Taking Your Wifes Name?

Zardnaar

Zardnaar

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Joined
Nov 16, 2003
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Location
Dunedin, New Zealand
As a male of you got married?

I might under the right circumstances. My daily name means nothing to me for a variety of reasons.

Those right reasons.

1. It's important to her eg continuing her family name and she'd the only one who can do it.

2. Both parents having the same name for kids. Doesntbnattervto me but it might for her and hyphenated names are stupid imho eg Jones-Smith.

3. He family name doesn't sound stupid or unfortunate. At school we had a girl her last name was Hore (pronounced whore). She got a lot of crap at school and changed it herself as soon as she could.

I don't expect her to take my name either take one or the other or choose a new name going forward for any kids if that matters. If it doesn't eh.
 
When we got married, such things were not seen as an option. We hyphenated our kids names.
 
I don't have an opinion and don't see a reason why anyone should take anyone's name, philosophically.

As a result, I'm agnostic. If I were to get married before I legally change my name, though, I would absolutely 100% refuse my wife taking my last name, and I would be inclined to take hers out of a matter of convenience and far better alternative. I find my current legal name heinous and objectionable, so I would be opposed to having it continue.
 
My cousins husband took our name.
 
Zardnaar said:
At school we had a girl her last name was Hore (pronounced whore). She got a lot of crap at school
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Wouldn’t say that if you knew about ”Mad” Mike Hoare, a mercenary who led 300 men to capture Stanleyville in the Congo war and later a botched coup attempt in the Seychelles; the coup failed because one of the mercs got in the wrong customs line and they found his AK-47.

On names, since I live here in Japan it’s probably better to take the Japanese name: I hear of cases where the Japanese change their names and then they get passed over for promotions at work, etc.

Not worth it!
 
After my parents divorced, my grandmother was surprised that my mother did not go back to using her maiden name. It seemed odd to my grandmother that my mother would use the name of a man she was no longer married to.

My mother said no, she was keeping it because it was her name now.

Ditto when marriage #2 happened and fell apart later. Personally I don't get why a woman would want the name of the man who treated her like crap, but I suppose it was more convenient and cheaper not to do a legal name change. Plus the fact that the reason she got married in the first place was to get away from her abusive father. She didn't want his name back, either.

The only legal name change I've ever contemplated was to my grandfather's original last name, before he simplified it when immigrating. I get mistaken now for so many other people with that last name who insist that I just HAVE to be part of their family and it annoys them when I say I'm not.

It's a case of "Look, I know I'm not your long-lost cousin from England because my last name isn't really the same as yours and none of my dad's side of the family were ever in England. One part of my dad's side came from Norway, and the other side came from Sweden. Different, longer form of the name, different spelling. I'm not part of your family, good luck finding them."

The original spelling of the last name is unique enough that I'd never again be mistaken in Canada. The only problems would be in educating people how to spell and pronounce it.

But even so, I get weird pronunciations of my current last name, from people who seem to want to put an extra syllable into the middle of it. Or something that rhymes with it. It's really not complicated, but I've finally taken to following the utterance of my name with the spelling, so they won't run through the several other names that rhyme but aren't correct.
 
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My partner and I have had a fair few convos about it. Assuming she doesn’t have to keep her surname for professional reasons, we’re probably gonna smoosh our two names together into an all new frankenname
 
schlaufuchs said:
My partner and I have had a fair few convos about it. Assuming she doesn’t have to keep her surname for professional reasons, we’re probably gonna smoosh our two names together into an all new frankenname
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Dang I wish I was smart as you.
 
schlaufuchs said:
My partner and I have had a fair few convos about it. Assuming she doesn’t have to keep her surname for professional reasons, we’re probably gonna smoosh our two names together into an all new frankenname
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I knew a couple who often combined theirs to become Smutley and I'm still a bit mad they didn't do it officially
 
schlaufuchs said:
My partner and I have had a fair few convos about it. Assuming she doesn’t have to keep her surname for professional reasons, we’re probably gonna smoosh our two names together into an all new frankenname
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Jenkinfuchs is not so great, but neither is Schlakins. It's a puzzle.
 
As for me - I am not sure. I and my current partner are non binary so there’s no real guidelines for this sort of thing. I personally think a double-barrelled name would be cute, although it depends on what they think ofc and also it raises a question of what name goes first.
 
NinjaCow64 said:
also it raises a question of what name goes first
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There was a couple in the SCA who solved it this way:

They hyphenated their names in such a way that she took his name as the pre-hyphen and her own as post-hyphen, and he did it the other way around.

It got a little confusing since one of them already had a hyphenated name (not sure why).

So one of them became (First Name) Christiansen-Ten-Hove, and the other became (First Name) Ten-Hove-Christiansen (these were mundane names, not their SCA persona names).

It must have been confusing as hell for times when both their names were on an envelope or they were invited to a party or somesuch. I have no idea what they decided to name their kids (if they had kids).
 
I have heard a couple of times stories about people who have had different names to their children, and had trouble in international airports because they are suspected of some form of child abduction. In such a situation it would seem a very sensible idea.
 
Samson said:
I have heard a couple of times stories about people who have had different names to their children, and had trouble in international airports because they are suspected of some form of child abduction. In such a situation it would seem a very sensible idea.
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I xane from broken home. Having different last bane to parents due to marriage was a pita.

It's why if kids are gonna be a thing having the same bane is somewhat important to me.

What's others choose to do is up to them.
 
My sister-in-law took my brothers name for personal use but kept her own name for professional use.
I took my husbands surname but reverted to my maiden name after divorce.
Personally I think making it easy for people to make the choice they want and have it legally recognised is all the state should do.
Not everyone has to make the same choices.
 
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