The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They use gas lighting.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

 

[Arakhor]

Never, ever ask to borrow Rick Astley's copy of Up, because he's going to have to give you Up or he's going to have to let you down, and even if you see it together, he's going to make you cry.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I'm not really addicted to brake fluid...
I can stop anytime I want.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What was Good King Wenceslas favourite type of pizza?

Spoiler :

Deep pan, crisp, and even.

 

[Bonyduck Campersang]

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The book I'm writing on 'My Favourite Beer' is taking longer than I thought - I'm still on my first draft.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I'd had cinnamon rolls several days in a row, so this morning I opted for a danish because I really needed a change of pastry.

(Based on a true story).

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I entered ten puns into a lame joke contest to see which one would win…

No pun in ten did.

 

[Arakhor]

By my reckoning, that's the  seventh time that joke's been told on CFC.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

By my reckoning, that's the  seventh time that joke's been told on CFC.

Only three more times to become self fulfilling!

 

[Kyriakos]

Speaking of lame:

"How do you make 7 even?" "Take away the s."

 

[Kyriakos]

The 10 best jokes from the Edinburgh festival 2023

Olaf Falafel: Getting mythology wrong is my Hercules ankle.

Reminded me of the joke in the Cray brothers film, with the line: "(you are) like Agamemnon returning to Ithaca".

 

[Gori the Grey]

I find Campbell's soups so bland that I end up adding minced parsley or some shredded Parmesan.

I guess you could say I don't like canned soup unless it's souped-up somehow.

(Based on a true story.)

 

[Uncle Sparky]

For my wife’s Christmas present, I took her to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

To those I offended in 2023...

try to improve, so I don't need to do it again in 2024.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Why don't you see peguins in England?

Wales eat them!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I've always found NYE stressful...

I suffer from Auld Langxiety.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I try to forget about '80s pop music,

but there's always something there to remind me.

 

[Gori the Grey]

As though it keeps saying "Don't You Forget About Me."