The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Bonyduck Campersang]

 

[Gori the Grey]

My New Year's Resolution is to stop talking to myself. And I think I'll be successful. It's really just mind over mutter.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My New Year's Resolution is to stop talking to myself. And I think I'll be successful. It's really just mind over mutter.

I stopped listening to myself years ago, so I'm unsure if I still talk to myself.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Elephants can weigh up to 250 lbs. (115 k) at birth, making them the second biggest babies on earth, just after Trump supporters.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How cold is it in Winnipeg, Canada?
Last night, I was working the gate at an indoor ice hockey arena. As people were coming in, I was telling them to sit by the ice and warm up.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Me (at an Indian restaurant): This butter is delicious!

Server: Actually, it's ghee.

Me: Thanks for clarifying.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My paper airplane won't fly...
It's completely stationary.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

(I like this one)

What is the difference between 'gray' and 'grey'?
One is a color, and one is a colour.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I've made an observation, but I'll let you all decide how significant it is.

The letter "h" is sometimes really important.

But again, you can decide for yourself whether that's worth noting, or worth nothing.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was going to start a diet today, but I already have way too much on my plate.

 

[PhroX]

I was watching Australian Masterchef last night. One of the contestants made a meringue and everyone cheered. Which is odd, as normally in Australia they boo meringue.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Roses are Red,
So is the State,
Let us be comrades,
I think you are great!

Love Karl

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Is buttcheeks one word, or do you spread them apart?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Minimalism is a scam created by big small to sell more less.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I just got a tattoo of the UK on my bum and every time I fart, Scotland separates.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Falcons generally live no more than 16 years, so all falcons alive today were born in the 21st century.

They are Millenial Falcons.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Scurvy: When life doesn't give you lemons.

 

[Gori the Grey]

When life doesn't give you lemons . . . well, I guess it's just sugar-water for you, then, chap.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

A lady just asked me what 'manspaining' is... I think it's a trap.

 

[Gori the Grey]

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