The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

When you reach my age, your friends start dropping like flies... and no one suspects you.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My wife wanted to embarrass me in front of her friends by saying I was bad in bed...
She was shocked when most of them disagreed.

 

[Bonyduck Campersang]

When you reach my age, your friends start dropping like flies... and no one suspects you.

My wife wanted to embarrass me in front of her friends by saying I was bad in bed...
She was shocked when most of them disagreed.

Excuse me, this is the lame jokes thread

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Excuse me, this is the lame jokes thread

My knee is sore.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

(I did not necessarilly do this)

When you get angry, take a deep breath and count to 10.

Throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.

 

[Harv]

Llama en llamas llama a llama en llamas

Wait. Posts here are supposed to be English only, but I posted this because of the thread title. As well as I understand Spanish, it means The llama on fire calls the llama on fire.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

(A Tom Swifty I hadn't seen before)

I hate being a half bicycle - half motorcycle," he moped.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Should be:

"I hate being a half bicycle - half motorcycle with no sense for the syllabification of words" he moped.

 

[Moff Jerjerrod]

My daughter wanted me to buy her a pet. She wanted a pet spider. So we went to the local pet store and asked the salesmen if they carried spiders. He said yes, you can buy a pet spider for $50. I said "What? That's ridiculous". So I turned to my daughter and said, "Don't worry, I can get one cheaper off the web."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My daughter wanted me to buy her a pet. She wanted a pet spider. So we went to the local pet store and asked the salesmen if they carried spiders. He said yes, you can buy a pet spider for $50. I said "What? That's ridiculous". So I turned to my daughter and said, "Don't worry, I can get one cheaper off the web."

Don't Buy spiders from Amazon... they are poisonous!

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

Paleontologists were perplexed by how long it took for some hominids from Germany to end up in Gibraltar.
Turns out they weren't the missing link they expected, they were just Meanderthals.

 

[PhroX]

I read a book about the greatest basement ever.

It was a best cellar.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My friend with a studder was just sent to prison...
I fear he will never finish his sentence.

 

[Arakhor]

I’m trying to eat more kale because it’s good for me, but when I see it on my plate, I keep asking myself if the ends justify the greens.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I have an inferiority complex, but it isn't a very good one.

 

[Kyriakos]

"They say the last thing to go through your mind in a plane crash is a piece of the plane".

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Some puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I've just downloaded the 'Titanic' soundtrack...
It's syncing right now.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I've got "A River Runs Through It" streaming.

But to do that, I had to put "Catwoman" on pause.

One of the Bond films is next in my queue.

I deleted a number of Star Trek movies, and that cleared up some space in my DVR.

I mean, I know that Scarlett O'Hara movie is a classic, but does my remote control need a whole key dedicated to watching it again?

I'd like to watch Johnny Depp's "Of the Caribbean" movies, but there's something that makes me worry that the ones available to me may have been illegally copied.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I thought I had every board game available, but I was wrong...
I had no Clue.