Which is worse or less of a religion?
- Thread starter Gooblah
- Start date
GenMarshall
High Elven ISB Capt & Ghost Agent
Scientology, hands down. It's not even a religion. Wicca however is as well as paganism and animistic religions.
ParadigmShifter
Random Nonsense Generator
At least Wicca is based off an ancient religion and wasn't made up by a mediocre sci-fi author.
GenMarshall
High Elven ISB Capt & Ghost Agent
Wrong again card game, Wicca does not require any such money.
ParadigmShifter
Random Nonsense Generator
Church of Appliantology is better anyway
Act II
SCENE NINE
A TOKEN OF MY EXTREME
(Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / ware-house / condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen.)
L. RON HOOVER:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology!
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!
JOE:
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don t wanna know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know what they have seen
(JOE thinks to himself.)
JOE:
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find when ya go!
(And thus, having rationalized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks the answer to his problem.)
JOE:
Oh oh oh, Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me, can you see?
L. RON HOOVER:
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me!
JOE:
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster or a color T. V.
L. RON HOOVER:
A Latent Appliance Fetishist is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of MACHINES...
Get the picture?
JOE:
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?
L. RON HOOVER:
No, my son! You must go into THE CLOSET
And you will have a lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there n' get you one
JOE:
Well...that seems simple enough...
L. RON HOOVER:
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language...
JOE:
German, for instance?
L. RON HOOVER:
That's right,
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)
(And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance into the room wearing aluminum foil lab smocks, lock arms in a circle around JOE, making sure he pays in full, all the while singing with L. RON as he delivers his final instructions.)
APPLIANTOLOGISTS:
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?
(JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON’s expensive advice.)
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body... it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...
Act II
SCENE NINE
A TOKEN OF MY EXTREME
(Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / ware-house / condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen.)
L. RON HOOVER:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology!
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!
JOE:
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don t wanna know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know what they have seen
(JOE thinks to himself.)
JOE:
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find when ya go!
(And thus, having rationalized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks the answer to his problem.)
JOE:
Oh oh oh, Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me, can you see?
L. RON HOOVER:
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me!
JOE:
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster or a color T. V.
L. RON HOOVER:
A Latent Appliance Fetishist is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of MACHINES...
Get the picture?
JOE:
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?
L. RON HOOVER:
No, my son! You must go into THE CLOSET
And you will have a lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there n' get you one
JOE:
Well...that seems simple enough...
L. RON HOOVER:
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language...
JOE:
German, for instance?
L. RON HOOVER:
That's right,
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)
(And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance into the room wearing aluminum foil lab smocks, lock arms in a circle around JOE, making sure he pays in full, all the while singing with L. RON as he delivers his final instructions.)
APPLIANTOLOGISTS:
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?
(JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON’s expensive advice.)
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body... it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...
Ulyaoth
Emperor
Ah I voted wrong. Thought only scientology first then realized, Wicca, but had already picked scientology only. So I mean both. Wicca is a little better than scientology but still fake and stupid.
You have to buy spells and items for the spells.
One item in specific, crystal rock geodes
are now several hundred dollars, where before Wicca became rampant they were like $20-$50
Although it's been a long time since I read that, maybe it was just normal crystals or something.
Nerowannabe
Warlord
Pfft they can believe anything they want as long as they don't start knocking door to door...
How exactly does monetary requirements in religious practices mean that it's not a religion? 
Honestly it really seems that you're going all "ooh ooh this religion looks ridiculous so it's not a religion ooh ooh"
Honestly it really seems that you're going all "ooh ooh this religion looks ridiculous so it's not a religion ooh ooh"
_random_
Jewel Runner
All religion looks pretty ridiculous from an outsider's perspective. I believe with all my heart that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master and eat his flesh, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a symbolic rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree, and I'm considered mainstream in most countries. I voted for Scientology, but solely on the grounds that it's been basically been proven to be a scam, not because their beliefs are much weirder than any other religion.
JohnRM
Don't make me destroy you
Scientology is, by far, the worst of all.
Downtown, also, is a religious icon.
Downtown, also, is a religious icon.
SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
Cue large multi-page argument about the definition of religion.
aronnax
Let your spirit be free
I didn't know what was Wicca, so I wikied it. Read a little, really does seem like an actual belief system rather than a scam. And while this is not a real good judge of things, Wicca does not have a Wikipedia Controversy Paragraph. So it is more of a religion than the scam of Scientology
Miles Teg
Nuclear Powered Mentat
Wiccanism was made up by a retired British bureaucrat I'm afraid. That ancient druidism stuff is just marketing.
Ulyaoth
Emperor
Not really. Just hippy made up mumbo jumbo some dude took from ancient mythologies and D&D and hacked it together into a religion for nerds and weirdo feminist hippy women.
Ansar
Détente avec l'été
Scientology.
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