A message from our President

omichyron

omichyron

Highly-Pixelated Globe
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Jun 2, 2001
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Location
Arizona, USA
Sacrifice

People of America, I stand before you today mighty and above the law. Our nation has been attacked. More importantly, the Republican Party has been challenged. We are in power during a time that our enemies have stepped forward to openly challenge this nation, and that Will Not Do. People of America, this is a time of great tribulation for our great country and our party. I call upon you now to make the sacrifices that we all know are required in such a time.

Sacrifice first your hard-earned money. The major corporations of our great nation need to become more powerful. The wealthy CEOs need to become even richer. American industry needs to be encouraged. Go out and buy until you can buy no more! Fill your garage with all-American SUVs. Fill your lungs with all-American tobacco smoke. Fill your veins with all-American cholesterol. Fill your stomach with all-American beer. It is your duty to our great nation.

Sacrifice next your false political parties. They are all the tools of the Evil One. You must renounce your false politics and accept salvation in the name of the one true political party. Our righteous glory shall burn the falseness from your mind! Look into the light and be saved! America can be preserved against the Axis of Evil, but you must all put your faith in Us. Only We can protect you.

Sacrifice next your freedom. America is not safe as long as a single citizen has the power to dissent. Only your faith in the Republican Party and Our representative on Earth, George W. Bush, will save you from the Evil One. You must voluntarily give up your freedom and trust in blind faith. Otherwise, you will all burn in the fire of more Cowardly Acts of evil. Brother Ashcroft represents Our will. Confess your sins unto him and be saved!

Sacrifice next your sons and daughters. They must take up arms to fight for the one true political party. They shall be the sword with which We shall smite the unbelievers! They shall be Our blessed, avenging fire that shall purify the face of the Earth and cauterize our nation’s wounds! They shall be the vessel of Our American Spirit, which shall flow out through our nation and rejuvenate it in the name of the Father and the Son who now represents him. They shall be Our mouthpiece, and they shall go out among the Democrats, the Libertarians, the Godless Communists, and all of the other unbelievers and convert them to the one true political party, that Our glory may be displayed openly for all to see.

This nation needs you, people of America. Are these small sacrifices really so much to ask of you? America is strong. America is united. Every true American must surely heed this call to sacrifice. Stand up in the name of the Father, the Son, and the American Spirit, and give until it hurts! It is what Our great Founding Fathers would have wanted you to do. It is all that We ask of you. What kind of nation would America be if her people did not mindlessly heed Our sacred call to sacrifice? Surely not the great and mighty land she is today.


Believe it or not 1) I live in the USA 2) I'm actually going to turn this in for an assignment that is supposed to be a speech where we speak as the president asking the nation to make the sacrifices made necessary by the current situation. I'm gonna get an F, and I'm resigned to that fact. The look on the teacher's face alone is going to be worth it :lol:
 
It would probably be better to change your speech so that the 'fun-poking' was more subtle and subliminal. You would then probably get a better grade and still know yourself that you had fooled the teacher.

There's no reason to miss out on both.
 
:lol: here is some more on sacrifice.....

"And so, in my State of the — my State of the Union — or state — my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation — I asked Americans to give 4,000 years — 4,000 hours over the next — the rest of your life — of service to America. That's what I asked — 4,000 hours." —George W. Bush, Bridgeport, Conn., April 9, 2002
 
But you're not compromising you principles, you're using the art of subtlety. The true victor does not gloat over his vanquished foes, he gloats in the fact that they greet him as friend while he rules from the shadows.
 
Humor goes in the humor forum....moved.
 
Forget the art of subtlety, trying learning the art of humor first.

I don't see the point in trying to make this funny. The teacher hoped you'd learn something from the assignment, instead you'll waste her time.
Too bad it doesn't count towards GPA.
 
Originally posted by Greadius
Forget the art of subtlety, trying learning the art of humor first.

I don't see the point in trying to make this funny. The teacher hoped you'd learn something from the assignment, instead you'll waste her time.
Too bad it doesn't count towards GPA.
Click to expand...

If the Present and Past Presidents, didn't have good writers...this is PROBABLY what they would have said. And it's most certianlly what they mean.
 
I think the speach is pretty funny:lol:


Originally posted by Greadius
Forget the art of subtlety, trying learning the art of humor first.

I don't see the point in trying to make this funny. The teacher hoped you'd learn something from the assignment, instead you'll waste her time.
Too bad it doesn't count towards GPA.
Click to expand...
gah, the teacher was probably told to do this by the headmaster or someone to help brainwash the kids some more.
 
The speech is more tragi-comical than funny. You smile yet you know every word, even if in a metaphorical sence is true.
 
Originally posted by hedgehog
The speech is more tragi-comical than funny. You smile yet you know every word, even if in a metaphorical sence is true.
Click to expand...

That is very much the spirit in which I wrote it, which is why I didn't post it in the humor/jokes forum. More powerful souls than I have relocated it since, however....
 
I presented it already. The teacher said it was "inspired." Wow, that guy is way more open-minded than I gave him credit for. Most of the class loved it (It helped them get over the boredom of listening to so many unresearched speeches, many of which called for donating food or blankets for soldiers. Where did that come from???) even though many of them did not agree with it. Ironically, the main person it offended felt that I was insulting religion, rather than being concerned about the real point of the thing. I haven't gotten a grade back on it, but I am cheerfully optimistic. (well, I actually presented the final draft and what you see here is the rough draft, but they are very similar).
 
Fortune doth smile upon you, Omichyron. But then again, leaders of any sort in any culture, any time, or, for that matter, any situation at all, demand such things from their followers. :(

It is not as bad as it seems though. As any half-baked sociologist or historian reluctantly admit, society is not build by geniuses but by ideots who have just enough sense to let someone else do their thinking for them. :p

Whether or not abuse occurs is up to the leader. (Management: we can't live with it, it won't let us live without it.):king:
 
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