Thanks for the warm welcome! By upgrading I mean expanding their boundaries. And one more question: whenever I'm talking to any other civ, the little guy pops up and tells me comparisons like: "_____ is impressed by our Archer" or something like "we are culturally backwards. Can someone tell me how to upgrade my civ? I don't know how to make research any faster (40 turns for iron working?). The little guy is always telling me that we're waaaaaay behind the other civilizations. How do I upgrade myself?( Repeated for emphasis). And whenever I press F9 or F10 I see my town. It looks like a caveman's dwelling. Any way to upgrade?
This would really help me out if someone could answer.
"_______ fears our _______": You are ahead of them in military technology. This is a good thing.

"We are culturally backward.": You don't have much cultural buildup. Build temples and libraries and such, but not to the point of neglecting other necessities.
As for research, you need commerce to fuel research. Build up a good network of roads, and assign citizens to work these tiles. You can have roads on the same tile as a mine or irrigation--in fact, this, too, is a good thing. Tiles adjacent to rivers have an added commercial bonus, and Commercial civs have bonus in Cities and Metropolises. Build marketplaces to add more. Also, get yourself out of Despotism; Despotism has penalties. Adjusts your sliders (F1 advisor) as necessary.
As for adding things to your towns, just build them as they become available--or if you mean your palace, then you get those upgrades only if your people are
very happy, or have achieved certain things that trigger the opportunity.
In the early going, build Barracks. With Barracks, your military units start equivalent to Veteran (with four hitpoints). Build Markets (available with Currency) for cash infusion and more effect from you luxuries. Cities without access to fresh water will need Aqueducts (available with Construction) to grow bigger than size 6. Build roads to connect to luxuries for happiness. Build roads to connect to the appropriate resources (Iron, Horses, etc.) to build the most advanced units. Trade if you can for either luxuries or resources. It's a very complex game, as you've no doubt learned.
