Chronicles of Xeven: Prologue

[Xeven the God]

Chronicles of Xeven: Prologue
By Xeven the God

Excerpted form the first book of Xeven, the Chronicles, describing how Xeven himself,
the Armor of Morandar, and the Pen’Daria came to be:

“…And the Pantheon of Gods joined hands, pleading to the universe, their Mother. They
asked for a Savior, one that would stop the growing power of the False Gods of Beldar. The
mother, feeling pity on the ones She had created, produced this great Savior.
The Savior was perfect in every way, from His God like power, to His face, which was
beyond beautiful. But the Savior had one fatal flaw: He could be killed.
Seeing this, the Mother told Her daughter, the Earth, to forge an armor of Her finest
iron. The place of the forging would be Morandar, A fiery hell in which the Arenarcid, demons of
great power, roamed. The Mother also said the forging must last for nine months, nine weeks,
and three days.
After the forging, when the armor was found, it was enchanted with spells from the Gods.
They made the armor impenetrable to sword, arrow, axe or spear. They also made it
uncrushable; meaning it could not be crushed by any rock, dented with any weapon, or even
reforged.
But, the work was not yet done, for the Savior was with out a weapon. So the Gods took it
apon themselves and crafted a mighty sword. The hilt was of the finest silver, covered in butter
soft leather, with a ruby set on the pommel. The cross guard was also of silver, sweeping down to
shapes like dragon’s teeth. The blade was made of the darkest, hardest onyx that the Gods could
conjure, so black that it seemed to suck the light into itself.
The Gods also enchanted the sword, giving it the ability to call any of the six elements1,
control any living Dragon, and cut through any armor, stone, or solid thing.
The Savior was then equipped with these things and named. The Gods had decided to
name the Savior Xeven, and give Him the only people with out a God: the Helsibahrians.
And Xeven took up His great task and vowed that He would slay False Gods or be slain Himself.

 

[Xeven the God]

Wow, twenty-some veiws and no comments . Comments are welcome .

 

[scorch]

jesus christ you talk about yourself lots.

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Stop playing with it, or it will shrivle up and drop off.








Actually, it is quite good, but one would need to see/know more, and be informed of the context and intended purpose before making an ironclad judgement on the matter.

 

[Xeven the God]

Well, basically it is the prologue to my short story, Chronicles of Xeven, which will have various parts (i.e. Part 1 (I'll post it later, it is a little longer that this prologue.) Part 2, Part 3, etc.). So you will find out what this means later, IF you keep reading .

(Btw, thanx Simon )

 

[Sixchan]

I liked it. I assumed you would post the story here continuously and I didn't want to interrupt the flow of the thing.

Keep it up, it could be a really good story! What will be the villan's name? Simon? Sixchan? How about TheDuckofFlanders? j/k (no offense, Ducky)

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Yes, Simon is a very good name for a villain, especially a long term one who dresses in black which contrasts with his blond hair and blue eyes.
Be sure to provide a sardonic grin, and a willing readiness to deal out biting insults and stingingly sarcastic retorts.

I love self promotion!

 

[Xeven the God]

Chronicles of Xeven: Part 1 (Here ya go.)
By Xeven the God

The summer sun in Hendra was blazing. The heat was tremendous, and the air was unbelievably muggy. It really annoyed Wervan, because he was trying to concentrate on his work, which was kind of hard because he worked in a forge. The forge fires made the forge hot enough in winter, but in summer they were unbearable.
Wervan was like any normal Hendran, tall and thin, with a strong build. He had near-to-black brown hair and blue eyes, a good-natured face and a skin the color of a peach.
He was about to get back to work when a man walked up to him. The man was Zorlax, Forge Master and the best metal crafter in Hendra.
“Wervan,” Zorlax said, “You look like hell. Forge to hot for you?” Zorlax was unlike most men in Hendra because he was very broad in the shoulders. He also didn’t sweat in the prodigious heat of the forge, which was quite amazing to Wervan.
“No,” Wervan replied, “not really.” Wervan was clearly lying; he was sweating like a pig. His clothes were drenched and he desperately wanted to get out of the forge.
“Wervan Kandar! Seriously, you should quite trying to be a though guy,” Zorlax smiled “Not all of us were built for this heat. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”
Wervan, glad of a chance to leave, thanked his boss and ran.

***

Wervan went to the forest. He didn’t know why, but he had a feeling he’d find something there. He figured he would walk along the main path until whatever it was drew him to it.
He loved the forest, its greens and browns and reds, the life in it, and even the smell of the dirt. He knew all of the common paths through it and most of the uncommon ones. He really felt at home in the forest, and if necessary could become so silent that even a creature with most sensitive ears could not hear him.
Wervan’s eyes caught something, something in the trees. He knew this was what he had come for. He went of the path and in to the trees, coming to a clearing where the object was.
It was a sword. The hilt was covered it soft and supple leather, coming down to meet an aggressively swept down cross guard and a long, heavily polished silver blade that was buried deep in a rock right in the center of the clearing.
To Wervan it looked like one of those swords the nobles wore at their belts. If he could pry it loose from the rock he could sell it, which would mean he would have money to buy a new set of clothes for his wife and new born child. With that in mind, he took from his belt pouches a small hammer and stone chipper he had shaped when he first came to the forge.
Before he started chipping at the stone, he tugged at the sword. Nothing happened. It was worth a try he thought, didn’t want to do all the work if I didn’t have to. He go to work, chipping around the blade and taking breaks when he really needed them. He chipped for hours, until he had most of the blade uncovered. He tried to pull the sword loose again. Amazingly, the sword came out of the rock. Just as amazingly, it began to glow an ominous blood red.
Suddenly the sword jolted in Wervan’s hand. He pictures flashed before his eyes. He saw magic, swords, battles, blood, and more stunning than anything, he saw he was the center of all these pictures. He was the focusing point. It all was based around him.
He was flooded with knowledge, from how to cast spells to how to use a sword. He was shown the Gods, all of them, from the Mighty Gorick to Xeven, his own God. He was told how they came to be and why they came to be.
Ye have a part to play Wervan; the voice of Xeven rang in his mind, Ye shall become my High Mage. Make haste to Helkendrass Wervan, for the False Gods shall hunt ye down if ye shall not. And with the last piece of his message, Xeven was gone.
Wervan passed out and was found hours later by Zorlax. He carried Wervan and the sword (which puzzled him because it was not like any grade of steel he’d ever seen.) to the front door of Wervan’s home and knocked on the door.
Wervan’s wife opened it and asked what had happened to him.
“I really don’t know,” Zorlax said, “Don’t worry Alleyn, he’s just passed out. He’ll come around.”
Alleyn, white and trembling, said “Put him on the bed in the other room. I’ll check on him in a while.”
Zorlax put the sword on the table in the center of the main room and did what he was told. He came out of the second room and sat down in a wooden chair next to Alleyn.
“What is that,” Alleyn asked, pointing to the sword. She had stopped trembling, but was still a pinkish white.
“I don’t know about that either,” Zorlax replied, “It doesn’t look like anything I’ve ever seen.”
“Well then, I guess if I can’t get any answers from you, I’ll go check on Wervan.” and with that Alleyn got up from her chair and went to the medicine shelf. She took down a small bottle filled with a clear bluish liquid. She put three drops in a small pot of water that she had been heating for supper. She took the pot off the stove and headed for the room where Wervan was…

 

[duke o' york]

Okay I suppose, but I definitely prefer the story about Steven Seagal trying to save the world from nasty cows. That's got a random narrative direction and doesn't inspire you to read the next section. And too many old cricket stars are mentioned too. Your work is easily recognisable as the fantasy genre, which is fine because this is obviously what you want, but it doesn't make me think that it is going to be blindingly innovative really. It's still in its early stages and there is a long way to go before I could definitively judge it, but you'll need to mix things up a bit to keep it from becoming an imitation of all the other fantasy books flooding the market. I haven't read one for over 10 years now, but it does scream Dragonlance to me. Branch out and try something interesting. Have this Wervan the villain and the hero some evil mage or goblin warrior who has to stop him bringing unity to the realms. Just an idea, and it's been done before, but it certainly makes things different and interesting.
Good luck with it though!

 

[Xeven the God]

I have it all in my head, I just haven't written it yet . I am open to suggestions, but not ones that will change MY story in a different dirrection from which I intend. Xeven's task is to destroy the False Gods, end of story.

(Dragonlance? **** Dragonlance! The dragons are not controlled by any one beyond the Pen'Daria and the High Dragon (A big white dragon over three miles in length that lives in the Snow Lands.). Other than dragons, this story has nothing to do with Dragonlance!)

 

[Xeven the God]

OK, I shall post Part 2 by 10:00pm or tomorrow. If you haven't read the Prologue or Part 1, please read them.

(Btw, could I get a Mod to change the topic name to 'Chronicles of Xeven.)

 

[andycapp]

The 'Duke' made some good points. I don't have much to add except try to be as succinct as possible - a case of do as I say, not as I do.

Just a few questions Xeven:

Do you have the plot already mapped out in detail or is this story going to develop around a general idea?

Is this going to be a long or short story?

Have you considered writing short stories to develop your writing style?


You obviously enjoy writing stories and have a fertile imagination - you're at least halfway there, goodluck!

 

[Xeven the God]

Yeah, I sorta have the plot mapped out. I never said I wouldn't take suggestions, I said I would not take suggestions that would chage the story entirely (For example, the suggestions about Simon, Sixchan and DoF being the villans.).

 

[Sixchan]

I said I would not take suggestions that would chage the story entirely (For example, the suggestions about Simon, Sixchan and DoF being the villans.).

Ahh, well.

Mabye I'll crop up as a bit part minor character. If the villan has six or more bodyguards...

Great story! I can't wait to read the next part! Mabye one of the posters works in a publishing company, Xeven could be on the shelves between...uhh...well...W and Y!

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Overall, a fair enough effort so far. It does change from an epic narrative style to a more conventional one, but this is a good thing, so long as you can make the change seamless enough.
What precisely are your major literary influences in this piece?
Dragonlance is of a fair standard, to say the least, but it is only one of many styles.
Check out some old epic poems, such as "Beowulf" (Try and look up Tolkien's treatise on it ), L'Morte D'Arthur and the Song of Roland, among others.

If it is meant as a short story, continue along the lines you are already on, and treat it as a formative experience. If you wish to use it as the basis of a longer piece of writing, it needs a bit more fleshing out and character description. The epic works of fantasy and saga all contain highly descriptive word portraits of the protagonists.
Keep on going, and throw any comments or questions this way

 

[kundor]

This reminds me strongly of an eddings work...the prologue, a tale of the gods, coming before the main work which is suddenly prosaic people doing ordinary things, before they get swept up into epic events. Having the naive, inexperienced hero can be good; a mentor character that teaches him and guides him as he starts out can explain things to him and thus the reader, so that they know what's going on. If there's magic in your world, this mentor could teach Wervan the secrets (and eventually be outstripped by wervan, since not just anybody is a high mage...)

Also, characterization is important as simon says, not only of people but of countries. This is something Eddings excels at. The various Gods have personalities, and their people derive their personalities--greedy, brave and foolhardy, sly, etc...while still having lots of variation, of course. Drawing a map of the realms involved and deciding the personalities, government, religious systems, etc beforehand always helps...Every fantasy book starts with a map! If you could draw one and post it I for one would like that.
The Rivan Codex (by Eddings) is an excellent thing to read before writing fantasy. He talks about his methods and the various ways to go about it...I enjoyed it.

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Indeed. Kundor is quite correct in his comments.
Characterization adds depth, and, just as it is more enjoyable to swim in a reasonably sized pool rather than a shallow bath tub, it adds to the enjoyment for both the reader and the author.
You get the satisfaction of creating a whole new world, that is real, and populated by real people, and the reader gets the pleasure of experiencing this.
Thus, planning is important. Do a lot of writing on the subject, not just on the story itself, but on the world and the background. Drawing maps, as the other chap has rightly said, is a wonderful way of getting further into it. Look at what others have done, and follow their model to start off with, just to get going.
And, in addition to the other epics and sagas that I recommended in my last post, I also heartily commend the epic Finnish saga, "Kalevala" (sometimes subtitled "The Land of Heroes") Tis great stuff.

 

[Sixchan]

Drawing maps, as the other chap has rightly said, is a wonderful way of getting further into it.

I was never any good at drawing maps, so when my PCs started a new D&D campaign, I used the Civ2 map editor to create the planets in my new multi-world campaign.

Just a tip.

 

[Xeven the God]

I have the map! In fact, there are two. Here is the first one.

 

[Xeven the God]

And here is the Second. (This is the age Wervan lives in. In the next part, Xeta, High Emperor, will make references to the FIRST AGE, please note the difference. Thank you .)