Hush Times
Heya, guys and girls, this is Elisa, coming to you with the freshest of news as possible in this godforsaken, creepy, damp town straight out of Lovecraft's nightmares. We have a lot of new students these days, although some may dispute the word: new. Time doesn't exactly flow linearly in this place. The Headmistress told me in her physics course that it's because Eternity is ephemeral or something cryptic like that. You know, kinda like she always does.
But first, for all you new students out there, welcome to hell! Or heaven. Opinions are divided on which of the two the place falls into. Some of you are here unwillingly which, understandably, makes this whole thing a very upsetting process overall. However, let me assure you: everyone gets sent home after graduation. Occasionally, the Headmistress also allows some people to visit home for a short period. I never understood how that particular process works though.
Yeah, nobody explains this stuff at orientation.
But what, you would say, if you can't wait for graduation in how many long years to go back home? Well then, you'll simply have to get on the fast course. This place is, as far as I understand, some kind of recruiting platform for the Gods. By proving your worth and making a pact with a God, you would be considered graduated with full honors, and you'll have a choice to go back home.
You'll probably have to kill someone or be filthy rich to do it. Don't say I didn't warn you.
But now that initial explanation is done, to the news.
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Stranger in Town
There's a stranger in town. This is not entirely unusual, seeing as how we are located in the confluence of the apex (or the nadir) of countless parabolas of reality. But he arrived by train yesterday night, a midnight arrival in our town of eternal night. He wears a weathered coat, and his face is obscured by his wide-brimmed hat. He carries a briefcase filled with... well, who knows?
Who is this man? What does he want from us? What does he want from our town? Why does he ask so many questions? Adrian and Natalia, you know, the couple who runs the butcher shop in Nicomedian avenue, claims that the man carries with him a gun and a badge from an organization called the Control Bureau, and followed rumors of a powerful artifact causing anomalous events to this town.
"The man is clearly up to no good," Adrian said, spitting on the ground in a way only a man who has perfected the art of disdain can. "He asked to see my license for operating the shop as well as the name of the ranch where I get my meat products, as if you need either to run a butcher shop."
"I mean, the Whaler lives in a lake without any whales or fish in it. Does anyone question his profession? At least, in public?" Natalia added. Then she took another sip from her mug of tea and leaned out of the window with her rifle to seek her next prey.
"Someone should *do* something about the man before he causes some real mischief," Adrian nodded in agreement. "We came to this quiet place to get away from those types."
"What types?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. "Types that ask a lot of questions and never buy any meat," Adrian answered.
Ladies and gentleman, you know what the standard procedure for such a mysterious stranger is. Call the Janitor, and wait for her to clean up the mess. Unfortunately, the Janitor is working multiple jobs at the moment to pay off the debt he accrued at the local branch of Chuck E. Cheeses, and is unable to properly handle the issue. She has, however, offered up a small bounty for anyone who can 'deal' with the man in the suitable fashion.
Before the inevitable vigilante mob find him and expunge his interests, readers will be pleased to learn that I have managed to score an exclusive interview with the man and managed to get a few statements before his inevitable demise.
"Oh God, I don't know how glad it is to find another normal person here," he said naively, boarding up a window in a desperate attempt to hide form the hunter-killer automatons. "What is wrong with this town! Why is it so weird! What time of the day is it?! Why is everyone so strange! You are normal, right, say you are normal!"
I smiled and nodded as all good journalist should. "Just go and stay safe somewhere!" he screamed at me. "Don't tell anyone I am hiding here!"
Anyone with further questions to this stranger should go visit him at 138 Spider Cave Drive. He is hiding in a makeshift bunker at the abandoned house's third floor.
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Janitorial Emergency
Students are not allowed in the basement. Correction. Willing students are not allowed in the basement. But every now and then, stars align and the stuck-up Janitor allows a few lucky student to help it with its business downstairs. Past reports suggest that benefits are low and mortality rate is high, but the Janitor doesn't really comply with headmistress's orders to keep things safe anyways and nobody really seems to be capable of controlling it, so I suppose it gets to do its own thing.
Look, don't ask me why the Janitor's allowed to do this crap. I don't know either. Nobody knows much about it or her or him or whatever the heck he is, but she does like a cup of caramel macchiato, so anyone who want to inquire about job availability should bring it a cup.
It was very vague in describing what the actual job was, but it seems to be mostly about cleaning up some graffiti inside a cell.
"Specimen 189 escaped her cell," it said in its raspy, mechanical voice. "She has devoured the snacks I've been keeping and is now vandalizing the walls with art."
"That doesn't seem that bad," I said. "I mean, she's just making the place look pretty, right?"
"Art is prohibited in the basement," it said. "It makes the worms grow bolder. Look at what it has done to my walls!"
She scattered a batch of photographs depicting various graffiti desperately scratched onto stone walls by what seems to be nails. "Samantha was here," one photograph read, next to a crudely drawn hammer and what appear to be either fire or lantern. I couldn't tell. "I think they add character to to the dungeon walls," I said. "It really gives that lived in look that's all the rage right now."
The Janitor harrumphed, and then jumped up where it, clinging to the ceiling, skittered away into the dark recesses of the Tower which surely birthed such a miserable, dark creature.
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Following is a public letter from Nirvanic Club
Why are we forbidden from going down? Why is going up presented as the only viable option? Why does Headmistress' "True Sight" vaporize us into pile of nothing? Why is everyone in the Town so *weird?* The Nirvanic Club doesn't have answers, but we are here to help each other find them, as our founder intended.
We are organizing expeditions into the Town (and a few other more secret locations) where we seek to find answers and clues as they are left writhing in the dark, before the Janitor cleans them all up. Like minded students should apply for membership at the first Floor, Room 104. Of note today: What is the Worm? What is Nowhere?
Nirvanic Club reminds you that membership is secret. Face concealing hoodies are available once part of the club.
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Birdwatchers to Launch a New Dream Expedition
Birdwatchers are an ancient student organization formed for the purpose of helping other students and initiates of the Invisible World find the hidden truths in the True World, and an ancient enemy of the Nirvanic Club.
"The Nirvanic Club," the senior president of the Birdwatchers, a said. "Are bunch of secret worm-worshippers who would turn the Tower into a pile of nothing that they crawled out of if they could. "Better to go higher and higher instead of lower and lower like bugs."
The dream zeppelin will leave tomorrow in our shared dream of the True World. Explorers should be equipped for shower of knives. Complementary dream wine wil lbe served in flight. Destination is the Door of the Dead and an educational journey into why we should fear and despise death and nowhere.
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The Witch-Dance Club
Under the guidance of the twin instructors, the Tower will be hosting a comedic play called the Queens of the River for the denizens of the Town to enjoy. The play is about a murder mystery in which the Queens of the River are systematically murdered by a mysterious assailant. Currently, we are looking for stage hands and minor parts for the upcoming play to be hosted next week. Applicants should be morally flexible or hard of hearing.
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That's all for this week, folks.
Elisa.
