NATO Dissolved in Nationlistic Disputes! CivDipMod 004
- Thread starter Flatlander Fox
- Start date
Flatlander Fox
Armed Cultural Consultant
BREAKING NEWS FROM C.A. FLAT
I recieved this press release a few minutes ago from the German consulate here in Bremerhaven:
CNN reports, that Theodore James Tedofsky, a russian-polish-french-american-german citizen has taken over as the new leader of Germany. he has declared himself as "The One" and declared the return of the Weimar Republic. at which time, he left Berlin for his new palace, in Weimar.
Tedofsky asks that all leaders identify themselvs for the first few years. AKA
"hey, france and britain, lets kill germany" -Poland
I recieved this press release a few minutes ago from the German consulate here in Bremerhaven:
CNN reports, that Theodore James Tedofsky, a russian-polish-french-american-german citizen has taken over as the new leader of Germany. he has declared himself as "The One" and declared the return of the Weimar Republic. at which time, he left Berlin for his new palace, in Weimar.
Tedofsky asks that all leaders identify themselvs for the first few years. AKA
"hey, france and britain, lets kill germany" -Poland
As the newly self-appointed leader of Spain, I wish to order a proclamation. From this day forward every Tuesday shall be margarita day. It is now the national drink of Spain. I invite all to share in this cultural exchange of tequila!!!!
Sincerly,
Queen Castaneta of Spain
p.s. just thought everyone should know that. Have a nice day
Sincerly,
Queen Castaneta of Spain
p.s. just thought everyone should know that. Have a nice day
Richard III
Duke of Gloucester
February 19, 1994
"BLAME IT ON CELINE," CLERIC SAYS AS IZMIR FALLS TO REBELS
IZMIR (REUTERS) - It's known as "the Pearl of the Aegean," but today, Izmir's residents are calling their city "Mohammad's Harbor," after Islamist forces from the bizarre 'Jiddah Beach sect' seized total control of this city of 2.6 million. Riots and demonstrations swept throughout the city after 8:00am this morning after a local radio station reported the arrival of rebel forces in the city's historic harbor. The rebels infilitrated the docks by hiding in the holds of 3 large barges.
Those troops still loyal to the secular government were quickly converted, defeated or routed by the rebels, who are mostly university students equipped with small arms of predominately czech origin. The Mayor made the demise of federal control official at 5:45pm when, through a written statement, he pledged the support of all municipal services to rebel use. Rumor has it that rebel leader Atuchard III persuaded Mayor Kelimlik to issue the statement by dangling the Mayor's prized pet turtle over a bunsen burner.
Atuchard has made no secret of his self-identification with Atuturk, the founder of modern Turkey. Speaking from atop the Atuturk Monument in Republic Square late this evening to a crowd of 250,000, Atuchard reminded the rebel followers of the provocation that started it all: the rise of Celine Dion's hit "The Power of Love" to the lead spot on the American Rock Countdown's Top 40 list just one week ago. "As you my followers know, numerologists have proven that the Dion's assault on our senses was predicted by the Prophet himself," Atuchard explained. "We are blessed to live in an age when our enemy is so clear, and our cause - the cause of a Celine-free Islamic world - is so obviously just to all!" he said, pausing between sentences to puff on an enormous 17th century bong. When he concluded his remarks by calling on the crowd to sing the B-52's hit "Love Shack," he was drowned out with cheers from the assembled Izmirites.
NATO leaders are not sure what to think of Atuchard's "Jiddah Beach" sect of Islam. Analysts believe that the movement is more of a social than a religious rebellion. The sect's women are required to be fully clothed from neck to toe, but the costumes themselves are more form-fitting than risque western garments. Men are encouraged to smoke hashish and use mind-enhancing drugs to "aid in memorizing the Koran." Demonstrations often feature giant banners sporting such diverse faces as Rap artist Chuck D, nineteenth century British Admiral Thomas Alexander Cochrane and an artist's rendition of Saladin, the crusade-era conquerer of Jerusalem. And, curiously, a manual of Jiddah Beach doctrine lists Prague and and Havana as suitable sites for "second pilgrimages." While some of the Koran's rules are strictly observed, the followers of the sect seem far more motivated by the "15 Reinterpretations " that differ from traditional practice.
Atuchard's rise might baffle observers, but his success is no longer in doubt. As a note leaked from CIA headquarters in Langley put it last Friday, "Atuchard is certain to have control of all of Turkey by March 1, and his rise is definitely a threat to somebody's security, somewhere, at some unknown point in time in the future." Release of this note prompted President Clinton to fire his national security advisor, and the Turkish lira plummeted 18% in value on currency markets by week's end in anticipation of the predicted coup.
- 30 -
"BLAME IT ON CELINE," CLERIC SAYS AS IZMIR FALLS TO REBELS
IZMIR (REUTERS) - It's known as "the Pearl of the Aegean," but today, Izmir's residents are calling their city "Mohammad's Harbor," after Islamist forces from the bizarre 'Jiddah Beach sect' seized total control of this city of 2.6 million. Riots and demonstrations swept throughout the city after 8:00am this morning after a local radio station reported the arrival of rebel forces in the city's historic harbor. The rebels infilitrated the docks by hiding in the holds of 3 large barges.
Those troops still loyal to the secular government were quickly converted, defeated or routed by the rebels, who are mostly university students equipped with small arms of predominately czech origin. The Mayor made the demise of federal control official at 5:45pm when, through a written statement, he pledged the support of all municipal services to rebel use. Rumor has it that rebel leader Atuchard III persuaded Mayor Kelimlik to issue the statement by dangling the Mayor's prized pet turtle over a bunsen burner.
Atuchard has made no secret of his self-identification with Atuturk, the founder of modern Turkey. Speaking from atop the Atuturk Monument in Republic Square late this evening to a crowd of 250,000, Atuchard reminded the rebel followers of the provocation that started it all: the rise of Celine Dion's hit "The Power of Love" to the lead spot on the American Rock Countdown's Top 40 list just one week ago. "As you my followers know, numerologists have proven that the Dion's assault on our senses was predicted by the Prophet himself," Atuchard explained. "We are blessed to live in an age when our enemy is so clear, and our cause - the cause of a Celine-free Islamic world - is so obviously just to all!" he said, pausing between sentences to puff on an enormous 17th century bong. When he concluded his remarks by calling on the crowd to sing the B-52's hit "Love Shack," he was drowned out with cheers from the assembled Izmirites.
NATO leaders are not sure what to think of Atuchard's "Jiddah Beach" sect of Islam. Analysts believe that the movement is more of a social than a religious rebellion. The sect's women are required to be fully clothed from neck to toe, but the costumes themselves are more form-fitting than risque western garments. Men are encouraged to smoke hashish and use mind-enhancing drugs to "aid in memorizing the Koran." Demonstrations often feature giant banners sporting such diverse faces as Rap artist Chuck D, nineteenth century British Admiral Thomas Alexander Cochrane and an artist's rendition of Saladin, the crusade-era conquerer of Jerusalem. And, curiously, a manual of Jiddah Beach doctrine lists Prague and and Havana as suitable sites for "second pilgrimages." While some of the Koran's rules are strictly observed, the followers of the sect seem far more motivated by the "15 Reinterpretations " that differ from traditional practice.
Atuchard's rise might baffle observers, but his success is no longer in doubt. As a note leaked from CIA headquarters in Langley put it last Friday, "Atuchard is certain to have control of all of Turkey by March 1, and his rise is definitely a threat to somebody's security, somewhere, at some unknown point in time in the future." Release of this note prompted President Clinton to fire his national security advisor, and the Turkish lira plummeted 18% in value on currency markets by week's end in anticipation of the predicted coup.
- 30 -
Dr. Daniel Gains for the Detroit Free Press
In the ongoing crises of Europe to which there seems to be no end, Ukraine has finally fell victim to the transition. Long standing out as one of the few remaining Democracies in Eastern Europe after the collapse of NATO, in which several nations (such as Bielorussia and Romania) took the opportunity to revert to Communism, General Vanko Svietlanya began a military coup against the "corrupted democracy which has done nothing to prove its worth," according to the General himself.
What lead to such a sudden change in Ukrainian opinion? For starters, the democracy, which floundered under the incompetent rule of several presidents, each with at least 3 love affairs and an astounding 7 scandals, could not hold up against such a wave of popular opinion.
"After trying it out, we decided we didn't like democracy so much after all," said Kalyna Lena, a Kiev schoolteacher. "We Ukranian's like things with a 'free trial period'," she said with a laugh.
General Svietlanya had officially declared that the nation would eventually turn to Communism, but for the time being the nation and burgoise that had gotten fat over the years needed to be whipped into shape. Thus, martial law has begun and with the nationalizing of private property and influence held by the upper class, corruption has in fact decreased.
While Ukraine may not have all of it's problems solved yet, it does appear to be heading in the direction it believes best extremely quickly.
In the ongoing crises of Europe to which there seems to be no end, Ukraine has finally fell victim to the transition. Long standing out as one of the few remaining Democracies in Eastern Europe after the collapse of NATO, in which several nations (such as Bielorussia and Romania) took the opportunity to revert to Communism, General Vanko Svietlanya began a military coup against the "corrupted democracy which has done nothing to prove its worth," according to the General himself.
What lead to such a sudden change in Ukrainian opinion? For starters, the democracy, which floundered under the incompetent rule of several presidents, each with at least 3 love affairs and an astounding 7 scandals, could not hold up against such a wave of popular opinion.
"After trying it out, we decided we didn't like democracy so much after all," said Kalyna Lena, a Kiev schoolteacher. "We Ukranian's like things with a 'free trial period'," she said with a laugh.
General Svietlanya had officially declared that the nation would eventually turn to Communism, but for the time being the nation and burgoise that had gotten fat over the years needed to be whipped into shape. Thus, martial law has begun and with the nationalizing of private property and influence held by the upper class, corruption has in fact decreased.
While Ukraine may not have all of it's problems solved yet, it does appear to be heading in the direction it believes best extremely quickly.
Demetrias
Emperor
This is Polk A. Dot Reporter for the Moscow times. Reporting on the Recent rise to power of President Dimitri Hackoff leader of the local Reformers union. He was elected by a Fluke two months ago when the Government switched the election day to 4-20. The entire population of Russia was stoned that day because of the free hashish being handed out by his supporters. since he was the only person in Russia not stoned they elected him President. He promises to make 4-20, 8-20, 12-20 national smoke day and legalize Marijuana to keep himself in power. He also plans on tripling the amount of vodaka being manufactured and exported.
Long live the King. oops. I ment President. 
Long live the King. oops. I ment President.
Richard III
Duke of Gloucester
Yes, good to see government has changed for the better in Russia after that Yeltsin fellow. And clearly, someone should do a study on the substance abuse obsessions of diplomacy players
Atuchard III
Atuchard III
Magnus
Diplocat
General Pilsudski was relaxing along the shore of Gdansk Harbor, where he discussed the current state of Europe with Admiral Unrug and Major Wiszniewski.
Unrug: "What do you make of all this revolution! Germany is now in the hands of a dictator, as is the Russian Confederation, Ukraine has gone Red and the Jihad is alive and swelling in Turkey. I hear the Spanish are nearly in a state of anarchy due to the state-mandated heavy drinking."
Pulsidski: "What are the Spaniards drinking?"
"Why, tequila."
"Oh. Well as long as its not absinthe they will be fine."
"But what of the general unrest, the end of NATO, the withdrawal of American forces?"
"My dear Unrug, some say this is the end, but in reality is it not also a beginning? Do you know the last time Poland was a Great Power?"
"Ummm, the 16th century?"
"No, the answer is NEVER, we became somehwat of a regional power when we married into Lithuania - THAT was our lone achievement, well that and Copernicus I guess. But on a military scale, we have LOST to the Mongols, LOST to the Teutonic Order, LOST to the Turks, LOST to the Magyars, LOST to the Swedes, LOST to the Prussians, LOST to the Russians, LOST to the Germans... and I am sick of losing! And I tell you this, things are going to change, this time its our time, we are going to finally taste victory, for we now mobilize for war! The instability of Europe is our feast, for while they are lost in their self-inflicted chaos, our well-trained and obedient armies and fleets will rain hell upon them all, establishing a new Polish Order to the European Theatre... and eventually the WORLD!"
"Amazing!"
"Quite." ---- "Errr, Major, please give me an update on the status of our mighty forces."
Wiszniewski: "Sir, the 12 and 15th Pike divisions are ready and massed, the 135th cavalry regiment is ready to go, our 3 glorious ironclads have 'set sail' and our fleet of biplanes are fully fueled and armed and ready to go at your command."
"Excellent, our fury is about to be unleashed with a power unseen in the history of warfare..."
With those words the three men clanked glasses and downed some fine vodka & tonic, smiling in the knowledge that greatness was finally coming into their grasp.
Unrug: "What do you make of all this revolution! Germany is now in the hands of a dictator, as is the Russian Confederation, Ukraine has gone Red and the Jihad is alive and swelling in Turkey. I hear the Spanish are nearly in a state of anarchy due to the state-mandated heavy drinking."
Pulsidski: "What are the Spaniards drinking?"
"Why, tequila."
"Oh. Well as long as its not absinthe they will be fine."
"But what of the general unrest, the end of NATO, the withdrawal of American forces?"
"My dear Unrug, some say this is the end, but in reality is it not also a beginning? Do you know the last time Poland was a Great Power?"
"Ummm, the 16th century?"
"No, the answer is NEVER, we became somehwat of a regional power when we married into Lithuania - THAT was our lone achievement, well that and Copernicus I guess. But on a military scale, we have LOST to the Mongols, LOST to the Teutonic Order, LOST to the Turks, LOST to the Magyars, LOST to the Swedes, LOST to the Prussians, LOST to the Russians, LOST to the Germans... and I am sick of losing! And I tell you this, things are going to change, this time its our time, we are going to finally taste victory, for we now mobilize for war! The instability of Europe is our feast, for while they are lost in their self-inflicted chaos, our well-trained and obedient armies and fleets will rain hell upon them all, establishing a new Polish Order to the European Theatre... and eventually the WORLD!"
"Amazing!"
"Quite." ---- "Errr, Major, please give me an update on the status of our mighty forces."
Wiszniewski: "Sir, the 12 and 15th Pike divisions are ready and massed, the 135th cavalry regiment is ready to go, our 3 glorious ironclads have 'set sail' and our fleet of biplanes are fully fueled and armed and ready to go at your command."
"Excellent, our fury is about to be unleashed with a power unseen in the history of warfare..."
With those words the three men clanked glasses and downed some fine vodka & tonic, smiling in the knowledge that greatness was finally coming into their grasp.
Berzerker
Deity
GM, am I to understand we have a new Germany? If so, what is his email?
Seeking to make the Mediterranean an Italian lake once again, the Italian people have elected as their President a Viking immigrant named "Berzerker". His first move as President is withdrawal from the defunct NATO organization, Italian fleets have been launched, and a quick and massive build up of the army is underway to replace older Italian tanks. For too long, Italy has been known for it's armor designed with 5 reverse gears and 1 forward gear, the legacy of former Presidents who believed it wise to have tanks that could get out of a battle faster than they got in...
Seeking to make the Mediterranean an Italian lake once again, the Italian people have elected as their President a Viking immigrant named "Berzerker". His first move as President is withdrawal from the defunct NATO organization, Italian fleets have been launched, and a quick and massive build up of the army is underway to replace older Italian tanks. For too long, Italy has been known for it's armor designed with 5 reverse gears and 1 forward gear, the legacy of former Presidents who believed it wise to have tanks that could get out of a battle faster than they got in...
Flatlander Fox
Armed Cultural Consultant
No, just his press release putting him into power...
Please remember to CC me all press.
Damn Italian tanks...
Please remember to CC me all press.
Damn Italian tanks...
Demetrias
Emperor
(ooc)
Guys i am going on a mission trip tomorrow and so want be able to respond to any emails. After 1 pm GMT - 6. If you have anything you want to contact me about try to do it tonight. I will send you a response in the morning and them i am out of here. i will be back to days after the deadline so will send in my move orders tonight before i go to sleep. Have fun. Later.
Demetri.
Russia.
Guys i am going on a mission trip tomorrow and so want be able to respond to any emails. After 1 pm GMT - 6. If you have anything you want to contact me about try to do it tonight. I will send you a response in the morning and them i am out of here. i will be back to days after the deadline so will send in my move orders tonight before i go to sleep. Have fun. Later.
Demetri.
Russia.
Richard III
Duke of Gloucester
Please be informed that late this evening, the Turkish government issued the following statement:
"By order of ATUCHARD III , the Eastern Mediterranean Sea has been demilitarized for the duration of the calendar year 1994, and is no longer accessible to the armed forces of any state in accordance with Islamic law.
The Turkish government has issued this decree for two reasons:
1. Naval transit through the Eastern Mediterranean Sea threatens the peace and security of both of Civdip004's Islamic peoples.
2. Neither Turkey nor Egypt needs access to the aforementioned waters to achieve their respective foreign policy goals for the year 1994.
Signed,
ATUCHARD III
"
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
"By order of ATUCHARD III , the Eastern Mediterranean Sea has been demilitarized for the duration of the calendar year 1994, and is no longer accessible to the armed forces of any state in accordance with Islamic law.
The Turkish government has issued this decree for two reasons:
1. Naval transit through the Eastern Mediterranean Sea threatens the peace and security of both of Civdip004's Islamic peoples.
2. Neither Turkey nor Egypt needs access to the aforementioned waters to achieve their respective foreign policy goals for the year 1994.
Signed,
ATUCHARD III
"Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Duke of York
Chieftain
you guys need any extras let me know..i'll keep watching the game from my safe post here in Canada
TrailblazingScot
I was kittenOFchaos
The Egyptian Government sees no reason to compromise over the East Mediterrean Sea...our navy can secure this sea for the protection of our Nation. Turkey will merely have to tolerate this.
Flatlander Fox
Armed Cultural Consultant
CNN has just recieved this press release from the Prime Minister.
The Secretary of State for Northern Ireland is pleased to announce a
full solution to the problem of peace in Northern Ireland.
"We will be tough on Ireland and tough on the causes of Ireland," Sir
Randolph Higgenbotham announced to the House.
The Loyalist desire to be part of the United Kingdom and the
Nationalist desire to be part of a united Ireland can be neatly
accomplished by cancellation of the Irish Treaty of 1922, and the
recreation of a United Kingdom of Great Britain and an undivided
Ireland.
Conservative MPs cheered wildly, storming out of the House to disrupt a
local screening of "Michael Collins."
Her Majesty's Government is pleased to announce that Gibraltar will be
returned to Spain in a handover ceremony to take place later this year.
"We're all part of the EU now, so we said chuck it," said Commonwealth
Secretary Bob Hatchit, previously known as a populist pillar of the
previous government of Lady Thatcher.
In an unrelated development, the Commonwealth Secretary's title was
renamed "Colonial Secretary", and returned to full cabinet rank for the
first time since the 1940s. Whitehall dismissed rumours that this name
change represented a return to the imperialist past.
This is just one of many events currently coming out of Europe. This journalist has NEVER seen such an explosive situation.
From the H.M.S. Indomitable, this is C.A. Flat reporting.
The Secretary of State for Northern Ireland is pleased to announce a
full solution to the problem of peace in Northern Ireland.
"We will be tough on Ireland and tough on the causes of Ireland," Sir
Randolph Higgenbotham announced to the House.
The Loyalist desire to be part of the United Kingdom and the
Nationalist desire to be part of a united Ireland can be neatly
accomplished by cancellation of the Irish Treaty of 1922, and the
recreation of a United Kingdom of Great Britain and an undivided
Ireland.
Conservative MPs cheered wildly, storming out of the House to disrupt a
local screening of "Michael Collins."
Her Majesty's Government is pleased to announce that Gibraltar will be
returned to Spain in a handover ceremony to take place later this year.
"We're all part of the EU now, so we said chuck it," said Commonwealth
Secretary Bob Hatchit, previously known as a populist pillar of the
previous government of Lady Thatcher.
In an unrelated development, the Commonwealth Secretary's title was
renamed "Colonial Secretary", and returned to full cabinet rank for the
first time since the 1940s. Whitehall dismissed rumours that this name
change represented a return to the imperialist past.
This is just one of many events currently coming out of Europe. This journalist has NEVER seen such an explosive situation.
From the H.M.S. Indomitable, this is C.A. Flat reporting.
Demetrias
Emperor
IN The Russian Offices as President Demetri gets news of the Troop movements of other Nations.
Demetri: Da freakin. Flamin. Fools. How did this happen. Daaaa.............
Arrgh what in the world are we gonna do now.
Ge freak frappin ga da mother futter brickin frappin brack.
Millitaty Advisor: Kill them all.
Domestic Advisor: Sue for Peace and work out peaceful negotiation.
BANG.
Demetri: He always was a bit of a morron. Get him out of Here. Will reconven in the Morning. Dang How did this happen.
(Gaurds pick up Domestic Advisor and drag his body from the Room.)
Demetri: Da freakin. Flamin. Fools. How did this happen. Daaaa.............
Arrgh what in the world are we gonna do now.
Ge freak frappin ga da mother futter brickin frappin brack.
Millitaty Advisor: Kill them all.
Domestic Advisor: Sue for Peace and work out peaceful negotiation.
BANG.
Demetri: He always was a bit of a morron. Get him out of Here. Will reconven in the Morning. Dang How did this happen.
(Gaurds pick up Domestic Advisor and drag his body from the Room.)
Demetrias
Emperor
Demetri: HAHAHAHAA.
This is great men. The evil back stabers is losing to his own in competence as a General. He Can't even gaurd his borders from a smaller enemy.
Military Advisor: But sir we aren't doing that well our selfs.
Demetri: General its one thing to be losing to Three oppenents its another to be Losing to one openent. That will teach him to turn down my generous offer. He could have been a real power. Ah well the Ukraine will teach him a lesson once they control the Black sea. Though I wonder if he is capable to do that. I mean an Illiterate General or Maybe its he doesn't pay attention. Either way that will cost him the war. Had the nerve to call me a pot head. I haven't even touched the stuff. It was all in my press release. Mutter. Mutter.????????
M.A. : Sir a could you please come back to the war.
D.: Oh were was I. Oh i remember that moron in the Black sea. All well might as well gloat it looks like we will be losing our only warm water ports. So he can't touch us. BAH.
Now about that traitor Poland thats going to be Hard.
Why can't he go play with Germany? Its not like he is giong to gain anything in this war. I would rather give it to that crazy Ukrainian. Then him. Secretary!(Bleod)
Secretary: Yes sir.
D: Draft a Letter to that upstart in Poland. Tell him that he will never get an inch of Russian Land that we would rather give it to the Mongrol Ukrainians then them cheap Poles. We will fight to the last drop of Polish blood to Defend our land.
(ooc)I am going to post this in both threads.
This is great men. The evil back stabers is losing to his own in competence as a General. He Can't even gaurd his borders from a smaller enemy.
Military Advisor: But sir we aren't doing that well our selfs.
Demetri: General its one thing to be losing to Three oppenents its another to be Losing to one openent. That will teach him to turn down my generous offer. He could have been a real power. Ah well the Ukraine will teach him a lesson once they control the Black sea. Though I wonder if he is capable to do that. I mean an Illiterate General or Maybe its he doesn't pay attention. Either way that will cost him the war. Had the nerve to call me a pot head. I haven't even touched the stuff. It was all in my press release. Mutter. Mutter.????????
M.A. : Sir a could you please come back to the war.
D.: Oh were was I. Oh i remember that moron in the Black sea. All well might as well gloat it looks like we will be losing our only warm water ports. So he can't touch us. BAH.
Now about that traitor Poland thats going to be Hard.
Why can't he go play with Germany? Its not like he is giong to gain anything in this war. I would rather give it to that crazy Ukrainian. Then him. Secretary!(Bleod)
Secretary: Yes sir.
D: Draft a Letter to that upstart in Poland. Tell him that he will never get an inch of Russian Land that we would rather give it to the Mongrol Ukrainians then them cheap Poles. We will fight to the last drop of Polish blood to Defend our land.
(ooc)I am going to post this in both threads.
Richard III
Duke of Gloucester
Anyone want to lay odds?
I say 1:1 that he's down by '97 in the top of the inning.
I say 1:1 that he's down by '97 in the top of the inning.
Demetrias
Emperor
Spring or Fall top? I don't watch baseball.
I will give you odds probably an hour after i get that info.
and build orders gota have them build orders.
I will give you odds probably an hour after i get that info.
and build orders gota have them build orders.
Magnus
Diplocat
The governemnt of Poland wishes to inform all seafaring states of Europe that the Baltic Sea is now a war zone due to the outbreak of hostilities between Poland and Russia. Any ships entering the Baltic may be detained or sunk. Please avoid the area until it is pacified.
That is all
Magnus of Poland
That is all
Magnus of Poland