Out of the Rubble III The Chinese Empire
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Invisible Rhino
Prince
I learn so much from story threads 
Sorry for lack of updates. I've been busy 
CHAPTER FOUR: Viking Wars
Excerpts from The Wars of Ancient China, Written and Illustrated by Coullon Elsar.
How about the Alphabet, Mao? The Vikings brusque eyes remained focused on the Chinese man.
Chairman Mao shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of the great Ragnar Lodbrok. His voice cracked. Oh, Ragnar? he said. The Alphabet? Y-yes, very good, very fine. Alphabet? The alphabet, you say?
I dont need a parrot!
Yes, sir. Not a parrot, not
Silence! Lodbroks roar shook the room. A curious smirk remained fixed on his face, below the forest of facial hair. Laughing, he pushed his chair back and stood up straight. His imposing height and girth caused the chairman to shrink back. Your puny empire can offer nothing to the great Scandinavian Nation. We pity you. Give us the art of Ceremonial Burial and Masonry, and we will leave you in peace with our alphabet.
For an instant a strange emotion flashed across Maos face. It was an expression that the Viking Lord had never seen before. Puzzled, Lodbroks eyes widened. But then just as quick as it came the chairmans face, it disappeared. He was hiding something, Lodbrok knew.
No, please! Mao nearly cried. Tears were starting to form on his eyes. This was what the Viking Lord was used to seeing. All of his previous doubts disappeared. Ceremonial Burial was a gift to us from our Ku****e friends. It was the result of long and hard war. We paid for it with thousands of lives. It is the spirit of our country! It is their soul and mine! Mao gasped for breath. Masonry was one of the technologies discovered by the Great Yellow Emperor himself.
Forget it, Mao. This deal is finalized. Take it Ragnar Lodbrok surveyed the room before sitting back down to sign the papers. or leave it. Just being in Chinese land made him sick.
Add ten gold, and that is all I request, Mao said. There were no tears this time. Only a strong resolve as he tried to fight back his emotions.
Thats our entire treasury! Now, Chairman, remember
That is our deal, lord Lodbrok. Take it or leave it. The Despots deep black eyes glinted with icy chill.
Lodbrok didnt know what hit him. Nor did he care. He wrote down a quick trade agreement. You want the Alphabet and 10 Gold. You offer Ceremonial Burial and Masonry.
Thank you, Ragnar Lodbrok, Chairman Mao said. The two rulers stood up and shook hands. May my staff escort you out ?
We can do without your pleasantries, thank you. The large Viking ruler marched out of the room. Pray that our great empire wont crush your puny nation.
As Lodbrok marched out of the room, Mao smiled. I wouldnt be doing that any time soon, he laughed under his breath.
(The first deal between the Chinese and the Vikings.)
--------------------------------------------------
Watch that step. Kun Chan, the foreign advisor, pointed out the broken staircase to the Chairman as they walked pass.
That accursed thing. When will they fix it? Mao brushed it off. His mind was on the situation at hand.
You get used to it, Kun said. The step had been broken ever since the palace renovations. It caved in when anyone stepped on it. But having served here all his life, the foreign advisor pretty much had adjusted.
Eh. Mao shrugged disdainfully.
Kun looked over the new despot of China. Having only been in the throne for a year after his father died, he had already asserted himself in his position of power. This despot was something new, all right. He seemed to glow with energy. His tone was ice cold when he wanted it to be. When that was not necessary, he took on a more resolved look. Sometimes, when the occasion called, he could put on many looks. Kuns personal favorite was Maos sympathetic whine at a cattle harvest to gain support.
Oh, seriously, I couldnt stop laughing during that negotiation of yours! Kun couldnt hold it in any longer.
The Chairman smiled, piercing Kun like a dagger. Really? I knew youd like it. I bet its different than the way my father did it.
Your father never met a barbarian tribe this
civilized? Mao laughed. He pulled out of the last flight of stairs and looked to the hallway ahead. On the walls, portraits of the previous Chairmen of China were hung.
Well, thats what they say.
These Vikings are no more civilized than those accursed Ku****e that plagued our empire a thousand years ago.
Duly so, Chairman
And do you know what time the Vikings started their civilization? One thousand and fifty years ago. 4000 years BC. Can you imagined how great and powerful our nation would be if those moronic Ku****es hadnt interfered with our expansion?!
Oh, yes, Chairman
Look at those Vikings! Tramping about as if they had any real power. It took all I could to hold back my laughter when that monster Lodbrok compared Scandinavia to China.
Sure
When the truth is, as we all know, it is China who can wipe out Scandinavia.
As expected
It is China who will wipe out Scandinavia.
Chaiman Mau slammed open the door to his quarters and walked out of sight. Kun stood there, shaking. Maos voice could be heard off in the distance, whispering to himself.
It is the spirit of our country! It is their soul and mine! Its pure genius, if I could say so myself.
--------------------------------------------------
Chairman? The door opened to the feeble knock. It wasnt even closed, the Kun noticed. The door opened to a dark room. The foreign advisor shouldnt have been surprised it was well past midnight.
At the far corner of the room sat a man, vigorous in his youth, scribbling away at papers. Candles lined his table ceremoniously, flickering randomly and casting ominous shadows across the room. He did not even look up from his desk. Occasionally, he murmured seemingly random phrases.
Kun Chan stood at the doorway for what seemed like ages before he noticed that Mao had appeared right in front of him. It was as if a ghost had appeared. Kun jumped back, spooked. The man he was seeing was not the man who had not slept for five days and had barely eaten since even longer. He was looking at a spirited, energetic entity. A physical incarnation of the Chinese nation. Chairman Maos hair was ruffled, almost completely light gray now, even at his young age. Everything about the despot from his posture to his intense burrowing eyes radiated a sense of wisdom and otherworldly knowledge that belied his age.
What is it, my dear Kun? Mao asked meekly. His multiple personalities or rather, his multiple facades did the work for him.
Kun hesitated, spooked by the apparition before him. Sir, the south battalion
You mean those useless ones? The ones who didnt find a civilization for me to conquer? The light had faded, and all that was visible of the despot were his ghostly eyes.
yes, that one, sir. Kun stepped back into the light, which did little to illuminate his surroundings. If anything, everything had become silent.
Carry on.
Well, you see, they have encountered a barbarian village.
Barbarian village? Is that an oxymoron? Well, wipe them out! I dont need barbarians in my way to conquest.
But, sir, these are peaceful barbarians. And Chu, our Military Advisor, suggests that we try to befriend them.
Befriend them? Is he mad?
But um you see there are some say advantages to this proposition.
Mao paused, skeptical.
Yes, you see, Chu suggests that
that we extract military from them. The Chairman had taken the words right out of Kuns mouth. Is that what you were going to say?
Yes, actually
You have your course of action, then, right? Sack the barbarian village and enslave a conscript band of warriors. Use them to scout or as attack troops.
Thats not exactly what Chu intended, but
Just do it, Kun. All animosity fled from the despots voice as the door slammed shut in front of Kuns face.
What did he mean by attack troops? Kun wondered as he left, bewildered. He wouldnt intend an attack that soon
right?
--------------------------------------------------
(Chinese troops camped outside Trondheim)
The great and glorious members of the First Battalion stood in the dark shadow of the night. Their pink uniforms shone with the glint of the moon. A large storm had passed by the region, moving south. What it left behind was swampy land in the frozen tundra.
Shaking off the cold, second-in-command John Elsar ran up the captain of the First Battalion, Ria Maenon.
What do you think theyre going to make us do, captain? John shivered as he spoke. Wetlands and tundra dont exactly mix.
The new chairman Ive heard hes a total lunatic, Ria said. What the heck are we doing here, anyway?
A diplomatic mission, of course, captain.
A diplomatic mission, John? Ria nearly laughed. A diplomatic mission is a couple of envoys. We are half of the Chinese army! And we are camped right outside of those barbarian Vikings!
Technically, we are one third of the military, counting the enslaved barbarians, but
Permission to speak freely denied, private. John Elsar immediately froze in fear, until the smile on his captains face revealed that he was just joking.
Its okay, lad. Someday, youll control this army. Or, whats left of it.
John didnt understand.
You know why this army is here? This is a siege. Were going to invade Scandinavia. Right here. Right now.
--------------------------------------------------
(The final trade with the Vikings before the world plunges into war.)
Chairman Mao stood triumphantly over Ragnar Lodbrok. The poor, broken man stood in shambles in the Viking Hall of Diplomacy. It was a sad case of irony from their previous meeting.
I assure you, Mister Lodbrok, that this trade is completely reasonable.
By the power of Thor! You cannot take bronze working away from us!
There are two ways we can do this, Thor. By peace or by war.
Ragnar Lodbrok looked into the raging eyes of the despot. There was a completely different man there. Or it could have been the same man the entire time but how could he have been fooled?
I swear, the kingdom of Scandinavia will run over your puny China
I am the one calling the threats here, Ragnar. The Chinese military outnumbers yours one to three. And half of it is sitting on your doorstep.
We will counter-attack!
Hah! Your brilliant map-makers dont even know where China is! You cannot find it, let alone attack it.
Ragnar, in his great pride, would not let himself yield. But he felt cornered. He needed to take advantage of the situation. And fast.
How about you give us 1 gold per Great Season for the next 20 seasons. He was asking for a quarter of a thousand years. He prayed that Mao would bite.
Mao simply smiled. The glorious Chinese accepts your offer, Ragnor Lodbrok. You will yield bronze working in return for pottery, 1 gold per great season, and 35 gold up-front.
The Viking Lord could only blink. Was it over?
Get out of my sight! He threw the table from the floor and the resounding noise shook the building. Mao bowed and left the room silently, Kun Chan catching up with him.
One Gold per Season? Are you mad? Kun said.
I dont intend to keep the deal, Mao said. A sinister smile crept across his face.
Finally, they were out of the city. They looked back from the safe location of the forests nearby.
What now? Kun asked. Mao looked up at the sun above, and then at the big pink blob moving across the plains, straight for Trondheim. We leave?
We watch.
I guess watching is good, too
--------------------------------------------------
The battle-cries of five hundred Chinese warriors resounded in John Elsars ears. His axe in hand, he crashed into the gates of Trondheim. An enemy in purple uniform jumped in front of him. He hewed him quickly. His blood was surging, and with his nation to back him up, there wasnt anything he couldnt do.
Warriors from both sides fought and fell. Soon the front of the city was strewn with bodies.
It all happened too fast, really. John was looking for the next enemy to kill when he heard a familiar scream. It was that of his captain, but it wasnt one of scorn. It was of pain. John rushed quickly to the noise to see his captain lying on the floor. Was he dead? His face became hot. Whether it was with sadness or with anger, he would not know.
And then, from behind him, an enemy warrior jumped in. John jumped back and dodged the whipping axe, pulling out an attack of his own. The enemys axe was embedded in the ground, but he pulled it out just in time to fend off Johns blow. The clash of the two axes nearly broke both. With a terrible cry, the enemy pulled back, setting Johns balance off. He swung his axe once more.
The axe barely missed John, grazing above his head as he was falling down. John recovered reflexively, grabbing his own axe and jabbing at the foot of the enemy. The enemy tripped over, and with a finishing move John impaled him with a spear lying on the ground.
The Elsar rushed over to his fallen captain. It seemed that Rias predictions had come true. In a bout of fury, John pulled his captain over his shoulder and plunged back into the battle, but making his way out of the city. His axe fended off blows until he was out in safety.
John fell down, crying. The last thing he saw as he looked up was the image of Mao, watching over the battle.
--------------------------------------------------
The battle was a complete failure, Chairman. John Elsar stood months later at the palace in China. Only a third of the Viking number was killed. Nearly all of our forces died. The rage behind the boys voice was clearly heard by all in the room. They were afraid of Maos response.
Dear Elsar, China is forever indebted to you for fighting for its cause. Thank you for the report on the battle. You may go now.
I trust that I will take Ria Maenons place, as stated his last wishes?
Oh, young one. Im afraid that is impossible. You have been disbanded from the military.
What?
Oh, yes. The First Battalion has become a nuisance to manage.
We were Chinas icon
Yes, but Im afraid China has a new icon, now.
And what would that be?
Myself.
CHAPTER FOUR: Viking Wars
Excerpts from The Wars of Ancient China, Written and Illustrated by Coullon Elsar.
How about the Alphabet, Mao? The Vikings brusque eyes remained focused on the Chinese man.
Chairman Mao shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of the great Ragnar Lodbrok. His voice cracked. Oh, Ragnar? he said. The Alphabet? Y-yes, very good, very fine. Alphabet? The alphabet, you say?
I dont need a parrot!
Yes, sir. Not a parrot, not
Silence! Lodbroks roar shook the room. A curious smirk remained fixed on his face, below the forest of facial hair. Laughing, he pushed his chair back and stood up straight. His imposing height and girth caused the chairman to shrink back. Your puny empire can offer nothing to the great Scandinavian Nation. We pity you. Give us the art of Ceremonial Burial and Masonry, and we will leave you in peace with our alphabet.
For an instant a strange emotion flashed across Maos face. It was an expression that the Viking Lord had never seen before. Puzzled, Lodbroks eyes widened. But then just as quick as it came the chairmans face, it disappeared. He was hiding something, Lodbrok knew.
No, please! Mao nearly cried. Tears were starting to form on his eyes. This was what the Viking Lord was used to seeing. All of his previous doubts disappeared. Ceremonial Burial was a gift to us from our Ku****e friends. It was the result of long and hard war. We paid for it with thousands of lives. It is the spirit of our country! It is their soul and mine! Mao gasped for breath. Masonry was one of the technologies discovered by the Great Yellow Emperor himself.
Forget it, Mao. This deal is finalized. Take it Ragnar Lodbrok surveyed the room before sitting back down to sign the papers. or leave it. Just being in Chinese land made him sick.
Add ten gold, and that is all I request, Mao said. There were no tears this time. Only a strong resolve as he tried to fight back his emotions.
Thats our entire treasury! Now, Chairman, remember
That is our deal, lord Lodbrok. Take it or leave it. The Despots deep black eyes glinted with icy chill.
Lodbrok didnt know what hit him. Nor did he care. He wrote down a quick trade agreement. You want the Alphabet and 10 Gold. You offer Ceremonial Burial and Masonry.
Thank you, Ragnar Lodbrok, Chairman Mao said. The two rulers stood up and shook hands. May my staff escort you out ?
We can do without your pleasantries, thank you. The large Viking ruler marched out of the room. Pray that our great empire wont crush your puny nation.
As Lodbrok marched out of the room, Mao smiled. I wouldnt be doing that any time soon, he laughed under his breath.
(The first deal between the Chinese and the Vikings.)
--------------------------------------------------
Watch that step. Kun Chan, the foreign advisor, pointed out the broken staircase to the Chairman as they walked pass.
That accursed thing. When will they fix it? Mao brushed it off. His mind was on the situation at hand.
You get used to it, Kun said. The step had been broken ever since the palace renovations. It caved in when anyone stepped on it. But having served here all his life, the foreign advisor pretty much had adjusted.
Eh. Mao shrugged disdainfully.
Kun looked over the new despot of China. Having only been in the throne for a year after his father died, he had already asserted himself in his position of power. This despot was something new, all right. He seemed to glow with energy. His tone was ice cold when he wanted it to be. When that was not necessary, he took on a more resolved look. Sometimes, when the occasion called, he could put on many looks. Kuns personal favorite was Maos sympathetic whine at a cattle harvest to gain support.
Oh, seriously, I couldnt stop laughing during that negotiation of yours! Kun couldnt hold it in any longer.
The Chairman smiled, piercing Kun like a dagger. Really? I knew youd like it. I bet its different than the way my father did it.
Your father never met a barbarian tribe this
civilized? Mao laughed. He pulled out of the last flight of stairs and looked to the hallway ahead. On the walls, portraits of the previous Chairmen of China were hung.
Well, thats what they say.
These Vikings are no more civilized than those accursed Ku****e that plagued our empire a thousand years ago.
Duly so, Chairman
And do you know what time the Vikings started their civilization? One thousand and fifty years ago. 4000 years BC. Can you imagined how great and powerful our nation would be if those moronic Ku****es hadnt interfered with our expansion?!
Oh, yes, Chairman
Look at those Vikings! Tramping about as if they had any real power. It took all I could to hold back my laughter when that monster Lodbrok compared Scandinavia to China.
Sure
When the truth is, as we all know, it is China who can wipe out Scandinavia.
As expected
It is China who will wipe out Scandinavia.
Chaiman Mau slammed open the door to his quarters and walked out of sight. Kun stood there, shaking. Maos voice could be heard off in the distance, whispering to himself.
It is the spirit of our country! It is their soul and mine! Its pure genius, if I could say so myself.
--------------------------------------------------
Chairman? The door opened to the feeble knock. It wasnt even closed, the Kun noticed. The door opened to a dark room. The foreign advisor shouldnt have been surprised it was well past midnight.
At the far corner of the room sat a man, vigorous in his youth, scribbling away at papers. Candles lined his table ceremoniously, flickering randomly and casting ominous shadows across the room. He did not even look up from his desk. Occasionally, he murmured seemingly random phrases.
Kun Chan stood at the doorway for what seemed like ages before he noticed that Mao had appeared right in front of him. It was as if a ghost had appeared. Kun jumped back, spooked. The man he was seeing was not the man who had not slept for five days and had barely eaten since even longer. He was looking at a spirited, energetic entity. A physical incarnation of the Chinese nation. Chairman Maos hair was ruffled, almost completely light gray now, even at his young age. Everything about the despot from his posture to his intense burrowing eyes radiated a sense of wisdom and otherworldly knowledge that belied his age.
What is it, my dear Kun? Mao asked meekly. His multiple personalities or rather, his multiple facades did the work for him.
Kun hesitated, spooked by the apparition before him. Sir, the south battalion
You mean those useless ones? The ones who didnt find a civilization for me to conquer? The light had faded, and all that was visible of the despot were his ghostly eyes.
yes, that one, sir. Kun stepped back into the light, which did little to illuminate his surroundings. If anything, everything had become silent.
Carry on.
Well, you see, they have encountered a barbarian village.
Barbarian village? Is that an oxymoron? Well, wipe them out! I dont need barbarians in my way to conquest.
But, sir, these are peaceful barbarians. And Chu, our Military Advisor, suggests that we try to befriend them.
Befriend them? Is he mad?
But um you see there are some say advantages to this proposition.
Mao paused, skeptical.
Yes, you see, Chu suggests that
that we extract military from them. The Chairman had taken the words right out of Kuns mouth. Is that what you were going to say?
Yes, actually
You have your course of action, then, right? Sack the barbarian village and enslave a conscript band of warriors. Use them to scout or as attack troops.
Thats not exactly what Chu intended, but
Just do it, Kun. All animosity fled from the despots voice as the door slammed shut in front of Kuns face.
What did he mean by attack troops? Kun wondered as he left, bewildered. He wouldnt intend an attack that soon
right?
--------------------------------------------------
(Chinese troops camped outside Trondheim)
The great and glorious members of the First Battalion stood in the dark shadow of the night. Their pink uniforms shone with the glint of the moon. A large storm had passed by the region, moving south. What it left behind was swampy land in the frozen tundra.
Shaking off the cold, second-in-command John Elsar ran up the captain of the First Battalion, Ria Maenon.
What do you think theyre going to make us do, captain? John shivered as he spoke. Wetlands and tundra dont exactly mix.
The new chairman Ive heard hes a total lunatic, Ria said. What the heck are we doing here, anyway?
A diplomatic mission, of course, captain.
A diplomatic mission, John? Ria nearly laughed. A diplomatic mission is a couple of envoys. We are half of the Chinese army! And we are camped right outside of those barbarian Vikings!
Technically, we are one third of the military, counting the enslaved barbarians, but
Permission to speak freely denied, private. John Elsar immediately froze in fear, until the smile on his captains face revealed that he was just joking.
Its okay, lad. Someday, youll control this army. Or, whats left of it.
John didnt understand.
You know why this army is here? This is a siege. Were going to invade Scandinavia. Right here. Right now.
--------------------------------------------------
(The final trade with the Vikings before the world plunges into war.)
Chairman Mao stood triumphantly over Ragnar Lodbrok. The poor, broken man stood in shambles in the Viking Hall of Diplomacy. It was a sad case of irony from their previous meeting.
I assure you, Mister Lodbrok, that this trade is completely reasonable.
By the power of Thor! You cannot take bronze working away from us!
There are two ways we can do this, Thor. By peace or by war.
Ragnar Lodbrok looked into the raging eyes of the despot. There was a completely different man there. Or it could have been the same man the entire time but how could he have been fooled?
I swear, the kingdom of Scandinavia will run over your puny China
I am the one calling the threats here, Ragnar. The Chinese military outnumbers yours one to three. And half of it is sitting on your doorstep.
We will counter-attack!
Hah! Your brilliant map-makers dont even know where China is! You cannot find it, let alone attack it.
Ragnar, in his great pride, would not let himself yield. But he felt cornered. He needed to take advantage of the situation. And fast.
How about you give us 1 gold per Great Season for the next 20 seasons. He was asking for a quarter of a thousand years. He prayed that Mao would bite.
Mao simply smiled. The glorious Chinese accepts your offer, Ragnor Lodbrok. You will yield bronze working in return for pottery, 1 gold per great season, and 35 gold up-front.
The Viking Lord could only blink. Was it over?
Get out of my sight! He threw the table from the floor and the resounding noise shook the building. Mao bowed and left the room silently, Kun Chan catching up with him.
One Gold per Season? Are you mad? Kun said.
I dont intend to keep the deal, Mao said. A sinister smile crept across his face.
Finally, they were out of the city. They looked back from the safe location of the forests nearby.
What now? Kun asked. Mao looked up at the sun above, and then at the big pink blob moving across the plains, straight for Trondheim. We leave?
We watch.
I guess watching is good, too
--------------------------------------------------
The battle-cries of five hundred Chinese warriors resounded in John Elsars ears. His axe in hand, he crashed into the gates of Trondheim. An enemy in purple uniform jumped in front of him. He hewed him quickly. His blood was surging, and with his nation to back him up, there wasnt anything he couldnt do.
Warriors from both sides fought and fell. Soon the front of the city was strewn with bodies.
It all happened too fast, really. John was looking for the next enemy to kill when he heard a familiar scream. It was that of his captain, but it wasnt one of scorn. It was of pain. John rushed quickly to the noise to see his captain lying on the floor. Was he dead? His face became hot. Whether it was with sadness or with anger, he would not know.
And then, from behind him, an enemy warrior jumped in. John jumped back and dodged the whipping axe, pulling out an attack of his own. The enemys axe was embedded in the ground, but he pulled it out just in time to fend off Johns blow. The clash of the two axes nearly broke both. With a terrible cry, the enemy pulled back, setting Johns balance off. He swung his axe once more.
The axe barely missed John, grazing above his head as he was falling down. John recovered reflexively, grabbing his own axe and jabbing at the foot of the enemy. The enemy tripped over, and with a finishing move John impaled him with a spear lying on the ground.
The Elsar rushed over to his fallen captain. It seemed that Rias predictions had come true. In a bout of fury, John pulled his captain over his shoulder and plunged back into the battle, but making his way out of the city. His axe fended off blows until he was out in safety.
John fell down, crying. The last thing he saw as he looked up was the image of Mao, watching over the battle.
--------------------------------------------------
The battle was a complete failure, Chairman. John Elsar stood months later at the palace in China. Only a third of the Viking number was killed. Nearly all of our forces died. The rage behind the boys voice was clearly heard by all in the room. They were afraid of Maos response.
Dear Elsar, China is forever indebted to you for fighting for its cause. Thank you for the report on the battle. You may go now.
I trust that I will take Ria Maenons place, as stated his last wishes?
Oh, young one. Im afraid that is impossible. You have been disbanded from the military.
What?
Oh, yes. The First Battalion has become a nuisance to manage.
We were Chinas icon
Yes, but Im afraid China has a new icon, now.
And what would that be?
Myself.
Icmancin
WSNR Pte
Yeah, good. I like it. We salute you First Battalion! 
Invisible Rhino
Prince
Excellent update!
soul_warrior
Termite!
great.
lots of fun.
lots of fun.
IroquoisPlisken
Brigadier Idiot
I'm expecting great things from John Elsar. Just like all of his ancestors (even his ancestors from alternate dimensions 
).
).biggamer132
King
I was about to say that a warrior-warrior battle with no reinforcements seemed risky, but oh well. Awesome update.
biggamer132 said:I was about to say that a warrior-warrior battle with no reinforcements seemed risky, but oh well. Awesome update.
I was reliving the old Indian Wars
The exact same situation occurred there, but...they already had an extra, undefended city. What I should have done was fortify my Warrior on a mountain outside of their capital (and keeping their worker useless)...but I attacked.
I think I was just as stupid/hasty this time, too...I should have caught the warker first
Invisible Rhino
Prince
That's a beautiful map...I can't wait until it gets filled up
biggamer132
King
Hey MSTK, where'd you get that interface? Link, maybe?
Interface: Metallic Interface by Eva
Terrain: Watercolor mod by Warpstorm
Borders: Mixed by Midnight Piper
The shaded territory was done with a graphics editor program, with the bezier tool and "Color" blending option and transparency set to 25%
Terrain: Watercolor mod by Warpstorm
Borders: Mixed by Midnight Piper
The shaded territory was done with a graphics editor program, with the bezier tool and "Color" blending option and transparency set to 25%
CHAPTER FOUR: The Strange Peace
Excerpts from letters to Great Rulers of the World; Published by Doughton Muffin.
Dear Editor:
I have noticed that you do not have a good analysis of the Line of Great Mao in your book, Great Rulers of the World. I am submitting my own proposal. It is heavily researched etc. etc. Read it, enjoy it, etc. etc.
- Anonymous (But still send me the money)
And now next on our analysis of Rulers of the World is Chairmen Mao of Ancient China. No, by all means, not just one Chairman Mao. The Great Mao, as they were called, began with Emperor Mao LXXXI, who led the Viking Wars.
The line of Great Mao all had one thing in common: A solid will, amazing charm, and cold personality like that of an ice cube. A frozen one, of course.
But, for the most part, the Chinese people completely ignored the war. It did not affect them in any way whatsoever. No Vikings ever invaded them. This was the work of the line of Great Mao. They did a good job, you see.
Due to this uninvolved stance, the Chinese economy and lifestyle was able to improve drastically throughout these years.
(The Third Chinese City)
Years eventually passed, and the bloodline of the Great Mao temporarily failed. This is because, while the Prince of China out on a hunting trip to the forests north of Beijing, the Royal Butler had slain the Great Mao for treason, when he himself was the ultimate treason doing person thingy.
Of course, the irony is that the Great Mao defines treason. And because he is dead, there is no one to define it. The Butler got away due to a constitutional loophole, and went on to become a great Politician, where he proceeded to carry out treason. However, because of his profession, nobody cared.
The Prince of China was, therefore, technically, absolutely, undoubtedly, the next Chairman Mao! But when the official Prince Finders turned up with nothing, there was a dilemma. So, the Prince of China was skipped in the throne, and the job was given to the crazy Steward.
It turns out that the Prince had built with his bare hands a log cabin, a fireplace, a drinking well, and a television set. He completely sustained himself in the woods, and was content living there. He decided to rule over the animals as a tyrant. In some ways, animals are better to raise than humans. They may bicker and whine, but at least you can cut their heads off if they do.
So, the crazy steward, having not been able to find the Prince of China, was met with the current Ragnar Lodbrok of the Vikings. Lodbrok happened to wander by one day carrying the entire Scandinavian Treasury in his pocket: 35 gold. The steward was entranced with the gold, and corruption overtook him. Not the I want it myself corruption, mind you. It was the My country deserves that corruption. So, its not really corruption. If it was, a lot more people should be corrupted. But, thats not the case. In any case, he wanted that Gold.
I wanted that gold! says he.
Well, you cant have it, Lodbrok belched.
Youll have to fight me for it! the steward yelled.
What?
What, are you chicken? goaded the stewart.
Im sorry, good sir, but I do not understand what you are
Fight me! Fight me for it!
But you dont have anything I want.
Ah, thats what you think! the steward taunted.
What?
What about that Gold of yours, eh? What about your wife back at home? What about your invisible pet rhino?
Im still single and I dont have a pet rhino, let alone an invisible one.
Youre single? the steward asked inquisitively.
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Oh, youre so lucky. The steward sat down and wept.
How so?
My wife is a nightmare!
Ah, there, there, the Ragnar comforted. It cant be that bad
But it is! At this point the steward was sobbing uncontrollably.
Do you want to talk about it? Lodbrok asked.
Well, you get the picture. The two had a heart-to-heart talk, and eventually it ended up with the Vikings settling a peace treaty with China.
(The lucrative deal)
Of course, as you would expect, the minute the Prince of China came back to his palace for a bathroom break (his hand-made outhouse had unfortunately exploded into a million pieces years before), he was very mad at the steward.
No, I mean, very mad. You cant even imagine how mad he was. Nope, youre trying. Dont even try to imagine it. Youll never reach it. If you try to imagine how mad he was, your head would spontaneously combust. Then itd implode. At the same time. So, beware!
So, without imagining how mad he could be, you know that he was mad. He was very mad. Not the crazy mad, but the angry mad.
Now, say, here! he said, jabbing a pencil at the stewards chest.
What? the steward replied.
Im mad at you!
Really? How mad? the steward asked.
Im really mad!
Well, I could imagine
No! Prince/King Mao interrupted. You cant imagine!
Oh?
Yes! The prince yelled. Im so bloody mad that nobody can imagine how mad I am!
Well, thats pretty ironic, the steward replied.
How so? the Prince asked inquisitively.
Well, if nobody can imagine how mad you are, then how can you imagine?
But um Im the one thats mad
Thats no excuse. The despot isnt above his own laws. Now, if you say nobody can imagine it, then nobody can imagine it! the steward lectured
I guess if you put it that way
Thats the only way to put it!
Yes, I see, but
No buts! Shame on you, King. Shame on you for putting yourself above other people.
But I am the Chairman and all
So what? Chairmen dont have power in despotism. You arent even in the Industrial Age yet. Chairmen are the rulers of republics or communist societies.
But
Now I want you to go to your room and think about what youve just done.
Okay, Mao sulked off. Wait a second, he muttered. He realized what just happened. Oh, Im unimaginably mad at you now! He pulled out a sword and lunged at the steward.
But then you dont know how mad you really are! the steward cried. And then he promptly winked out of existence.
And so time passed on, until something strange happened. The Byzantines had lurked in the shadows of the world, not venturing out of their shelter until now. They had, previously, inhabited a part of the island that was thoroughly explored except for one dark corner. So then they spread their influence and founded the city of Adrianople.
Adrianople was where the Chinese had already mapped, so the scholars noticed it immediately.
The Byzantines had been behind their back the whole time! Immediately, and envoy was sent. On the other side of the world, the Second Battalion had founded Iron Working in an abandoned barbarian village. They took it back to the place, and the world rejoiced.
And then, the first Spearman Battalion rose out of Chinese lands. It was equipped with the latest military fashions and styles: bronze. At the same time, an envoy had arrived at Byzantine.
The Byzantines were dirt poor. They didnt have anything but 32 Gold.
(The I wish I had a lucrative deal deal)
Now, as the steward had taught China, anything less than 35 Gold is pure crap. The Byzantines had nothing to offer. But they did have an extra city.
So, knowing the Great Mao (Chairmen Mao CVI), he declares war on the Byzantines. Imediately. No hesitation.
And, knowing the Great Mao, he his attacking force (a barbarian recruit) loses pathetically.
Excerpts from letters to Great Rulers of the World; Published by Doughton Muffin.
Dear Editor:
I have noticed that you do not have a good analysis of the Line of Great Mao in your book, Great Rulers of the World. I am submitting my own proposal. It is heavily researched etc. etc. Read it, enjoy it, etc. etc.
- Anonymous (But still send me the money)
And now next on our analysis of Rulers of the World is Chairmen Mao of Ancient China. No, by all means, not just one Chairman Mao. The Great Mao, as they were called, began with Emperor Mao LXXXI, who led the Viking Wars.
The line of Great Mao all had one thing in common: A solid will, amazing charm, and cold personality like that of an ice cube. A frozen one, of course.
But, for the most part, the Chinese people completely ignored the war. It did not affect them in any way whatsoever. No Vikings ever invaded them. This was the work of the line of Great Mao. They did a good job, you see.
Due to this uninvolved stance, the Chinese economy and lifestyle was able to improve drastically throughout these years.
(The Third Chinese City)
Years eventually passed, and the bloodline of the Great Mao temporarily failed. This is because, while the Prince of China out on a hunting trip to the forests north of Beijing, the Royal Butler had slain the Great Mao for treason, when he himself was the ultimate treason doing person thingy.
Of course, the irony is that the Great Mao defines treason. And because he is dead, there is no one to define it. The Butler got away due to a constitutional loophole, and went on to become a great Politician, where he proceeded to carry out treason. However, because of his profession, nobody cared.
The Prince of China was, therefore, technically, absolutely, undoubtedly, the next Chairman Mao! But when the official Prince Finders turned up with nothing, there was a dilemma. So, the Prince of China was skipped in the throne, and the job was given to the crazy Steward.
It turns out that the Prince had built with his bare hands a log cabin, a fireplace, a drinking well, and a television set. He completely sustained himself in the woods, and was content living there. He decided to rule over the animals as a tyrant. In some ways, animals are better to raise than humans. They may bicker and whine, but at least you can cut their heads off if they do.
So, the crazy steward, having not been able to find the Prince of China, was met with the current Ragnar Lodbrok of the Vikings. Lodbrok happened to wander by one day carrying the entire Scandinavian Treasury in his pocket: 35 gold. The steward was entranced with the gold, and corruption overtook him. Not the I want it myself corruption, mind you. It was the My country deserves that corruption. So, its not really corruption. If it was, a lot more people should be corrupted. But, thats not the case. In any case, he wanted that Gold.
I wanted that gold! says he.
Well, you cant have it, Lodbrok belched.
Youll have to fight me for it! the steward yelled.
What?
What, are you chicken? goaded the stewart.
Im sorry, good sir, but I do not understand what you are
Fight me! Fight me for it!
But you dont have anything I want.
Ah, thats what you think! the steward taunted.
What?
What about that Gold of yours, eh? What about your wife back at home? What about your invisible pet rhino?
Im still single and I dont have a pet rhino, let alone an invisible one.
Youre single? the steward asked inquisitively.
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Oh, youre so lucky. The steward sat down and wept.
How so?
My wife is a nightmare!
Ah, there, there, the Ragnar comforted. It cant be that bad
But it is! At this point the steward was sobbing uncontrollably.
Do you want to talk about it? Lodbrok asked.
Well, you get the picture. The two had a heart-to-heart talk, and eventually it ended up with the Vikings settling a peace treaty with China.
(The lucrative deal)
Of course, as you would expect, the minute the Prince of China came back to his palace for a bathroom break (his hand-made outhouse had unfortunately exploded into a million pieces years before), he was very mad at the steward.
No, I mean, very mad. You cant even imagine how mad he was. Nope, youre trying. Dont even try to imagine it. Youll never reach it. If you try to imagine how mad he was, your head would spontaneously combust. Then itd implode. At the same time. So, beware!
So, without imagining how mad he could be, you know that he was mad. He was very mad. Not the crazy mad, but the angry mad.
Now, say, here! he said, jabbing a pencil at the stewards chest.
What? the steward replied.
Im mad at you!
Really? How mad? the steward asked.
Im really mad!
Well, I could imagine
No! Prince/King Mao interrupted. You cant imagine!
Oh?
Yes! The prince yelled. Im so bloody mad that nobody can imagine how mad I am!
Well, thats pretty ironic, the steward replied.
How so? the Prince asked inquisitively.
Well, if nobody can imagine how mad you are, then how can you imagine?
But um Im the one thats mad
Thats no excuse. The despot isnt above his own laws. Now, if you say nobody can imagine it, then nobody can imagine it! the steward lectured
I guess if you put it that way
Thats the only way to put it!
Yes, I see, but
No buts! Shame on you, King. Shame on you for putting yourself above other people.
But I am the Chairman and all
So what? Chairmen dont have power in despotism. You arent even in the Industrial Age yet. Chairmen are the rulers of republics or communist societies.
But
Now I want you to go to your room and think about what youve just done.
Okay, Mao sulked off. Wait a second, he muttered. He realized what just happened. Oh, Im unimaginably mad at you now! He pulled out a sword and lunged at the steward.
But then you dont know how mad you really are! the steward cried. And then he promptly winked out of existence.
And so time passed on, until something strange happened. The Byzantines had lurked in the shadows of the world, not venturing out of their shelter until now. They had, previously, inhabited a part of the island that was thoroughly explored except for one dark corner. So then they spread their influence and founded the city of Adrianople.
Adrianople was where the Chinese had already mapped, so the scholars noticed it immediately.
The Byzantines had been behind their back the whole time! Immediately, and envoy was sent. On the other side of the world, the Second Battalion had founded Iron Working in an abandoned barbarian village. They took it back to the place, and the world rejoiced.
And then, the first Spearman Battalion rose out of Chinese lands. It was equipped with the latest military fashions and styles: bronze. At the same time, an envoy had arrived at Byzantine.
The Byzantines were dirt poor. They didnt have anything but 32 Gold.
(The I wish I had a lucrative deal deal)
Now, as the steward had taught China, anything less than 35 Gold is pure crap. The Byzantines had nothing to offer. But they did have an extra city.
So, knowing the Great Mao (Chairmen Mao CVI), he declares war on the Byzantines. Imediately. No hesitation.
And, knowing the Great Mao, he his attacking force (a barbarian recruit) loses pathetically.
IroquoisPlisken
Brigadier Idiot
Lol, that was a funny update. 
)
Have you used that name before? It seems famliar...(and no, I'm not thinking of the real Houghton Mifflin
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