WickedSmurf
pr0
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring. Sorry Ray/Norm couldn't resist!)
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression
that he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large
trash can.
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I
was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.He
said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and
found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could
be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What
will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the
wrong way.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."
The early bird still has to eat worms.
The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the
difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in
prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with
something called labor.
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever
impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring. Sorry Ray/Norm couldn't resist!)
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression
that he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large
trash can.
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I
was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.He
said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and
found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could
be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What
will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the
wrong way.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."
The early bird still has to eat worms.
The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the
difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in
prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with
something called labor.
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever
