Shane's "Near middle-aged white guy w/ 3 kids and 2 jobs" thread

[Leha]

Next month I'm going to become a daddy.
How much sleep will be left for me then? (per day)

thanks

 

[7ronin]

Do you have a regulation middle aged white guy's lawn or have you bucked the trend and gone California style with small pebbles?

If the former what kind of turf do you have and what do you use to make it grow?

 

[.Shane.]

OK, its good to be back! Checking in on a quick break from work and will try and keep up w/ the latest questions!

Ah, a bunch about the fam! I'll just group them together then.

What were you thinking when you had 3 kids?

With the first it was "OMG!! IS SHE DEAD!?!"
With the second it was "meh.... it'll come out in his poop."
With the third it was "kids, take your baby brother out of trash can."

Is that what you meant? No. Here's a tip, don't ever search for "pricing white babies thailand" in google. WOW, was the mother-in-law ever mad at this idea.

How old are your kids?

5.5, 3.1, and 1 (later this month). I'm not sure how that translates in internet years.

Do you have term life insurance?
What kind of minivan does your wife drive?
Do you plan on having more kids?

Yes, Toyota Sienna RAWR!, and no.

The last answer also happens to be irreversable. Which is interesting. If you're in a commited relationship and are 100% sure you'd done w/ kids, then I'd recommend... no, I'd say its the moral obligation of the man to take the hit. I drove myself there, was done in 30 minutes, and got a sandwich on the way home.

I dont know how old your kids are. But do your kids ask really stupid questions? Whats the stupidest question they have ever asked? What did you tell them?

Good, they don't know how old you are, either. All the time. They are KIDS, after all. If middle-aged people w/ no lives routinely post some of the dribble that I read here all day, just think of the pearls of wisdom a 4 year old will dro p on you. Let's see... yesterday I was informed that
A. Dinosaurs are not really extinct
B. Mosquito eaters (bugs we have here in Cali that are benign) are more dangerous than tarantulas
C. Fish sticks taste like poop.
D. Gay liberal abortionists are plotting to kill all devout Catholics at 1 AM tonight... oh wait, that was something Inqvstor posted. Forget I said that.

I like to tell my kids all kids of things of questionable merit. Like that if someone teases you, what you should say in return is "whatever, Stalin". Or that if they really make me mad I'll bake them into a pie and eat them.

Oh, kids.

Alright. Thank you for the wonderful questions. I hope you have gained from this marvelous public service. Keep posting and I'll keep working to end the stereotyping of middle-aged white guys w/ kids, everywhere!

xoxoxox

 

[.Shane.]

Ah, here we go...

When you turn 35 do you rust?

Only on the inside. Its insidious! On the plus side you can recycle your blood along w/ your oil.

Were you born white or did you decide to be white later on in life?

Well, let me confess, it was quite a shock. To quote Navin Johnson, "you mean I'm gonna stay this color!?!"

TBH, I'm not sure if I'm gonna stay w/ being white or move on to something else. Its comfortable, I'm used to it. I'm thinking of turning it for "European American" or "Irish-German-English-Dutch-Californian-Americanoistan"... I'm also considering the simple and elegant "ivory". I think I'm past the warranty, however, and I can't take on another payment, atm.

Do you have a regulation middle aged white guy's lawn or have you bucked the trend and gone California style with small pebbles?

ROFL! I love this question! Funny thing is, I was just at the meeting the other day. Many people don't know this, but us middle-aged white guys have a weekly "World Subjugation and Poker Tournament" meeting were we discuss how we keep 98% of the world under our thumbs.

Anyway, we were just discussing the differences between Kentucky mild grasses and the Manitoboan broadleaf, and well, Larry Appleman tripped over the dead hooker in the hallway, and well, hilarity ensued and we forgot all about it.

TBH, most of us just let our staff of illegal immigrant workers make all these decisions for us. You want to know my naughty secret? My lawn care professional is actually on old white guy who drives a truck w/ a gun rack and has about 9 teeth. Not sure what his teeth/tattoo ratio is.

Anyhoo...

Great question! Good Bless America and onto the next question!

 

[.Shane.]

Next month I'm going to become a daddy.
How much sleep will be left for me then? (per day)

thanks

And with this one, I'll be all caught up!

How much sleep? Per day? Let me do the math....

Poopy diapers + crying baby + little/no sex + little/no gaming + wacky inlaws always over + baby barf = MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH SUCKER YOU ARE DEAD DEAD DEAD

Ok... um... seriously, all kids are different. Mine are not sleepers, BUT my wife breastfed, so at night, there often wasn't anything for me to do. Depends on your situation, good luck and enjoy, its an adventure!

Thanks for your query! shalom!

 

[Margim]

Which mode of death would be preferable and why? Mauling by a hunger crazed polar bear with blunt claws and no teeth, or being slowly toasted alive and eaten as the main course by a cult at a cannibalistic birthday celebration of a long dead South American god?

 

[Goonie]

Classy thread!

 

[Veritass]

As a fellow middle-aged white guy with kids, I will give you some input on having them. First, nothing in the world you can imagine and nothing I can tell you will have you understand that everything changes when you have kids. Your time, your priorities, your sleeping patterns, your relationship with your wife, your sex life, your friends, they all change, some for the better and some for the worse.

After a few months of trading sleeping times with my wife (if the kid wakes up before 2:00 am it's your turn and after 2:00 am it's my turn), we asked the pediatrician how long it will be until the kid is sleeping through the night. He asked how long he was sleeping, and we said about five hours. He informed me that they consider sleeping five hours is sleeping through the night.

 

[EdwardTking]

Next month I'm going to become a daddy.
How much sleep will be left for me then? (per day)

thanks

It depends. If baby feeding on mommy's milk, and mommy wants to keep baby with her, then you can slink off and sleep in the spare room. I did.

But if baby on formula milk, and baby in a cot; you get real conscripted.

 

[.Shane.]

Which mode of death would be preferable and why? Mauling by a hunger crazed polar bear with blunt claws and no teeth, or being slowly toasted alive and eaten as the main course by a cult at a cannibalistic birthday celebration of a long dead South American god?

Ah! Fascinating! Most definitely the bear. I think it would be comforting to have an animal around to pet during your last hours. and bears are sooo kewt and cuduwy!!

Thanks for your concern!

 

[.Shane.]

Classy thread!

Not quite question form, but I can play along!

Now, to give you the honest answer your heart seeks, I think that trying to turn the thread into some kind of class war will ultimately fail.

However, if you bake some lemon-poppy seed muffins, I'm sure your heart will warm, like the rays of sunshine the lords sends that push up the little daisies and occassional require me to visit the laser surgeon.

Thanks for your patient query! I am here to help!

 

[Technocactus]

Does your household attend a church/stupa/other religious buliding regularly?

 

[Leha]

And with this one, I'll be all caught up!

How much sleep? Per day? Let me do the math....

Poopy diapers + crying baby + little/no sex + little/no gaming + wacky inlaws always over + baby barf = MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH SUCKER YOU ARE DEAD DEAD DEAD

Ok... um... seriously, all kids are different. Mine are not sleepers, BUT my wife breastfed, so at night, there often wasn't anything for me to do. Depends on your situation, good luck and enjoy, its an adventure!

Thanks for your query! shalom!

Hmmm... good thing I'm not playing civ anymore. It could be painful dilemma.

 

[Leha]

It depends. If baby feeding on mommy's milk, and mommy wants to keep baby with her, then you can slink off and sleep in the spare room. I did.

But if baby on formula milk, and baby in a cot; you get real conscripted.

Thanks. Soooo....many sleepless nights are ahead.....

 

[Pyrite]

Does growing up suck? What are the ups and downs?

 

[Raisin Bran]

Does growing up suck? What are the ups and downs?

From a 10 years younger (28 with 1 kid and a fairly good job and a rent) perspective.

Growing up sucks

starting from 25 it all downhill!

No seriously life gets harder and harder but you have more experience to crunch it through. The worst part is (IMHO) it gets harder to do a job change. Once you chosen where you go going back is really hard.

Ill let the original poster answer this one with a 38 years perception !

 

[Abaddon]

are you generally ignorant/hateful towards imigrants?

 

[blackheart]

Do you wish you were a big sport star instead with a hot supermodel wife?

 

[downtown]

Shane is one of my new favorite posters.

Question: which aspect of moving from single to married life was the hardest? Whats do you like best about it?

 

[7ronin]

Do you rent or own?
Long or short commute to work?
Does the wife work?

Just think, someday you will no longer be a white, middle aged white guy with two jobs and three kids but instead will be an old white guy with no kids and a motor home.