Part 30: Colonial Empire
Somewhere Deep in the African Jungle
In the deepest, darkest reaches of the African jungle, two men cut through the thick flora with incredible speed. The one in the lead looked like any other European explorer, dressed in traditional explorer garb, waving around a machette. But closer inspection revealed that it was in fact Kaiser Willhelm, grinning like a madman as he cut through the dense jungle. Following behind him was a man in a tattered and torn German captain's uniform, with a little paintbrush moustache, who was gasping for air as he desperately tried to keep up with the Kaiser.
Kaiser: "Come on, Adolf, you're falling behind! You don't want to miss the wonders of Africa, do you?"
Adolf: "I'd much rather be back in the palace than out in this bloody jungle...."
Kaiser: "What was that, Adolf?"
Adolf: "Nothing, sir. And why are we out here exploring, when the Russians are defeating us everywhere? They've defeated the Netherlands, and taken control of Indonesia, threatening our colonies in the Pacific! And they're making landings all over Africa, slowly taking control of the strategic locations! And you're out here exploring!"
Kaiser: "Adolf, we have generals to take care of that kind of thing! And I doubt we'd be able to beat Russia even with me leading the army, with us only having.... How large is our army again, Adolf?"
Adolf: "Three old men on bycicles and a dog."
Kaiser: "Exactly! We're probably going to lose no matter who's leading us, so we might as well enjoy ourselves! And this is much more fun than being Kaiser!"
Adolf: "Whatever you say, sir.... Oh, you'll want to take a left here. According to those people at the last village we past, if we keep going straight we'll run into cannibals."
Kaiser: "Did you say cannibals?"
Adolf: "Yes sir."
Kaiser: "WONDERFUL! I've always wanted to meet one! Come, Adolf!"
And with that, Kaiser Willhelm sped off deeper into the jungle, closely followed by his loyal retainer Adolf.
Buddhist Monostary in the Mountains of Tibet
General Denikin stared in open disgust at the Russian division cowering behind any available cover outside the Buddhist Monostary.
Denikin: "What are you people doing?!?! It's only one man! You should be advancing!"
Russian Soldier: "You can advance if you want to, but we're staying here. That guy's got crazy kung-fu powers!"
Denikin growled angrily at the soldier, then started shouting orders into his radio. He was going to show what happened to those who defied Russia. All nine of his divisions were going to attack, and raze the monastary to the ground.
*10 minutes later*
Denikin: "RETREAT!!!!"
Bruce Lee watched as the Russian's ran as fast as their legs could. Silly invaders, thinking they could defeat Tibet.
