You Might Be a Redneck if...

[Alpha Killer II]

No Offense to anyone out there, just a collection of Redneck jokes

Spoiler :

You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.

Spoiler :

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

Spoiler :

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Spoiler :

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

Spoiler :

Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.

Spoiler :

You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

Spoiler :

Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks

Spoiler :

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

Spoiler :

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

Spoiler :

You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"

Spoiler :

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Spoiler :

You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

Spoiler :

The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.

Spoiler :

You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

Spoiler :

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Spoiler :

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

Spoiler :

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

Spoiler :

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

Spoiler :

You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.

Spoiler :

You and your dog use the same tree.

Spoiler :

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

Spoiler :

You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

Spoiler :

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

Spoiler :

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

Spoiler :

You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

Spoiler :

You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.

Spoiler :

You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.

Spoiler :

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

Spoiler :

Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.

Spoiler :

The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors

Spoiler :

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

Spoiler :

You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."

Spoiler :

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Spoiler :

Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary.
She lernt to readin'.

Spoiler :

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

Spoiler :

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

Spoiler :

You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

Spoiler :

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Spoiler :

Your family tree has no forks.

Spoiler :

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

Spoiler :

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

Spoiler :

You use a weedeater in your living room.

Spoiler :

You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.

Spoiler :

You have a rag for a gas cap.

Spoiler :

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.

Spoiler :

The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.

Spoiler :

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

Spoiler :

You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.

Spoiler :

AND YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF YOU HAVENT CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING TO THIS THREAD YET!!!!

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

You might be a redneck if you still haven't heard all these jokes.