Let's crack some heads.

[MaxWar]

Reminds me of my last game. After a grinding war with Monty, i decide to spearhead his capital to capture the Statue of Zeus. (The thing was giving me horrible headaches)
I snatch the capital and find out he has a dozen wonders sitting there, including the AP.

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

Welcome to the forums!

We won't eat you, of course.

If anyone tells you that they are more epic than I am, they are lying. Especially if their name is Tambien.

 

[Lead Paint]

My theory is that Napoleon was allowed to get away with his blatant wonder whoring by turning Buddhist, cosying him up to neighbourhood top dog Monty so he could run a skeleton military. Plus, did you see what an iceball France was? Probably wasn't much for him to do but sit around and build wonders anyway Paris is an awesome city, and I'm pretty sure it'll turn a profit as soon as it's out of anarchy. It sure was nice of the AIs to gather their wonders into a single weakly-held city for my convenience

Talking of the AP, following Monty's demise I am the new AP resident now I'M the one who gets to cripple my opponents with irritating demands! Result!

 

[hoplitejoe]

Reminds me of my last game. After a grinding war with Monty, i decide to spearhead his capital to capture the Statue of Zeus. (The thing was giving me horrible headaches)
I snatch the capital and find out he has a dozen wonders sitting there, including the AP.

Ohai and welcome



Nappy wonder whores like a pro, He has the best traits for it.

 

[Optical]

All the French leaders are wonderspammers under the right conditions, come to think of it. Just like all the Russian leaders are backstabbers and all the American leaders are peaceful...

 

[MaxWar]

Welcome to the forums!

We won't eat you, of course.

If anyone tells you that they are more epic than I am, they are lying. Especially if their name is Tambien.

Oh, hi! Im not sure i dig that band, the drummer kinda looks like Montezuma

 

[Optical]

I think that was possibly the best response to METY's welcome message yet.

 

[mayor]

 

[thecaesar]

I think that was possibly the best response to METY's welcome message yet.

yeah, I agree too.

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

I choose my band members well.

 

[thecaesar]

Gloriam Romae!

 

[Lead Paint]

Napoleon, sitting in his high castle and building wonders to himself, has fallen so far behind in research that he never had any chance of catching up. I think I've discovered why - proof that Napoleon is doing technology all wrong...



We Mongols have grasped the secrets of Steam Power where he failed to do so, and as a result our workers will complete everything quicker and have even less to do. Sometimes I wonder if we're a little TOO efficient

Napoleon goes to that Great Wonder-Spam in the Sky soon after...



Now it's just a matter of building up enough units to be able to take on Caesar and Alexander. I could diplomacify my way to a quick victory (with Caesar supporting me and Alex abstaining I'm only 5 votes away from being able to declare myself God), but where's the head-cracking fun in that? I churn out maces for City Raider promotions for the next few turns (in Ning-hsia, my Heroic Epic city, fresh recruits emerge with 17 XP now that's one harsh training programme!) until I get this...



So dawns the era of infantry and cheap monochrome cars. Two turns of 0% on the slider is enough to upgrade all the spare macemen kicking around my territory to city raider 3 infantry. I have a stack for Rome...



A stack for Greece...



And a stack for either, depending on how the mood takes me...



With all of those infantry upgrades, I have enough military to *just* overtake Alexander on the power graph...



The fact that he's sporting little better than knights and longbows somehow makes it worse... I'm going to have to wade through oceans of medieval junk. Looks like Alex will be adopting the Zap Brannagan method for zone defence

So it comes down to this: which will give the better fight, Caesar or Alexander? If our resident Roman/Greek loyalists (you know who you are) are watching, this is your chance to win my coveted Civ 4 Nationalist of the Year Award... depending on which can hold out longest against the advancing Mongol infantry hordes

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

Since Caesar supports me, I vote ATTACK GREECE!

Logically, I can see this leading to a Tambien-Christos alliance.

 

[Jwitti]

I doubt that. I side with theceasar as well

 

[Tycho]

Burn Greece to ash, as after all the Mongols burnt plenty of cities!

 

[thecaesar]

Yes! Rome is too mighty for you!

...Not really, in this game Greece is probably scarier just from sheer numbers. Rome is past it's golden age as well, with Praetorians being obsolete (I hope, or else there will be a lot of them for you to wade through). But by way of democracy, Greece has been marked for death.

 

[Lead Paint]

Although democracy is for pansies who can't make decisions by themselves, in this case the Mighty Khan grudgingly agrees with the people, worthless peons though they are. Two stacks shall advance into Greece, maybe wheeling up to take that annoying Roman ex-barb city in the process, while the remaining stack shall march into Rome proper.

Let the fireworks begin

 

[thecaesar]

Ah, the Irony. Greece killed by Democracy.

 

[Lead Paint]

I think Caesar is important in all areas of life. For example, I Caesar oppurtunity, I takes it



(Warning: this post will contain more puns that may be damaging to health or faith in humanity. Continue at your own risk.)

If you think I feel bad about this in the slightest, by the way, you evidently haven't been reading this very closely I declare on Alex in the same turn (you could say it's time to GREECE the wheels of my military machine).



I raze the Greek border city of Tzintzuntzen, the great general Ahuitzotl is born, and somewhere a spellchecker just died. The core Roman city of Neapolis falls soon after...



That's what they get for Roman too close to my borders.

In less puntastic news, this shows up next to Bulawayo...



And this, from the north...



Wow... they are STACKED I mass a few infantry defenders in the city and hope for the best. The Roman stack suicides itself against the city but the massive Greek force follows up, leading to this...



He killed one of my Great Generals, too fortunately I'm a warmongering Imperialistic civ so I probably have more Great Generals than ordinary soldiers, but the principle still stands. Alex shall pay for his insult.

Of course the Romans have pretty much exhausted their military, and Alex's monster stack is lying low, badly wounded, in Bulawayo. I, on the other hand, have another two stacks running around in their territory. My troops from the Greek campaign head north to relieve the city, casually capturing a Roman border fort on the way...



Do we want to keep it? Nu! (Hsung-Nu, that is.) My second stack razes Ulundi and kwaDukuza on the way past too. I catch a Greek invasion force out in the field...



Can we defeat it? You bet we CANNON all that's left of that stack is a smoking hole in the ground (if only there was a plantation there, I could have made a pun about a crater bananas. Alas, twas not to be).

Methinks the Greek defenders are a mighty bit screwed...



For some reason Alex moved half of his garrison back into Greek territory. What a fail... or should that be fail-anx? (Answer: no.)

Now that Bulawayo has returned safely to my control, the advance can continue in earnest. I meet this stack from Alex, which retreats shortly after into Pharsalos..



I hit the city with cannon and infantry, and of course it is a resounding victory for...



Oh. Right. Alex has so much medieval junk that my small group of elite city raider infantry have to take an extra turn to attack again and actually take the city. Looks like I'll have to wait until next update to capture it. What a farce...alos (please kill me).

 

[christos200]

Great update.