Beans

[Cursed_Wolf]

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She
loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that
they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle
man,he would never go for this carrying on."
She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her
car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she
called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to
walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked
beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any
ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed
three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt
reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated
herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife,
the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room
she seized the opportunity, shifted her
weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over
a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded
her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on
like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned
the air a few more times with her napkin,
placed it on her lap and folded her
hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing
for taking so long, he asked her if she
peeked, and she assured him that she
had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a
"Happy Birthday"!!!

 

[Yoda Power]

 

[Strider]

It's a pretty good joke, but I've heard it long before this.

 

[philippe]

thats very funny

 

[Wolfe Tone]

Very good, I've heard a few variations on that one.

 

[Yaniv]

Oh! I am never eating beans again!

 

[philippe]

Its like The simpsons
BART:Beans beans the musical fruit,the more you eat the more you let go!

 

[ubannoying]

Don't forget the Animaniacs:

"Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat, the more they kick you off the air if you finish this poem"

 

[puglover]

 

[Civanator]

Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more ya eat the more ya tute, the more ya tute the better ya feel, so eat beans with every meal!

Beans, Beans, they're good for your heart, the more ya eat the more ya fart, the more ya fart the better feel so eat beans with every meal!

that joke was hilarious!

 

[MTheil3508]

 

[Perfection]

Originally posted by Civanator
Beans, beans, the magical fruit,

It's musical Fruit not magical fruit!

 

[Civanator]

whatever!

 

[cgannon64]

Originally posted by philippe
Its like The simpsons
BART:Beans beans the musical fruit,the more you eat the more you let go!

Bah, the translation is all wrong! It doesn't even rhyme! Its, "Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!"

 

[philippe]

yeah i forgot the rest...bad memory...

 

[Eastern Knight]

hehe