Chronicles of Xeven: Prologue
- Thread starter Xeven the God
- Start date
Sixchan
Emperor
Questions on the map:
What is the middle green and the red line?
Do you have a terrain map? I'd like to see the positions of mountains and forests.
Could you give a brief history of the world and how the nations' territories got to their current situation in the Second Age?
What is the scale of the map?
Is it an island, continent, or planet?
Is this the baddie?
At least you can answer these questions when you have time, Tolkein had to put up with 3am phone calls from American fans.
What is the middle green and the red line?
Do you have a terrain map? I'd like to see the positions of mountains and forests.
Could you give a brief history of the world and how the nations' territories got to their current situation in the Second Age?
What is the scale of the map?
Is it an island, continent, or planet?
Is this the baddie?
At least you can answer these questions when you have time, Tolkein had to put up with 3am phone calls from American fans.
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
"What is the middle green and the red line?"
The three green ones on the bottom are all the Helsibahrian Empire after the the Dragon Wars. The red line is the Helsibahrian Empire at the exact end of the Second Age.
"Do you have a terrain map? I'd like to see the positions of mountains and forests."
I should, but I don't. I'll make it sooner or later.
"Could you give a brief history of the world and how the nations' territories got to their current situation in the Second Age?"
Yes, I could.
The Expansion of Helsibahr and the disapperence of it's two neighbors are do to the Dragon Wars, a three hundred year conflict between the Helsibahrian Nation (Not Xeven, he did not exist yet), the the God of Marria (Doranan), and the God of Merr (Herra).
The Expanssion of Ceresvorr is do to the succession wars in Ferda, which gave the Ceresvorrians an opertunity to invade, and the union of Gellik and Ceresvorr in a royal maridge.
Gar En'Tos still exists, but it's people have withdrawn from society, thus letting the Zervs claim the whole isle.
"What is the scale of the map?"
1 inch = 500,000Km (Do you think this may be a little small or big?)
"Is it an island, continent, or planet?"
It is a continent for now. That is all you need to know.
"Is Xeta the badie?"
HELL NO! Xeta is the High Emperor of the Helsibahrian Empire!
The three green ones on the bottom are all the Helsibahrian Empire after the the Dragon Wars. The red line is the Helsibahrian Empire at the exact end of the Second Age.
"Do you have a terrain map? I'd like to see the positions of mountains and forests."
I should, but I don't. I'll make it sooner or later.
"Could you give a brief history of the world and how the nations' territories got to their current situation in the Second Age?"
Yes, I could.
The Expansion of Helsibahr and the disapperence of it's two neighbors are do to the Dragon Wars, a three hundred year conflict between the Helsibahrian Nation (Not Xeven, he did not exist yet), the the God of Marria (Doranan), and the God of Merr (Herra).
The Expanssion of Ceresvorr is do to the succession wars in Ferda, which gave the Ceresvorrians an opertunity to invade, and the union of Gellik and Ceresvorr in a royal maridge.
Gar En'Tos still exists, but it's people have withdrawn from society, thus letting the Zervs claim the whole isle.
"What is the scale of the map?"
1 inch = 500,000Km (Do you think this may be a little small or big?)
"Is it an island, continent, or planet?"
It is a continent for now. That is all you need to know.
"Is Xeta the badie?"
HELL NO! Xeta is the High Emperor of the Helsibahrian Empire!
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
BOOOMP!
Sixchan
Emperor
Why don't you write another part before you bump it again?
Come on! I need to read the next part! Please!
Come on! I need to read the next part! Please!
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
I'm sorry Six, it is taking longer than I originally thought. I'm half way done, I just need to confer, edit and post it. It'll take a day or two at MOST.
Btw, the next part introduces Xeta. No Wervan
(Don't look so worried, I'll get back to Wervan in Part 3.)
Btw, the next part introduces Xeta. No Wervan
(Don't look so worried, I'll get back to Wervan in Part 3.)Sixchan
Emperor
Hey! Come on, its been four days! Where's my part two?
kundor
Chairman of the H.I.V.E.
Hmmm..if he takes too long, we can start writing additions ourselves...that will doubtless speed him up 
"Wervan was strolling down a path, trying to muddle his way to Helkendrass. Suddenly, a large squadron of chaos needlejets swooped out of the air! He gawked upwards in surprise as the nerve gas took him."
"Wervan was strolling down a path, trying to muddle his way to Helkendrass. Suddenly, a large squadron of chaos needlejets swooped out of the air! He gawked upwards in surprise as the nerve gas took him."
duke o' york
It don't mean a thing....
Would this be Xeta the warrior princess?
Things seem to be cliché-ing up already! I realise that calling your dwarves Frank and Andy might seem a bit odd in a fantasy setting, but overuse of otherwise little used letters in the character names can start to get ridiculous too. Jofrik, Yoblav, Zephya and Quaarg are just stupid collections of letters I have put together but they all sound like typical fantasy characters. While you should respect your fantasy setting, don't be afraid to introduce elements of the real world. I realise it goes back on what I've just said, but Zac (OK, one little-used letter) is a name from the bible that can equally be used in a fantasy setting. In fatc, giving it a biblical air could be quite useful to make your story a bit different.
Things seem to be cliché-ing up already! I realise that calling your dwarves Frank and Andy might seem a bit odd in a fantasy setting, but overuse of otherwise little used letters in the character names can start to get ridiculous too. Jofrik, Yoblav, Zephya and Quaarg are just stupid collections of letters I have put together but they all sound like typical fantasy characters. While you should respect your fantasy setting, don't be afraid to introduce elements of the real world. I realise it goes back on what I've just said, but Zac (OK, one little-used letter) is a name from the bible that can equally be used in a fantasy setting. In fatc, giving it a biblical air could be quite useful to make your story a bit different.
kundor
Chairman of the H.I.V.E.
There have been other Zacs...using biblical names isn't all that uncommon, and I'm not sure if it's really the connection you want a reader to make when you're writing what's essentially pagan literature (multiple gods, magic, and whatnot.) The strange names are part of what make the world seem strange and new. What's best, however, is not simply putting together random letters but developing a sort of standard name type for each race/region etc....tolkien did that...he went even further and began piecing together names out of important occupations, etc, distorted by the generations that they have been in use...the language appendix has his rationalizations of samwise and hamfast gamgee, meriadoc brandybuck and peregrin took...which aren't the old random letters, but still not at all normal names.
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
That is a good idea kundor...A name system .
Oh, and Duke, if you don't like the damn story, don't read it!
.Oh, and Duke, if you don't like the damn story, don't read it!
The first post was genuinely pretty good, but the second bit degenerated badly, for example:
"The heat was tremendous, and the air was unbelievably muggy. It really annoyed Wervan, because he was trying to concentrate on his work, which was kind of hard because he worked in a forge."
I personally find this exceedingly banal, because 'the heat was tremendous', 'unbelievably muggy', 'really annoyed' and 'kind of hard' is just plain sloppy. It demolishes the effect of your first post completely.
Try:
"The heat bore down with pitiless force, and the air was thick and humid. Wervan, toiling at the forge, could not help but find his concentration wavering as the sun rose higher in the sky."
Sorry, but you did make a big point of asking.
"The heat was tremendous, and the air was unbelievably muggy. It really annoyed Wervan, because he was trying to concentrate on his work, which was kind of hard because he worked in a forge."
I personally find this exceedingly banal, because 'the heat was tremendous', 'unbelievably muggy', 'really annoyed' and 'kind of hard' is just plain sloppy. It demolishes the effect of your first post completely.
Try:
"The heat bore down with pitiless force, and the air was thick and humid. Wervan, toiling at the forge, could not help but find his concentration wavering as the sun rose higher in the sky."
Sorry, but you did make a big point of asking.
FearlessLeader2
Fundamentalist Loon
Or even:
****************
Wervan, sweat standing out on half his skin, allowed the hammer to bounce to the right and rest upon the hard packed soil next to the anvil.
'By the Seventh Tier! Will this unholy heat never abate?!' he thought, as he panted slightly. The metal he had been striking, would, in a few weeks, be the breastplate of Sir Hewald's newest suit of armor. Always a portly man, as Hewald's age increased, so too did his girth, and now another new suit was required to adequately protect the Lord of Furnath. Wervan had been working since shortly after sun-up, and it seemed that forge and sun were having a wager as to who'd melt him first. His left side was drenched in sweat, as his own body sheltered him from the forge on that side, but allowed the thick miasma of the early summer sun and wet climate to place their full weight on him. His right, turned to the forge, was bone dry and hot as the Desert of Peshtwun. He briefly pondered the tales he had heard of those crazy camel-riders, wearing thick black robes in the desert heat, and wondered that they could live like that. A hand upon his shoulder jolted Wervan back to the world.
Wervan's master, the owner of the smithy, approached him from behind, his already quiet footsteps further muted by the ringing in Wervan's ears.
"Heat gettin' to ye Wervan? You've the ice of the mountains of your birth in your veins, and this is one of the hottest summers I've seen. Even the old men don't ken a hotter. Mayhap ye'd best take the ev'en shift as Dorac offered."
Wervan flushed, a seemingly impossible task given his already ruddy appearance, and bit off the hot reply that first came to his tongue. Dorac had wanted the day hours for years, but Wervan had been apprentice for two seasons longer, and it was his by right of seniority. Besides, now he too had a wife, the lovely Ashala, and his new son Guthrie, a pale squawling pink thing, that would one day be a giant like his old man. The thought of his family pushed all bitterness aside, and he considered the offer anew. True, he would keep odd hours if he accepted, but this ungodly heat was no friend to him, and he would be able to help his wife with the duties of raising the child. Neither had been sleeping well, but if he were able to stay up nights, not only would she sleep better, and recover more quickly from the birthing, he might also be able to discover who had been pilfering his chickens...
******************
Like it? (Naturally, you'll need to replace the place names and such.)
****************
Wervan, sweat standing out on half his skin, allowed the hammer to bounce to the right and rest upon the hard packed soil next to the anvil.
'By the Seventh Tier! Will this unholy heat never abate?!' he thought, as he panted slightly. The metal he had been striking, would, in a few weeks, be the breastplate of Sir Hewald's newest suit of armor. Always a portly man, as Hewald's age increased, so too did his girth, and now another new suit was required to adequately protect the Lord of Furnath. Wervan had been working since shortly after sun-up, and it seemed that forge and sun were having a wager as to who'd melt him first. His left side was drenched in sweat, as his own body sheltered him from the forge on that side, but allowed the thick miasma of the early summer sun and wet climate to place their full weight on him. His right, turned to the forge, was bone dry and hot as the Desert of Peshtwun. He briefly pondered the tales he had heard of those crazy camel-riders, wearing thick black robes in the desert heat, and wondered that they could live like that. A hand upon his shoulder jolted Wervan back to the world.
Wervan's master, the owner of the smithy, approached him from behind, his already quiet footsteps further muted by the ringing in Wervan's ears.
"Heat gettin' to ye Wervan? You've the ice of the mountains of your birth in your veins, and this is one of the hottest summers I've seen. Even the old men don't ken a hotter. Mayhap ye'd best take the ev'en shift as Dorac offered."
Wervan flushed, a seemingly impossible task given his already ruddy appearance, and bit off the hot reply that first came to his tongue. Dorac had wanted the day hours for years, but Wervan had been apprentice for two seasons longer, and it was his by right of seniority. Besides, now he too had a wife, the lovely Ashala, and his new son Guthrie, a pale squawling pink thing, that would one day be a giant like his old man. The thought of his family pushed all bitterness aside, and he considered the offer anew. True, he would keep odd hours if he accepted, but this ungodly heat was no friend to him, and he would be able to help his wife with the duties of raising the child. Neither had been sleeping well, but if he were able to stay up nights, not only would she sleep better, and recover more quickly from the birthing, he might also be able to discover who had been pilfering his chickens...
******************
Like it? (Naturally, you'll need to replace the place names and such.)
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
Wow, Darkshade you went all out. I like it. I guess I could replace it. Oh, and maybe I could edit the second part with you later. 
Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
No, that was the work of my fellow evil dictator, FL2. If you would like my take on it, I'll sharpen my pencil and get to work, however.
His is a very good version, mine would be a little more old fashioned, like a combination between P.G. Wodehouse, the sagas and Lord Dunsany...
Of course, I could also pull out a sparse Hemingway version. With short words. Very concise. And masculine. Rugged too. Like this.
His is a very good version, mine would be a little more old fashioned, like a combination between P.G. Wodehouse, the sagas and Lord Dunsany...
Of course, I could also pull out a sparse Hemingway version. With short words. Very concise. And masculine. Rugged too. Like this.
kundor
Chairman of the H.I.V.E.
Hemingway version:
It was hot. The thin boy hammered at the forge. Zorlax came. "It is hot," he said. The two stood, watching the dry grasses. "You may go home."
Have you seen the Hemingway answer to why the chicken crossed the road?
To die. In the rain.
FearlessLeader2
Fundamentalist Loon
Well, we do both look alike. Still, I'm the Miskatonic Frat-Boy...Originally posted by Xeven the God
Wow, Darkshade you went all out. I like it. I guess I could replace it. Oh, and maybe I could edit the second part with you later.
I'd be glad to assist. PM me if you want to work out the details.
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
I'm sorry FL2! You and darkshade look so alike with the same avatar and all, and since he posts more, I....um....well 
.
btw, give me a couple o' days FL2....This story is like a scenario: It is a good idea, but it'll take a while to get off the ground.
.btw, give me a couple o' days FL2....This story is like a scenario: It is a good idea, but it'll take a while to get off the ground.
kundor
Chairman of the H.I.V.E.
Your "couple o' days" are well up, Xeven! Get a move on, or I just may call off the H.I.V.E.-Helsibahrian alliance! THEN where would you be?
Xeven the God
Democratic-Marxist
We trash this scrap of paper you call an alliance!
Seriously....shut up [punch]. I'm working on it.....I just haven't wanted to write lately.....Might be writer's block :mutant:.
Seriously....shut up [punch]. I'm working on it.....I just haven't wanted to write lately.....Might be writer's block :mutant:.
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