Favorite TV quotes

[Becka]

We now have a favorite movie quote thread, but I know I watch more TV than movies, so I thought I'd start a favorite TV quote thread.


This first one might look familiar......



"Well, I can't believe I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are not butter, and I believe that they both just might in fact be butter, but in cunning disguises, and in fact there's a lot more butter out there than we believe."

-Alice, from The Vicar of Dibley



"Sorry I'm late. Sheep exploded."

-Owen, The Vicar of Dibley



"I am not a MANIMAL! I am a classically trained actor!"

-some guy in "The Industry"



"Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it. What do I mean now? - the little things... Raisins!"

-Mrs. Doyle, Father Ted



"Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?'"

-Father Ted, Father Ted

 

[Sanaz]

South Park : "TIM-MAY!!!"

 

[Mephisto]

touchdown 49ers.

 

[Sha-Feer]

Oh, no you didnt shoot that green s**t at me!

-Will smith ID4

You better wipe that booger off your shirt befor it freezes and you cut your self on it an bleed to death.

Have you seen a little naked man running around here with a hundred dollar bill?

- Eddie Murphy Golden Child

Not only will I do that for you coach but I, I , I ,I will do that for you.
- Adam Sandler waterboy

Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somone just stepped over your grave.

I'm affaid the strain was more than he could bare.

- Doc Holladay TombStone

 

[Octavian X]

'Mmmmm... doughnuts...'

-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

 

[Simon Darkshade]

"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...
...More drink! " - Father Ted

"Oh she writes such filth, Father. It's always "Feck this" and "Feck that" - and sometimes she even
uses the "F" word! " - Father Ted

"POLICEMAN- It's a straight choice father. Either they pay the 200 pound fine, or it's a night in
the cells
TED- Well, priests don't usually carry that sort of money on them,
and under the circumstances, I think a night cells might be a better option
POLICEMAN- (Nods his head)
DOUGAL- Ted....
TED- Shutup Dougal
DOUGAL- No Ted....
TED- I told you to shutup Dougal
DOUGAL- I was just
going to say that....
TED- Alright! Alright! Here! (pulls out the money)
Here's your blood money.But let me tell you this! There used to be a time when
the police of thiscountry were friends of the church! Drink driving charges
quashed, parkingtickets ripped up, even the blind eye turned to the odd murder!
But now!(Turns to Dougal) And you! (Mocking Dougal) Ted Ted why don't you give
him the 200 pounds you won on the bet! Well i did! Are you happy? Once again,
you've made me look like a complete idiot in front of many people. Thank youso
much.
DOUGAL- Ehh, Right. To be honest Ted, i forgot you had the money. I was
just going to say that your that your fly is open."


"Fr. Stack: You're sittin' there, watching those young boys in shorts. With a big smile on your face. Ye daerty feckers." - Father Ted

"Father Fitzpatrick: And this is the last known photo of Herr Hitler; he's signing a few death warrants there.
Ted: Funny how you get more right-wing as you get older!"

"Ted: So... let me get this straight. You were up on an old man, riding him around and whipping him. For an hour.
Dougal: Yes.
Ted: You realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?"

"Attention please, a child has been lost in the tunnel of goats."

"FECK! DRINK! GIRLS!"

You kids, you just take your legs for granted. Let me just tell you something that's just wishful thinking, there's meningitis, there are car accidents. I could be giving you a spanking and accidentally snap your spinal cord. Every day is a lottery, and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. You think about that." - Lois, 'Malcolm in the Middle'

 

[nixon]

[Hawkeye and B.J. bid farewell to each other]
Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'LL say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we WILL see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B.J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of YOU.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B.J.: ...or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B.J.: I'll miss YOU. A lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here!

 

[Pillager]

Bertie Wooster's use of the phrase 'he can't quite whack up the ginger to tell you'.

Many, many others, from Jeeves & Wooster and Blackadder, particularly.

 

[anarchywrksbest]

"I have a cunning plan..."

"Dude! You kissed a girl! That's soooo gay!"

 

[MrPresident]

From Seinfeld;

JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times. Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, Pauses In mid air mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic luggie.

NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left

JERRY: Again

KRAMER: Back and to the left

JERRY: Back and to the left. Back and to the left

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.

 

[Wolfe Tone]

'To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems' - Homer J. Simpson

 

[sysyphus]

Alright, someone is eventually going to use it so it might as well be me:

"Ward, you were a little too hard on the Beaver last night"

 

[napoleon526]

Originally posted by sysyphus
Alright, someone is eventually going to use it so it might as well be me:

"Ward, you were a little too hard on the Beaver last night"

This was the episode where the Beaver got caught smoking pot and Ward beat him like a red-headed stepchild before locking him in the closet, right? Meanwhile, Wally knocked up some wholesome local girl and pressures her into an abortion. Later he and his greasy friend Eddie Haskell defraud the residents of their town using pyramid schemes. All the while June slips in and out of her alcoholic haze.

 

[Trabpukcip]

Absolute power corrupt absolutly.
-I think it's from captain Kurk, but I'm not sure...

 

[yaroslav]

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." - Homer Simpson

 

[Globber]

Krusty: "Hey kids, who do you love?"
kids: "Krusty!!"
Krusty: "How much do you love me?"
kids: "With all our hearts!"
Krusty: "What would you do if I went off the air?"
kids: "WE'D KILL OURSELVES!"
-- "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons

 

[stormerne]

"A woman rang to say she heard there was a hurricane on the way. Well don’t worry, there isn’t" - Michael Fish, BBC weatherman, 16th October 1987. 24 hours later, 15,000,000 trees had been flattened.

 

[bobgote]

Lionel Hutz: Judge Snyder....he's had it in for me ever since I accidently ran over his dog
Marge: You ran over his dog?!?!
Lionel: well, replace "accidently" with "repeatedly" and "dog" with "son".

 

[Ohkrana]

From Sledge Hammer...

Sledge: 'Trust me I know what I'm doing...'

 

[CurtSibling]

TV is a disgusting mess.

I never watch it.