Funny IM chat

[aimeeandbeatles]

I still remember this, however I cannot find it in the archives...

Me: A sense of humor is good
Her: name one person who doesn't have a sense of humor!
Me: politics people
Her: well...yeah

 

[Abaddon]

< lerxst> on that note
< lerxst> it is official
< lerxst> amanda and i are expecting
< tyger> oh?!
< lerxst> that's what /i/ said
< tyger> holy ****!.....is congrats appropriate in this case?
< lerxst> hell yeah!
< lerxst> my penis works!
< tyger> alright then!
< lerxst> now. down to business.
< lerxst> i need leads on hamster balls that come in progressively escalating sizes.

 

[skadistic]

I just had this one and was going to open a thread. Potty humor rules!

Spoiler :

The Phranc:: i had 20 pulled at once most had to be cut out....i was awake for the whole thing
reddrick69:: ok I felling light headed
Klingbeil:: dude.. there's only like 32 teeth in the human mouth.. WTH kind of beef jerky and mashed potatos were you eating???
The Phranc:: lol
reddrick69:: tungston carbide
The Phranc:: i had issues with bone deteriation from heavy metal poisoning they also had to cut some jaw bone out
Klingbeil:: youch
The Phranc:: i had hair falling out for a bit
Klingbeil:: i've got soft teeth myself. i had a 105 temp when i was a kid and getting my teeth in. they kinda melted a little
The Phranc:: now i'm 30 and gray
Klingbeil:: what kind of heavy metal poisoning?
Klingbeil:: lead?
The Phranc:: heavier
Klingbeil:: eh.. gold?
The Phranc:: oniums
reddrick69:: ????
Klingbeil:: what's that?
The Phranc:: i lived in PA near where they mined nuke fuel...ie plutonium and the such
The Phranc:: dirty water got to me
Klingbeil:: holy crud
The Phranc:: yeah fun times
reddrick69:: man sorry to hear
The Phranc:: no worries
The Phranc:: im still sexxxy
reddrick69:: lol
The Phranc:: and back to healthy
The Phranc:: for now
Klingbeil:: does your pee glow in the dark or anything?
The Phranc:: lol
Klingbeil:: have you developed any super powers?
reddrick69:: take b comp. it will
Klingbeil:: maybe you could like.. bite a spider and give it super powers?
reddrick69:: lol
The Phranc:: when you look this good you don't need super powers
Klingbeil:: LOL
reddrick69:: muchlol
Klingbeil:: so i take it you're super sek-say
The Phranc:: not realy
The Phranc:: i do have a power..........
The Phranc:: i can chew on tinfoil with out the shock
Klingbeil:: hmm.. now if we can figure out a way to channel that super power into fighting crime
The Phranc:: fighting crime? why would i beat my self up
Klingbeil:: personally if i was going to get a super power, it would be the ability to make anyone crap their pants with the will of my mind
reddrick69:: LOL
The Phranc:: lol awesome
reddrick69:: I want it
Klingbeil:: i'd be Irritable Bowel Man!
The Phranc:: id use it on robster
reddrick69:: LOL
Klingbeil:: it's hard to rob a bank and run away when you're dragging a load in your boxers
reddrick69:: roflmao
The Phranc:: youve never seen jackass where dudes running the street and craps him self
Klingbeil:: my sidekick would be Adult Under Garments Lad
reddrick69:: stop
Klingbeil:: nope, never watched any of the jackass stuff
Klingbeil:: can't stand it
reddrick69:: i cant breath
Klingbeil:: LOL
The Phranc:: you should come in earlier when all the jokesters are in here
reddrick69:: oh man
reddrick69:: i cant breath
Klingbeil:: my nemesis would be Imodium AD Man and his Government Cheese henchmen
reddrick69:: u bastrad'
Klingbeil:: hey.. if i can make one person hemorage a day, my job is done
reddrick69:: ryumg
reddrick69:: STOP IT
The Phranc:: it'd be golden if he craped himself laughing
Klingbeil:: LOL
Klingbeil:: didn't know my super powers extended that far
reddrick69:: oppps!!
reddrick69:: brb going to clean
Klingbeil:: LOL
The Phranc:: anal leakage.......olestra must be your home planet
reddrick69:: you are the best super hero ever
Klingbeil:: i've thought long and hard about it.. everyone always says something predictable like flying, invisibility, or whatever
reddrick69:: or worst villian
Klingbeil:: true power comes from making people crap themselves
The Phranc:: poop power!
Klingbeil:: power to the poople!
The Phranc:: lol

 

[Red Door]

<xanikk> why would i even have an affair with a toaster? if i wanted to jack off with an object i wouldnt use a toster!
<azale> true
<azale> i've learned to do this

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

beatle_ann: i put an age restriction to a board on my forum, and i ended up being restricted from it
beatle_ann: it's a code

 

[RubricousMidget]

Look here & here.

 

[Syterion]

I submitted some to Bash and they were rejected despite being clearly funnier than many of the latest ones. One of them for reference:

rtbaby89: Did you know that the Church is angry that 4&#37; of American Catholics aren't using contraceptives?
rtbaby89: 4%! Can you believe that?
rtbaby89: The church wants them to go back to traditional methods.
Prcrstntr8484: What, like pulling out?

Or this one:

Prcrstntr8484: Being gay and applying to college is a double headed sword. At some schools its a valuable minority, while at Jesuit ones its bad.
Prcrstntr8484: Like at Georgetown, you treat it like like a disease. "I recovered from the homosexuality"
Prcrstntr8484: But to Brown, you say it gave meaning to life. "I was going to kill myself, but then I discovered c***"
tjb80382: "I was going to put the gun in my mouth, but then I found something else."

But hey, their loss.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

<DavidGilmour> Some people are like Slinkies... generally useless, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

 

[Rheinmetall]

Look here & here.

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

Maybe I'm just tired (It's 2:30 in the morning) but I'm laughing out loud in the dark room. Yes I must be tired.

 

[Chandrasekhar]

I prefer the Harry Potter one, but then I have a sense of humor like someone half my age.

 

[Chandrasekhar]

Hah, this is a great Bash.org one:

<rushfan> im getting out of shape
<rushfan> I only did 25 pushups and the room is already spinning'
<qupada> drink some booze
<qupada> maybe it will make the room spin the other way and they will cancel out