CivCube
Spicy.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2003
- Messages
- 5,824
It is simple! Once you read this, your life shall be changed forever!
1. It is best to first release your demons of insecurity. One method is to contact your local exorcist if your community has one, or one may concentrate and go through a mental ordeal that would look neato as a feature-length motion picture, but would be scarred for life.
2. Introduce yourself to someone. Be careful, as there are many ways of greeting another and what may be right in one culture may be punishable by death in another.
Wrong Way: I am the bane of your existance. You fool, your soul shall be devoured by the witching hour of the night.
Right Way: Hello, I am not the bane of your existance. By the way, your soul won't be devoured by the witching hour of the night. Great job, buddy!
3. Bring up an interesting topic: "So...how 'bout those Swahili leprachauns?...Betcha didn't know they also lived in Africa."
4. Complement them on something. It can be anything, but their appearance is usually the way to go, as everybody frets over what they appear to be in public. A fine example would be "Your body acne is less throbbish today!" or "You so do not look like Mr. Bean."
5. Centering the talk around them is a big plus as well. People are generally egocentric, so doing this definitely works.
"Man, I love your car. It's so much better than my mint-condition Rolls-Royce."
6. The part where it gets tricky is saving their soul from Satan. I won't elaborate here, just ask your local priest.
7. Bring the conversation back to a normal level.
8. Smile, shrug, and look like you're listening.
"My wife left me not too long ago, and the kids disowned themselves. The dog poisoned itself...I...I wonder whether life's worth living anymore...."
"Interesting! That is very INTERESTING! Truly amazing. Didn't know they got that high."
9. Distract them with something. A demon of insecurity works nicely.
10. Knock them unconscious and steal their wallet.
These steps are miraculous and will, in fact, lift your social skills above that of a mute rock. Hooray.
1. It is best to first release your demons of insecurity. One method is to contact your local exorcist if your community has one, or one may concentrate and go through a mental ordeal that would look neato as a feature-length motion picture, but would be scarred for life.
2. Introduce yourself to someone. Be careful, as there are many ways of greeting another and what may be right in one culture may be punishable by death in another.
Wrong Way: I am the bane of your existance. You fool, your soul shall be devoured by the witching hour of the night.
Right Way: Hello, I am not the bane of your existance. By the way, your soul won't be devoured by the witching hour of the night. Great job, buddy!
3. Bring up an interesting topic: "So...how 'bout those Swahili leprachauns?...Betcha didn't know they also lived in Africa."
4. Complement them on something. It can be anything, but their appearance is usually the way to go, as everybody frets over what they appear to be in public. A fine example would be "Your body acne is less throbbish today!" or "You so do not look like Mr. Bean."
5. Centering the talk around them is a big plus as well. People are generally egocentric, so doing this definitely works.
"Man, I love your car. It's so much better than my mint-condition Rolls-Royce."
6. The part where it gets tricky is saving their soul from Satan. I won't elaborate here, just ask your local priest.
7. Bring the conversation back to a normal level.
8. Smile, shrug, and look like you're listening.
"My wife left me not too long ago, and the kids disowned themselves. The dog poisoned itself...I...I wonder whether life's worth living anymore...."
"Interesting! That is very INTERESTING! Truly amazing. Didn't know they got that high."
9. Distract them with something. A demon of insecurity works nicely.
10. Knock them unconscious and steal their wallet.
These steps are miraculous and will, in fact, lift your social skills above that of a mute rock. Hooray.
