Joke Game

hot7530

Chieftain
Joined
May 31, 2003
Messages
44
In order to play thing game please follow this one simple rule.

*someone must relpy to the posted joke, and if that person wants to, they can post a joke.


I will go first:

Three guys, a French men, German Men, and an American men, were getting waisted in Saudi Arabia. Three men were cought and taken to the Saultin. As you may know, drinking in Saudi Arabi is prohibited and anyone cought will get killed, so the three men were sentenced to death, however, it was a Arabi Holiday so the three men's sentence were reduced to life in jail. On top of that, it was the Saultin's wife's birthday so again, the Saultin reduced the sentece to 20 lashings. the Saultins wife's birthday wish was that the three mens get one wish each so the Saultin granted a wish to the three men. First up was the French men, his wish was that he would get a pillow tied to his back so he did. with the pillow tied to his back the french men got his 20 lashing, but on the 10th lashing, the pillow broke in half. When the lashing was over, the French men was crying. Next up was the German Men, now he seen what had heppened to the French Men and he knew beter so his wish was the he wasnted 2 pillows tied to his back. with the two pillows tied to his back, the Greman Men got his lashing. everything was good until the 15 lashing where the pillow snaped in half, so the German Men was sad. Next up was the American Men. now, the Saultin LOVED the American Men because the Americans had bought everything from him, his fur, food, ect. so he granted the american 2 wishes. So the american relpied with, "Thank you Saultin, I will take the advantage of your 2 wishes. First, I would not like 20 lashings, instead I would like 100 lashings." Now the Saultin was confused but he replied with "Very well, you will get 100 lashings instead of 20, and what would you like for your second wish" and the American replied "I would like the French Men tied to my back!!!!"
 
:lol: Hillarious!
 
lol this is the true american feeling about the french !!!
 
There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!"
"Look Pepe," says the first man. "It's a bacon tree!"
"You're right!" says Pepe, "We're saved!"
Pepe doesn't wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe!! Pepe!! What on earth happened?"
And with his dying breath Pepe calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all..."

"...its a ham bush!"

For all those who have just read this and have wronged me in the past. Revenge is sweet. [Evil laugh]
 
I can just repeat that I love you.

Next one:
Two cows are standing near a railroad embankment in the blistering heat of an August afternoon in southern Sussex. An American Airlines intercontinental flight is passing over them, the plane being almost invisible due to its high altitude. A farmer is mowing the lawn in front of his nearby house while an old lady is making her way to the supermarket in a small village adjacent to a beautiful lake just a few miles down the railroad. On the other side of the embankment a teenage couple is enjoying the tender feelings of a newfound love.
Then, all of a sudden, the bigger cows says:
MOO!
 
That joke was kind of confusing

There are three guys who escaped from jail, an American, Japanese, and a Canadian. All three of them run to a house and knocks on the door. An old lady answer, the three men asked it they can stay and hide in her house and the old lady agrees to let them stay. The old lady shows the men three crates and each one of the prisoner go into one crate. Three minutes later the cops come and said "have you seen these people?" the old lady replies "No I haven’t, but you may check my house" so the cops enter the lady's house. The cops see the crate and they kick the first crate, it is the one with the American inside, the American replies with, ruff, ruff. Then the cops say "wow this old lady is crazy, she had dos in the crates, lets move one" the move to the second crate and kick it, the Japanese reply with, meow, meow. The cops again say “wow, she really is crazy, first dogs, now cats.” They move on to the last crate where the Canadian was in, the cops kicked the crate and the Canadian replied with “POTATOE!!”
 
The Candaian was trying to sound like a potatoe. Stupid.

Actually I've heard that one before but it was a blonde joke.

A tribe of Nomads resided in a wasteland but still managed to survive. They are governed by a chief who is elected due to his amount of manliness, which to them is the length of his beard. The person that was elected's name was benny. He governed quite well and was respected by his fellow tribesman
But one day, the sun grew far to unbearable, and benny couldn't take it any longer. He decided to shave off his beard. Unfortunately however, a belief in the village was that no man could completely shave off his beard or terrible evil would rain upon them. Not being superstitious, benny shaved his beard. Right as the last hair on his face touched the ground, a massive sandstorm erupted from the dust and emerged a giant Galleon. Benny was immediatly vaporized and his remains were scooped in to a jar. When word of this event reached the tribesmen, they believed a sacred word once told to them, "a Benny shaved is a Benny urned".
 
???

But now:
The English man, the french, the german and the polish were lead by devil on a high gulf.
- Jump! - the devil said to English man.
- I won't jump.
- Gentleman would jump.
English jumped. Devil says to French man:
- Jump!
- I won't jump.
- Gentleman would jump.
- I won't jump.
- But it is in the fashion now.
He jumped. Devil says to German man:
- Jump!
- I won't jump.
- Gentleman would jump.
- I won't jump.
- But it is in the fashion now.
- I won't jump.
- It's the command!
He jumped. Devil says to Polish man:
- Jump!
- I won't jump.
- Gentleman would jump.
- I won't jump.
- But it is in the fashion now.
- I won't jump.
- It's the command!
- I won't jump.
- Ok, so don't jump then!
Polish man jumped.
 
That one's funny.

An Iraqi Army division is walking in the desert when they hear a voice with an American accent call over a sand dune saying: "One American soldier is worth 10 Iraqis". To this, the Iraqi commander sends his 10 best men over the dune...A battle occurs and bullets are heard being fired...but no one returns. Moments later, the voice calls out again: "One American soldier is worth 100 Iraqis". The frustrated commander sends his next best 100 men over the dune, where an enormous skirmish ensues. Gunfire...mortar rounds...rockets; all can be heard. However, again no one returns. Moments pass and the voice calls out AGAIN: "One American solcier is worth 1,000 Iraqis". The angry commander gathers his next best 1,000 men and sends them over the dune. An even bigger battle erupts, with grenades and missiles and machine guns going off. When the noise dies down, one wounded Iraqi soldier hobbles back over the dune and when he reaches his commander he says: "No, it's a trick! There's TWO of them!!!"
 
This one's a bit inaccurate, as I'm sure you'll be able to tell near the end.

Three men are sitting on a beach, one's American, one's English, and one's French. The Frenchman says to the others, "Our submarines are so advanced that you can stay under water for 6 months."

The Englishman says, "Oh yeah? Are's are so advanced that you can stay submerged for a full year!"

The American says "We've got both of you beat. American Submarines can stay submerged for 5 years."

Suddenly, a loud splashing sound is heard and they all divert their attention to the water. A sub emerges from the water and the hatch opens a short moment later and a man climbs up and yells, in a thick German accent, "Hey guys, is the war over yet?!"
 
pretty funny

three guys American, German, and French are traveling together, the stumble into a cave where they find a magic lamp. the genie said "now that you have freed me I will give you all 1 wish each, so the american guy gose first. he fins and says "I want to be a bird" and phoof, he becomes a bird. the German guy was next, he started to run, and said "I want to be a plane" and phoof, he was a plane. last was the French guy, now the french guy had thought of something goos, so he started to run, he said "i want to be a..." he then trips over a rock and says "Sh^!) and he become a Sh^! .
 
Funny!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup: Except hot7530 stole my idea. In my version they jump off a cliff and fall on what they want.
 
A Norweigian pilot was about to land his 747 at Arlanda airport in Sweden. But the runway was really short, but he landed, slammed the brakes, put on the reverse thrusters and all that. "what kind of second rate airport is this? Im supposed to land a freakin jumbo jet on such a short runway!?" said the pilot.
"But look how wide it is" said his copilot... :)
 
Funny! :goodjob:

Three Canadians and three Americans were taking the train. When they went up to buy their tickets the Americans paid for three, but the Canadians only paid for one. Wondering how the Canadians were going to get away with it, they followed them on the train. When they got on the Americans took their seats, but the Canadians all crowded into one of the washrooms. When the man came around to take the tickets he noticed the washroom was occupied, so he tapped on the door, and one of the Canadians stuck his hand out with the ticket. The Americans saw this, and decided to try this on the way home. On the return trip it just so happened that the same three Americans and Canadians were taking the same train. The Americans went up and bought one ticket, but the Canadians didn't buy a single ticket. The Americans were wondering how they were going to pull this one off, so they proceeded onto the train. The Americans all got in one of the bathrooms, and then the Canadians got into the bathroom just across the hall. When the Americans had all settled in to the bathroom, one of the Canadians stepped over, tapped on the door, and said "Ticket Please!!!"

@hot7530 and Lord_All_Mighty: I don't normally correct people's errors in these posts (what a job that would be), as most are probably hastily typed or perhaps English is not the first language of the poster. I just wanted to say here that potato does not have an "e" on the end. Unless of course you are coming from the Dan Quail school of spelling, in which case you are probably correct!:D
 
Originally posted by .:KNAS:.
A Norweigian pilot was about to land his 747 at Arlanda airport in Sweden. But the runway was really short, but he landed, slammed the brakes, put on the reverse thrusters and all that. "what kind of second rate airport is this? Im supposed to land a freakin jumbo jet on such a short runway!?" said the pilot.
"But look how wide it is" said his copilot... :)
Ok this rarely happens honest and im not blonde but please......I dont get it :blush:
Is Sweden very short and wide or something? Or is it a rude joke?
 
The plane aproached the runway side on so they landed across the runway instead of along it.
 
Originally posted by .:KNAS:.
A Norweigian pilot was about to land his 747 at Arlanda airport in Sweden. But the runway was really short, but he landed, slammed the brakes, put on the reverse thrusters and all that. "what kind of second rate airport is this? Im supposed to land a freakin jumbo jet on such a short runway!?" said the pilot.
"But look how wide it is" said his copilot... :)
Funny, but I thought Norwiegians are supposed to be smart, not stupid. It'd be better if you said a Polish pilot. :D

@K-Man: :rotfl:
 
A man wishes to become a monk. He goes to the Abbey and talks to the head Priest.
The Abbot tells him, "If you do this, you are to take a vow of silence. But you are allowed 2 words every five years!"
The man agrees and goes about his work in the garden in silence and poverty. 5 years go by.....
He walks into the Abbots office and says, "Food cold!" and walks off. 5 more yeras go by.....
He returns to the office and responds, "Bed hard!". 5 years later......
The man storms into the office and yells, "I QUIT!!".
The Abbot looks up at him from behond the desk and tells him, "I'm not surprized. You've been complaining since you got here!"
 
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