Jokes

[DaEezT]

One of the men that worked at the farm had been thinking about how to get both the farmers wife and one of the housemaids into bed at one time. Then one day he saw his chance, he and the farmer were working on the field when the farmer said, go and get my boots in the house. So the the man went to the house and said to the farmers wife, the farmer told me that i could take you and the maid to bed if i wanted. No... she said that cant be true. Yes it is said the man and shouted to the farmer do you want me to take both? Of course you should take both of them you twit!!!

 

[DaEezT]

This bloke walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds to get increasingly drunk.
Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him. "Oi you!" he shouts ."I've shagged your mum!!"
The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy's drunken rantings.
Half an hour later the drunk stands up and renews his abuse.
"Oi you !" he shouts even louder this time "I shagged your mum up the bum !"
The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking with his friends although by now visibly irate.
Half a hour later the drunk pipes up once again. "Oi you !, your mum sucked my d*ck!!" By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up furiously and retorts, "For f*cks sake Dad go home, you're embarassing me !"

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

'Dad' could've gone on and on....

 

[.:KNAS:.]

There was a guy who bought a camel, thinking it would go fast.
But the problem was that the camel refused to move, no matter what he did, so he decided to take it to the smithy.
He said to the smithy " my camel refuses to move, no matter what".
And the smithy says "back the camel three steps"
And when he did, the smithy took the camels balls and put them on the anvil, or whatever you call it, and whacked it with his hammer. And the camel starts running like hell, so fast that theres a fire trace after him. So the guy says "great, how am i know gonna catch up to him?"
"Easy" the smithy said "take three steps backwards......."

 

[scorch]

ARRRRH!!!!

 

[DaEezT]

ouch!

k, something to get our minds from that pain:

The Creation of pussy:
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to
their design.

First was the butcher, smart with wit, using a knife, he
gave it a slit.

Second was the carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer
he gave it a hole.

Third was the tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet,
he lined it within.

Fourth was the hunter, short and stout, with a piece of
fox fur, he lined it without.

Fifth was the fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish
and gave it a smell.

Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it
and blessed it and said it could pee.

Last came a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked and
fu'cked it and called it a c'unt.

added the two ' to trick the censorship

 

[.:KNAS:.]

go to the flasgame at www.crosswell.com/n
u get to shoot the hell out of bin laden

if it doesnt work, try typing the adress urself in the browser

 

[Dell19]

...I have better ways to waste my time....

 

[DaEezT]

Two redneck hunters went hunting one day. One of the redneck fell off a big rock and does not seem to be moving, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he does not seem to be breathing either. The other redneck hunter paniced and used his cell phone to call 911.
"Hello operator, i think my friend is dead, what do i do?!!"
The operator replied in a calming voice "Don't panic, calm down, i can help you. First we have to make sure your friend is dead..."
-----There is a long silence, then s shot is heard. The guy's voice came back on the line, "Okey, now what?"

 

[.:KNAS:.]

i got a dirty one, but i wont tell it if im not asked to

 

[Dell19]

Go on...Seriously though no one else seems to care about it and I have not seen any jokes being deleted before...DaEezt's post was funny!

 

[Juize]

Two ladies speaking to each other:
- I started my day with a charity.
- Really? What do you mean?
- I gave 10 bucks to a bum.
- A bum?! What did... what it said?
- 'Thanks, darling, I come home by 11 o'clock'

or...

The trainer of Kamikaze -flyers:
- Watch very very carefully - I'm gonna to do this just once!

 

[damunzy]

Originally posted by Dell19
Go on...Seriously though no one else seems to care about it and I have not seen any jokes being deleted before...DaEezt's post was funny!

Becareful though!!! I might have to show my wrath!! Remeber I am the evil mod!!! or something like that.

 

[Glaurung]

oh there have been jokes deleted before.

 

[scorch]

Three vampires go into a pub, the first on orders a pint of blood, so the bartender goes out the back, kills a sheep and gets a pint from it. The second one orders the same, and the bartender also gives him a pint of sheeps blood. The third, a woman, says, 'I'll have a jug of hot water please' and the bartender goes, 'but you're a vampire, dont u want blood' and the chick pulls out a used tampon and says, 'i like tea'.

What happened to the barf icon?


What did the female vampire say?
I can't wait till next month.

 

[.:KNAS:.]

coming to think about it, that joke doesnt make any sense in english, so sorry

-do u know what u call a tall baboon

-no

- a taliban muahahahahaa

that joke is also better in swedish

 

[K11]

-do u know what u call a tall baboon

-no

- a taliban muahahahahaa




Can you please tell this joke in Swedish cause I don't get

 

[Dell19]

Tali probably means tall and a Ban is probably a baboon or something similar.

 

[.:KNAS:.]

vet du vad man får om man korsar en tall med en babian

nä

en taliban

den e ju skit kul! (this was the taliban joke in swedish)

 

[K11]

Aha! nu förstår jag.
DEt var skoj.

-Do you know why there aren't any talibans in Star wars?

-There will be no talibans iin the future