Part III - Fighting Each Other is the best part of Meaning of Life.
Biggs: [now a soldiers-in-arms] O.K. Blackitt, Sturridge and
Walters you take the buggers on the left flank. Hordern,
Spadger and I will go for the gunpost.
Blackitt: [a Deptford Cockney] Hang on, you'll never make it,
sir... Let us come with you...
Biggs: Do as you're told man.
Blackitt: Righto, skipper. [He starts to go, then stops.] Oh, sir,
sir... if we... if we don't meet again... sir, I'd just like
to say it's been a real privilege fighting alongside you,
sir...
[They are continually ducking as bullets fly past them
and shells burst overhead.]
Biggs: Yes, well I think this is hardly the time or place for a
goodbye speech... eh...
[Biggs is clearly anxious to go.]
Blackitt: No, me, and the lads realise that but... well... we may
never meet again, sir, so...
Biggs: All right, Blackitt, thanks a lot.
Blackitt: No just a mo, sir! You see me and the lads had a little
whip-round, sir, and we bought you something, sir... we bought you this, sir...
[He produces a handsome ormolu clock from his pack. Biggs is at a loss for words. He is continually ducking.]
Biggs: Well, I don't know what to say... It's a lovely thought...
thank you... thank you *all*... but I think we'd better... get
to cover now...
[He starts to go.]
Blackitt: Hang on a tick, sir, we got something else for you as
well, sir.
[Two of the others emerge from some bushes with a grandfather clock.]
Sorry it's another clock, sir... only there was a bit of a
mix-up... Walters thought *he* was buying the present, and
Spadger and I had already got the other one.
Biggs: Well it's beautiful... they're both beau -
[A bullet suddenly shatters the face of the grandfather clock.]
... But I think we'd better get to cover now, and I'll thank
you properly later...
[Biggs starts to go again but Blackitt hasn't finished.]
Blackitt: And Corporal Sturridge got this for you as well, sir. He
didn't know about the others, sir - it's Swiss.
[He hands over a wristwatch.]
Biggs: Well now that is thoughtful, Sturridge. Good man.
[A shell bursts right overhead. Biggs flings himself down into the mud.]
Blackitt: And there's a card, sir... from all of us... [He produces
a blood-splattered envelope.]... Sorry about the blood, sir.
Biggs: Thank you all.
[He pockets it and tries to go on.]
Blackitt: Squad, three cheers for Captain Biggs. Hip Hip -
All: Hooray!
Blackitt: Hip Hip -
All: Hoor...
[An almighty burst of machine-gun fire silences most of them... Blackitt is hit.]
Biggs: Blackitt! Blackitt!
Blackitt: [hurt] Ah! I'll be all right, sir... Oh there's just one
other thing, sir. Spadge, give him the cheque...
Spadger: Oh yeah...
Biggs: Oh now this is really going to far...
Spadger: I don't seem to be able to find it, sir... [Explosion.]
Er, it'll be in Number Four trench... I'll go and get it. [He
starts to crawl off.]
Biggs: [losing his cool] Oh! For Christ's sake forget it, man.
[The others all look at Biggs after this outburst, as if
they can't believe this ingratitude.]
Blackitt: Oh! Ah!
Spadger: You shouldn't have said that, sir. You've hurt his
feelings now...
Blackitt: Don't mind me, Spadge... Toffs is all the same... One
minute it's all 'please' and 'thank you', the next they'll
kick you in the teeth...
Walters: Let's not give him the cake...
Biggs: I don't want *any* cake...
Spadger: Look, Blackitt cooked it specially for you, you bastard.
[They all look at Blackitt rolling in the mud.]
Sturridge: Yeah, he saved his rations for six weeks.
Biggs: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be ungrateful...
Blackitt: I'll be all right.
[Shell crashes. Blackitt dies.]
Spadger: Blackie! Blackie! [He turns to Biggs with tears in his
eyes.] Look at him... [He pulls up the supine form of
Blackitt.] He worked on that cake like no-one else I've ever known. [He props him in the mud again.] Some nights it was so cold we could hardly move, but Blackie'd de out there - slicing lemons, mixing the sugar and the almonds... I mean you
try getting butter melted at fifteen below zero! There's love
in that cake... [He picks up Blackitt again.] This man's love
and this man's care and this man's - Aarggh!
[He gets shot.]
[Biggs runs over to them in horror.]
Biggs: Oh my Christ!
Sturridge: You bastard.
Biggs: All right! All right! We will eat the cake. They're right...
it's too good a cake not to eat. get the plates and knives,
Walters...
Walters: Yes, sir... how many plates?
Biggs: Six.
[A shot rings out. Walters drops dead.]
Biggs: Er... no... better make it five.
Sturridge: Tablecloth, sir...?
Biggs: Yes, get the tablecloth...!
[Explosion. Sturridge gets shot.]
Biggs: No no no, I'll get the tablecloth and you'd better get the
gate-leg table, Hordern.
[Hordern is shot in the leg.]
Hordern: I'll bring two sir, in case one gets scrumpled...
Brilliant
