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My Last Civ 4 Game: Mr. Nice Guy

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Stories & Tales' started by robvollman, Sep 27, 2010.

  1. Jarlaxe Baenre

    Jarlaxe Baenre Emperor

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Calgary, Alberta, Canada
    Yay! Another update! And actually, the last guy would feel ashamed and take his eye out to complete the eye for an eye. And, out of curiosity, were you armed with a purple paintbrush last monday?
     
  2. robvollman

    robvollman Warlord

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2010
    Messages:
    113
    Location:
    Calgary, Canada
    Hey guys, thanks for sticking with me! Insert a witty introduction here!

    I took advantage of a sugar rush from leftover Hallowe'en candy to play out the 19th century. I won't leave you in suspense, here's a screenshot of our Nice Guy Empire as we entered the millenium's final century. As you can see I'm not last - and you'll be surprised by who is!

    Spoiler :


    That's right, our budy Mehmed II is dead last. Maybe Mehmed III will have better luck. After all, wasn't Rocky III better than Rocky II? Probably because it had Mr. T. I'm getting a little off-topic - I'm surprised they're last with all the Wonders he's built.



    The Apollo Program in 1890?

    "Zoiks!"
    - Shaggy


    Here's the Power Graph where you'll find me in more familiar territory. Don't buy me any green banana.s

    Spoiler :


    On the flip side, the Culture War was obviously a great idea. Hey, even a blind squirrel can occasionally find an acorn:



    I researched a lot of technology this century, in an attempt to catch up to the pack. Unfortunately two of my technologies were stolen before I even completed it.

    Spoiler :


    "Gee, Mehmed's got a Great Spy - I wonder what he'll do with it? Start a Golden Age or ... oh ..."
    - Me.

    I guess they felt they had a Divine Right to my technology.


    Here's a tip to my scientists - the Ottoman guy looking over your shoulder saying "are you done yet?" every five minutes is a spy.

    And yes, you probably notice that Bursa joined our great empire in 1820 to be exact, 15 years after we gave them food and money.

    Spoiler :


    I renamed it Patience, as requested by one of my loyal readers. I can't believe a strategy of mine actually worked - sorry guys, I won't let it happen again. It was an accident, trust me!

    Spoiler :

    Look at all those spying buildings!


    Anyway, the people of Bursa/Patience were so happy to join my empire that they promptly burned down the first thing I built.

    Spoiler :


    Why would I spend money to investigate the cause, it says so right there - a cigarette!


    Inspired by the great spy buildings in Patience, and discouraged by the rampant theft, I went on a spree to build jails and security bureaus. That wasn't one of my smartest ideas, it didn't help much, I'm still in dead last. My scientists can't even leave their lunch in the fridge.

    Spoiler :


    On a lighter note, I noticed the Americans appear to be as popular in this game as they are in the real world. Since they asked in the form of a demand, I could refuse.
    Spoiler :


    If I didn't trade with the Americans, where would I get my Coke, Big Macs and blue jeans?

    P.S. Hey Mehmed, I know peace-loving games are boring, but can you at least WAKE UP!



    My extra technologies gave me quite a bit of contact with my neighbours, in fact. The Khmer have figured it out - they just asked nicely.

    Spoiler :


    The last time someone smiled at me like that I lost consciousness and woke up hours later sore in all the wrong places.


    Everyone else just asks for a favourable trade AND for me to pick up the lunch tab. I guess that's better than just giving it away.

    Spoiler :



    Hey buddy, can you trade me a superior technology? Thanks!

    Oh here comes the bill, geez ... you know I'm a little light, can you catch this? And can you spot me 20? I'll catch you next time!


    More good news, in 1870, Hinduism finally caught on in Kindness. Despite the complete lack of any alternatives, it took thousands of years for them to give it a try. Again this reminds me of my experiences with the ladies.

    Spoiler :


    If that's not enough of a shocker, did you know that random events can be good?!?!?

    Spoiler :


    Free tea and I didn't even have to get the Chinese hooked on opium - bonus!


    Once again my ex-girlfriends were consulted on the list of greatest civilizations.

    Spoiler :


    That's about it for this week. Keep the comments coming, and I'll keep playing.

    Oh and before I go ... is it a good thing when your neighbour puts a zillion infantry on your border?

    Spoiler :
     
  3. TMaxwell86

    TMaxwell86 Chieftain

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    Sackville, NB, Canada
    Naaaa. Those aren't soldiers, per se... They are retired reservists who have joined the Corps of Commisionaires. They are only there to protect the ditch diggers from rabid raccoons. Once the railroad is built, they'll just move back inside and wait for another guard mission.
     
  4. robvollman

    robvollman Warlord

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    Calgary, Canada
    Oh, and just in case nobody noticed - not a drop of coal or oil anywhere.

    What a horrible position!
     
  5. nishant1911

    nishant1911 *hugs*

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2009
    Messages:
    453
    @op
    i love you
    *hugs**giggles*
     
  6. Chronicles

    Chronicles Chieftain

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2009
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    41
    This is a great story! Just discovered it. Keep it up, I love it.
     
  7. Ronojoy1917

    Ronojoy1917 Warlord

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    Location:
    The Far East!!
    Amusing story, nice writing style.
     
  8. whataboutit

    whataboutit Chieftain

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    feeding an Aztec vassal
    Seconded, waiting for more.
     
  9. Fellow

    Fellow Chieftain

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    third ;)
     
  10. robvollman

    robvollman Warlord

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Calgary, Canada
    Greetings!

    First of all, thank you for all the kind words. I printed them up and showed them to my mom because she was getting worried about my lack of friends.

    For those of you who haven't been following along with the story, we're playing my last game of Civilization IV before I finally shell out the money for Civ 5. I've already been to the store - I offered them Refrigeration and a World Map, but they pretty much insisted on cash.

    For my last game, I've decided to be a Nice Guy. Every Civ game I've ever played, I won by Conquest. Even when I set out for a different victory type, I'd eventually get bored and wind up with Conquest. I used every nefarious trick in the book to conquer my opponents, and I would even rename their cities to something insulting (e.g. "Isabella is a fella").

    Well not this time - that's not the way I'm going to go out. This time I'm playing as Mr. Nice Guy. I'm going to accept every offer or request for aid, disallow Slavery, and never attack anyone (unless asked by the non-aggressor).

    Remember the movie Slap Shot, where Paul Newman gives that speech about wanting to play his last game playing clean hockey? Well that's what I'm doing.

    (... of course, when Newman hears that there are scouts, he switches back to goon hockey, and eventually wins by forfeit when the opposing Captain punches the ref for failing to act when one of Newman's players strips naked ... ahhh great movie!)

    When we left our heroes, it was 1900, and they had finally crawled out of last place. They were nevertheless far behind in technology, had no coal or oil anywhere in their empire, and had a small army that learned the hard way that shields don't block bullets.

    On with the story ...

    1904: Mehmed II completes Rock n' Roll, and a generation of men grow their hair long and become distinguishable from the women only by odour.

    Meanwhile, we discover Uranium right next to our capital. That probably explains why our scientists are a little slow.
    Spoiler :

    It also explains why my dog glows.


    You'll also see some rail lines because I finally yielded to Khmer demands and gave three resources for coal. Darn it.

    1906: Roosevelt builds Cristo Redentor. Unfortunately they didn't build a ramp so he can't even go up to see it.

    Also, Gilgamesh declares war on Mansa Musa, starting a war between the two leaders. Gee, I wonder how long it'll be before I'm dragged into this?

    Spoiler :

    You can also see my second source of uranium, right next to Patience. It's better to have uranium in your desert than your dessert.


    1908: That didn't take long. It's not until right now that I first realized that Gilgamesh was the aggressor and I should have refused. Whoops. Sorry Mansa!

    Spoiler :

    Notice that I crawled my way into 4th!


    1912: Roosevelt completed the Eiffel Tower. Once again - no ramp! Sorry buddy.

    In other news, lots of Great People for everyone but me.

    Spoiler :


    1914: Mansa Musa completes the Apollo Program. Great, this guy can go into space and I just figured out electricity. To win the space race, I was building a giant slingshot.

    Spoiler :

    Notice how I crawled into 3rd now, ahead of the guy who just built two Wonders!


    Let's see how the war is going. In an act of suicidal courage, I sailed my fleet over the Mali territory (2 Galleons, 2 Frigates, but my 1 Ironclad can't cross the ocean). I sailed to Djenne and bombarded it. Thankfully I see Gilgamesh has a bunch of Destroyers so hopefully I don't need to worry about counter-attacks.

    Check out the defense of Djenne. I don't even have the technology for Infantry yet. I still have Longbowmen in most of my cities. I guess I won't be invading.

    Spoiler :

    How the heck can this city be size 13?


    Unfortunately the Malinese navy was still very much alive and kicking, slipped by the Sumerians and went after mine.

    Fortunately their technology is similar to mine. I killed a Frigate, and then they killed a Galleon. Then I went home. That's pretty much the only hostilities between us.

    Glad I could help.

    Spoiler :

    After this battle I said "Frigate, I'm going home."


    1918: Amazing news from the homefront. A spy was actually caught!

    Spoiler :

    The tip off is that he wore a pointy black hat and walked on his tippy-toes.


    1924: My goal for the day was complete - I got the technology require to use up my saved Great Merchant and build Cereal Mills.

    Spoiler :

    Uranium Flakes for everyone!


    That's where we are right now - 3rd place, with our pitiful military at war with Mali. But it's all ok because now we have Cereal!

    Here are the power graphs.
    Spoiler :


    Nice Guys don't finish last. They finished 3rd!

    My pitiful military - too bad I'm not at war with a paper bag.


    Now that I've seen that "98 Turns Left" it's really hitting me. It's not just 98 turns left in this game, but 98 turns left of Civ IV ever. I have to admit that I shed a tear (ok mostly because my cat was sitting on my lap when the phone rang, but I digress).

    I don't want to go out with a loss. I'm running out of time - I need help. How can I win this game while following my rules?

    Domination/Conquest is out, thanks to both my rules and my pathetic military.
    Space Race is also out, since I'm so far behind and can't out-produce my opponents that quickly.
    I guess we have to go for United Nations, eh? Either that or inch up my score into first and prevent anyone else from winning before time expires.

    It's either that or strip naked and hope my opponents forfeit.

    Any suggestions?
     
  11. Chronicles

    Chronicles Chieftain

    Joined:
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    I would go with the last option because I have no clue how to win this. But it's sure a fun read.
     
  12. Lead Paint

    Lead Paint Delicious but Deadly

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    Surrey, UK
    What's more important to you, playing by your rules, or winning or your last ever game of Civ IV?

    You could rename your cities to Anger, Hatred, Polio, etc and go on a little conquering spree. The nice guy's been pushed around for long enough! If nothing else you could wipe the smile off Mehmed's smug, huggable face. Go on, we wouldn't judge you ;)
     
  13. whataboutit

    whataboutit Chieftain

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    Great post again!:thumbsup:

    I would go for winning by score. If you could pull in front of mehmed before, I think milking those cows could work. Corporations can be a key for this it seems. Cereal gives y'all all what ya need~
    Though for the "preventing them from gaining first place"-part.. not much to do besides diplomacy I guess?
     
  14. TMaxwell86

    TMaxwell86 Chieftain

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    You could always build your... ahem... military up along your border with Mehmed, then really tick him off. Make outragious requests for gifts, anything to tick him off - break any agreements, unless that goes against your ethics... maybe he will declare war against you first, hmmmm
     
  15. whataboutit

    whataboutit Chieftain

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    Provoking a war don't fit with the spirit of the nice. :jesus:
     
  16. robvollman

    robvollman Warlord

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    Well it's kind of pointless to win the game unless I stick to my rules. So in the immortal words of a boss I once had when presented with two mutually exclusive options and asked to choose: "Yes."

    Wow, a polio joke? That's quite insensitive. I don't see the humour in making fun of the disabled. I would never do that ...

    Even though I don't understand half of what he says, Whataboutit is right, those aren't exactly nice things. That wouldn't make me Mr. Nice Guy, that would make me one of those schmucks in the office who are nice to your face and then ruins your career behind your back. But that's ok, usually I sneak into their office and fart on their telephone. But I digress ...

    Thanks again for all the kind words, even if some of you, like Chronicles, are perverts who want me to strip naked.
     
  17. whataboutit

    whataboutit Chieftain

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    By that cowie thing, I was referring to letting your cities prosper, making them huge, happy, producing wonders and trading in resources to exploit Cereal mills' potential (it is the one corp that gives you extra food besides sushi, IIRC). But now I've just grown unsure if citizens/population are counted to the score at all. :crazyeye:

    UPDATE IT ALREADY!
    j/k
     
  18. AFS

    AFS Warlord

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    Expand your corporation and archieve a Cereal Victory!

    Uranium Flakes FTW! :nuke: :goodjob:
     
  19. Fellow

    Fellow Chieftain

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    still anxious for more ;)
     
  20. robvollman

    robvollman Warlord

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    Calgary, Canada
    Stay tuned!
     

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