PR01 An OCC Diplomatic Excursion

[Rex Tyrannus]

An OCC Diplomatic Excursion
By Rex and Pholk
or by Pholk and Rex (if he gets his panties all in a bunch)

The setup: This is a closed-roster SG. Pholk and I have been in a few SGs together and we realized we have something in common. Each of us would rather have a fun SG, full of wise-cracks, cheap shots, and general buffoonery rather than a technically perfect, chop-every-tree in sight, 1300AD conquest for 8 bazillion points.

So this game won't feature any of those "good players" with well-conceived dot maps and tech trees that go from sailing to assembly line. It will, however, feature plenty of first-class knuckleheadedness at its finest.

Lurkers are more than welcome to chime in as often as they'd like. Just remember: you can catch more flies with a crack at my bone-headed move that lost us four-and-a-third axemen than you can with strategy sessions. This one's clearly for the goofball in all of us.

The settings: Prince difficulty, raging barbs, standard sized Pangaea map. Standard number of opponents, random climate, random sea level. New random seed on reload.

Fearless leader: Saladin (renamed to Dearest Sally) of Arabia (renamed to Empire of the Knuckleheads). Philosophical + Spiritual = +100% great people generation with shift-on-the-fly civics.

Variant: This is a one-city challenge, and we're only allowing ourselves a diplomatic victory (though all are enabled for the AI).

Initial Strategy: (maybe) The first thought is: how the hell are we going to get enough people to like us in an OCC? Religion, my dear Watson. We're going to homogenize the world. Imagine: Buddhists as far as the eye can see. For every airport we shall have a veritable army of robed monks passing out flowers.

But to do that, we must contain the other religions. We'll try to grab as many as we can for ourselves and figure out some sort of containment strategy for all the star systems that slip through our fingers…

SG Etiquette: Own up to your own weed decisions. Can't be afraid to mock yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself look better than the other guy.

Let's see how it plays out, shall we?

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

I start out, playing as many damn turns as I'd like...

Turn 1 4000 BC I settle in place

Turn 3 3920 BC After sending our warrior due south, Mansa says hello. (Or something to that effect.)

What's this? Timbuktu is unguarded?

Devil: I've always wanted to do this.
Angel: Pholk might get mad at me though.
Devil: What's the worst that can happen?
Angel: You lose in 3800 BC. Worst…Dan Quayle…Ever.
Devil: Nah, there's always a re-start. No one'll ever know.​

Why are devils always so much more fun than angels?

Turn 4 3880 BC WAR! I declare and move one tile north of Mansa's only hovel.

IBT Shoot! Crud! Frick! Dam! A warrior appears in Timbuktu. Bastard must not have been exploring. Oh well, game over right?

[Note: screenshot lost, I'm having a lot of problems with that since the patch]

Turn 5 3840 BC My warrior has 24% odds on taking the city. This games a big fat restart. Might as well see how the combat goes, right?

Uhh…I didn't do it…

So that just about set the tone. Come hell or high water, I was playing this one out. We may lose spectacularly, but I'll always be able to say "I f-ed over Mansa in 3840 BC!"

Turn 9 3680 BC Some scary-ass looking dude shows up and wants me to slaughter 50,000 slaves. I'm a pop 1 OCC, buddy. Where the hell am I gonna get 50,000 slaves from?

Turn 10 3640 BC Religion 1 of 7

Turn 11 3600 BC Mommy, look what followed me home! Can I keep him?

Turn 12 3560 BC Shoot, fudge, crap, poo, dammit!

Looks like we've got some damage control to put in place. I

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Part II

Somewhere between turn 11 and 22 My autologger broke, so my notes are sketchy.
Our warrior popped 4 huts all for gold. I bee-lined for Monotheism, so we picked up Masonry and Poly, then I started the race to Judaism. Our warrior beat a lion and a wolf but, after grabbing a hut on a hill, got eaten by a bear.

Turn 22 3160 BC We meet a guy with a really big wart on his chin

Turn 23 3120 BC Heeeeer's baldy!

Turn 35 2640 BC I had put some hammers into Stonehenge to wait for Mecca to grow before building a worker. But check out the screen shot after it grew…

It wouldn't let me change production. Also, check out the buttons for the governor and rushing. Where'd they go? I think I need to reinstall.

Turn 43 2320 BC Masal Tov! We're Jewish!

Summary: I played 43 turns because I wanted to make sure we did, at least, get two of the first three religions. Otherwise I might have restarted despite that business with Mali. Play as many as you'd like, Pholk.

 

[pholkhero]

For every airport we shall have a veritable army of robed monks passing out flowers.

Hare Krishna...Krishna Krishna...Jews for Jesus . . .

airplane anyone?? no ahh well ~

it's also my secret goal to collect just about as many Great Prophets as possible AND if we can, aim for as many GP wonders as possible, though this has yet to be confirmed by Rex...but what he doesn't know won't hurt him

Good set of turns and nice going on the two religions. I'll see if I can switch production ~ is that part of OCC in 1.61 now?? hmm...

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

airplane anyone?? no ahh well ~

I picked the wrong day to quit drinking.

 

[pholkhero]

It's a big white building with doctors, but that's not important right now. . .

I focused on worker techs during these turns...coincidentally stopping @ T70 when my gumption was stolen right out from under me. Quite a bit of enter hitting...
Our empire at 2320 BCE:

You down w/OCC? Yeah, you know me!

Hmm..i change back to stonehenge from worker b/c he'll have nothing to do w/o agr so he waits. I also change the name of our warrior: Knucklehead Smith the Warrior is born. I also revolt to Org. Rel. Once we get close to finishing Agr., I switch back to Worker and get him down to the rice just Agr comes in. Went to Hunting next for the Elephant ~ only 4 turns...I also started on a Buddhist Missionary for as soon as someone wants OB (since another religion dropped, Rex, i figured we should abandon the plan of keeping our borders closed.)

I'm Jake. This is my brother Elwood.

"The BARB BROTHERS?!?!? Those two turkeys still owe you money, fool!"

T52-1920BCE Mecca grows: 4

I promote Knux Smif to Com I in anticipation for the Barb Brothers Rush ~

The Fabulous Barb Brothers Rhythm and Blues Band!!

Promote KS to Shock.

Also, Hunting comes in and I go toward Animal Husb.

I switch prod to Warrior at this point (in retrospect, warrior>Stone prob would've netted me the wonder )

1680BCE: lots of barbs coming in from the south...oh yeah...raging barbs...okay...also, Mecca: pop5

Our Meccan Police Force defeats another barb inCURsion and i finish the warrior. He heads south into the forests to head off barbs since they keep pillaging my farm. Promoted to wood I, and ATTACKED by two barbs (Barb Bros. 2000??)

[aside] I must say, I like the change to a question mark at the bottom. Some may think it's a silly and unimportant change, for me, it made watching the Zoom-In battles all the more thrilling again[/aside]

So, the first one attacks and reduces our Warrior group to 1 lonely man ~ and the other barb attacks

 

[pholkhero]

In the words of Nelson: Ha ha.

Promoted to Wood II and I finished a Buddhist Missionary. I also pick Mining next as a tech, but then change to ARchery a turn or two later. I think archery is better here, rather than going gor BW just now...we need the defense i think. I also renamed our Wood II Warrior to Ken ~ cause he beats up on the Barbies! too far?!? if you can't laugh at domestic violence, what CAN you laugh at?!? am i right, fellas?? am I right?
I also started Stonehenge, 3 turns too late.

Speaking of women-haters:
1400BCE:

I said, there'll be peace in our time!! Now go away you silly person, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Archery comes in, and Mining is rebegun. Mecca grows to 6. Ken defeats another barbie. Then, 1200 BCE, disaster. Stonehenge BIDL; I had 3 turns left ~ 3 left on Mining; this near-miss has drained my gumption...sadly, the people tear down the massive stone blocks and use it as a primitive trailer park. The cops come to investigate Proto-Britney Spears w/in days. An Archer is started, and the Monk is ready to find some Chinese converts...if we only knew where he was we could take advantage of the OB!
(oh yeah, we have OB with Baldy)

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Mr. "it's also my secret goal to collect just about as many Great Prophets as possible AND if we can, aim for as many GP wonders as possible" screwed his personal goal up already?

Damn, we needed those GP points. THe only way we're going to keep up in tech is to have shrine bucks stat.

Hmm..i change back to stonehenge from worker b/c he'll have nothing to do

He can build roads. We need to get trade routes hooked up. Though, I guess, if you hadn't done that, you'd have been about 12 turns late on Stonehenge and I'd have less to gripe about.

3 Turns?

 

[pholkhero]

Though, I guess, if you hadn't done that, you'd have been about 12 turns late on Stonehenge and I'd have less to gripe about.

If it was that many, you'd gripe about why i even attempted it. I'm damned if i do, i'm damned if i don't

Roads ~ hmmm...i think, barring my on the missionary, it was a better decision to postpone the worker, but that's neither here...nor is it over there...that's the way the cookie crumbles, so it's no use cyring over spillt milk. Mind your p's and q's (why are they such unruly letters??).

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

(why are they such unruly letters??)

Because the T is cross with them.

 

[n0xie]

/me throws obligatory rotten fruit at rex

good read guys, keep on trucking

/me lurks in the shadows ready to take over as mansu musa!

 

[pholkhero]

Because the T is cross with them.

NC for "got it" ??

@ Noxie: welcome ~

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

NC for "got it" ??

Nah, had to play concurrent SG turns. Unlike someone I know, I actually had the discipline to stop when scheduled, even though circumnavigation was one turn away.

Of course, I was too lazy to take any screens and autolog broke. Anyhow, I'll play tomorrow. (maybe)

 

[pholkhero]

Unlike someone I know, I actually had the discipline to stop when scheduled, even though circumnavigation was one turn away.

well, when it's going one turn over to grab the navi bonus, i think that's acceptable . . . . I needed to have one good thing happen during my turns . . . if you haven't played by around 2 or so today, i'm picking up where i left off

 

[frankcor]

Pholk's out of control. I love it!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Take it. Just remember, we need to get trade routes up to start spreading the holy message. ALso, as much as we need some (okay, a lot of) worker techs. Losing CoL means yet another damage control situation. So let's set some reasonable priorities.

No worker techs that aren't immediately useful.

We need as many people of the same religion as possible.

 

[pholkhero]

Take it. Just remember, we need to get trade routes up to start spreading the holy message. ALso, as much as we need some (okay, a lot of) worker techs. Losing CoL means yet another damage control situation. So let's set some reasonable priorities.

No worker techs that aren't immediately useful.

We need as many people of the same religion as possible.

I was plainning on Writing after BW so perhaps then a beeline to CoL is in order once BW comes due.

Also, we need to figure out something re: the spread of our multiple religions ~ would it be disasterous for us to have multiples spread out or could we use the division to set ourselves up w/the strongest bloc?? intersting...

Do we want to aim for a GPF here w/our philo trait??

Are we sure we don't want to aim for a all 6 remaining religions?? We could trade for other techs once Alph gets in.

re: my taking the save ~ i'm @ work until *hopefully* 1 or so, but i may have to say until 3:30 or so, so we'll see

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Okay, screw you. This is my got-it. Go Pholk yourself!

 

[pholkhero]

Pholking away!

:suicide:

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

My turns (they think he's a righteous dude)
Part I:

People of Knuckleheadia, I bring joyful news: Pholkhero I, Head Imbicile In Charge, has died choking on a sausage while laughing at his own, incoherrent quasi-joke. The Queen is dead. Long live the King.

1200 BC Turn 1
Amazingly, Pholk hasn't screwed us up too well. Mecca is pop 6, building an archer. We have no GP builds available to us, so I don't have to hit him over the head with a board. Also, amazingly, no MM is needed. Guess it's kind of hard to screw up one city, huh?

Let's look around. Here's us, seen from space. Nice job getting satellites, Pholk.

Here's a zoom-in on Mecca. No big deal here.

Oh, and since this is an SG...

I take the time to give our "hero" a proper name. Anyone got a stained tee-shirt skin for a warrior?

I also moved Wife Beater east to another hill to get a look at our eastern front.

Why the hell is Stonehenge still in our queue?

Did we not get the money yet? Better leave it there so we don't lose it.

Press enter.

1160 BC Turn 1

Sid recommends we build a Monastery to increase science. Not a bad idea, but I still tell him to bugger off.

Stonehenge failure nets us 93 Gold. Not bad.

Mao converts to Hinduism! Bad form! We need to get a missionary in there ASAP, Pholk. That reminds me to look at the religion screen.

Pholk...why are we running Organized Religion with no state religion? Okay, quick idiot check. OR lets us build missionaries and, since we're building an archer, we're not yet losing the 25% hammer gain. Also, switching religion would also kill the +5 culture of the Jewish holy city. Pholk (reluctantly) redeemed.

We can't open borders with anybody but Mao. (Tells me Mao's the only one with writing.) Funny, I thought the go-to used to "red-out" when you tried to send a dude we he ain't ought to be...

1120 BC Turn 2

Sending Wife Beater out to explore east some more.

1080 BC Turn 3

Mining is in. A bee-line to Code of Laws (for Confuscius (sp?)) would be Priesthood (5 turns), Writing (11), CoL (42). I like the first two (yes, Pholk, we want Writing quickly as well). So...Mining => Priesthood. Due in 5.

Mecca finishes an archer, begins a Budhist Monastery. Thanks, Sid. I fortify the archer and send our now-reserve warrior (Knux Smif) NE with the missionary. I see a Chinese warrior NE so maybe that way be Mao? </wishful_thinking>

1000 BC Turn 5

Wife Beater finishes scouting the eastern pennisula (nobody there) and heads back, only to find this...