SGOTM8 - Cutlery

[Tubby Rower]

but what about the (mis)adventures of Sgt Kill Maim?
what about the glorious and fully wooden spoonish siege of beijing?

Can you write a synopsis of them? Multiple people can post in the spoiler thread.

 

[soul_warrior]

Can you write a synopsis of them? Multiple people can post in the spoiler thread.

will do, ill have some quiet at work, so ill be able to do something productive for a change.

 

[jb1964]

will do, ill have some quiet at work, so ill be able to do something productive for a change.

A man after my own heart!

I knew I was REAL short on details because that's the hard part. Sarcasm comes easy. I'll beef up the draft and put it up this evening. Or, by this afternoon if work is not holding my interest.

 

[Beorn-eL-Feared]

The black hole jungle was my favorite part

About Killmaim, I wonder how his shell shock thing is going after razing the useful chinese cities off our continent. Perhaps he should be re-affected to a team of workers sometime to give him good conscience. Or perhaps just after the Greeks are out. I'll leave you that joyful decision SW

 

[jb1964]

I'm restructuring the write-up. I'm going to go into more detail on the three attacks on Beijing and the overall war w/ China. And I'll probably add a note on the impending eviction of Alex.

I'll also make a comment on the blessing being industrious has had on being able to cut jungle.

@SW and/or BeF, I'm going to mention Killmaim but that his exploits will be chronicalled in a separate posting.

 

[soul_warrior]

Spoiler :

These are the adventures of a lowly soldier, risen to command the entire American Army.
He is called, or rather, was once called Reginald Belvedeer Sr, him having a baby boy called Rufus Longshanks.
Well, this young officer was a hunter at fisrt, seeking only the blood of innocent animal, preferably deer. (footnote – he is probably the origin of the famous song-story “who shot bambi” ) .
When the leaders of our glorious nation discovered we were not alone, a rapid attack force was commissioned, and volunteers were rounded up from the taverns and hoor houses of Woodenspoonington and especially Party Hardy Ville (which was the national resort of the age… Ohh, a regular Haven in Heaven for all sorts of weird folk, Jive Talkers and crazy bears. Even a few Idiots were known to frequent the town – but I digress)
So it was the Reginald was joined into the first hunter squad, and given the job of quartermaster.
Their first task was getting rid of all the hippies in the hills.
Well, them hippies were carrying semiautomatic clubs, that just went to the head. That first encounter was touch and go, Reginald being a hunter, renowned for his stealth, mostly between the tips of his arrows and the heart of the hippies.
Second on the todo list was a great journey to the wild north, where strange people with slanted eyes and weird mating habits live. Some call them geeks and some are just plain commies. [ what are commies?].
A great warrior was tempted by the Guru of the forest to join the hippy tribes, have wild orgies all night and grow some puff during the day.
Somehow it was deemed UnSocial by the rulers of our nation, as they thought – “why give up the good in Party Hardy, for a life in the woods”
Reginald, now a veteran of THE HIPPY WARS was given a small detachment and sent deep into the wild to save the yokel.
Here are some extracts from the scroll written down by the army chroniclers.

"Alpha units 2 and 5, report"
"Alpha 2 reporting, nothing in sight."
"Alpha 5 reporting, nothing unusual popped behind Alpha 2"
"Alpha this is the Pentagon, proceed deeper through the alps. We need to find this bloody Guru and care for him with extreme prejudice."
"Roger that."

"Bravo 1, this is the pentagon. No hostiles in range, you're clear to take positions at the yellow dot. I repeat, clear to engage and fortify the yellow dot."
"Pentagon, this is the white house. My secretary has developped means of communications for his mute son. I believe we could thus send precise, unaltered messages to the 'other' chiefs that way."
"White House we read you, but happy gases cost us our savings in WST; rest of the money is put on finding actual REASONS to arrest, maim and shoot bad-asses: none to spare in diplomatic endeavours."
"But..."
"Pentagon out."

"Pentagon this is Alpha 2, going to Defcon 2, I repeat, Defcon 2. Kushans walking onto our position, must engage shortly. Alpha 2 out."

"Pentagon this is Alpha 2, going to Defcon 1, engaging the enemy"
"Pentagon this is Alpha 5, reporting the hostiles are silenced. Alpha 2 marching on the Guru."
"Pentagon this is Bravo 1, going to Defcon 1, hostiles walking onto me, I repeat, Broken arrow in the bushes. Standby for reinforcements."

"Bravo 1 reporting, most men survived the attack, staying put, no need for backup."

"Alpha 2 has got the Guru's head and his mates paid us a hefty sum to get it back, Pentagon. Alpha leader out."

Following these actions, some would even call that genocide, but not us , the now Captain Reginald Belvedeer Sr, requested a short leave to ponder his career. He had nightmnares and was known to burst out crying in the night.
It took a few months, but finally adverse conditions forced the Captain back into business. There were reports of initial contact with those “commies”, and they were not nice, DEMANDING we teach the the suble art of scratching on clay tablets meaningful icons.
A very tense time started then with great tales of heroism from many a warrior.
We bring here, for your enjoyment some other transcripts.

HQ, come in. Come in, please.
this is Jhon Rambo, reporting from hill 348.
The natives seem restless. repeat, restless.
Advise we leave them be for now.
They seem to be working on a floatation device.
please advise on continued action?

Rambo, this is HQ.
stay put and DO NOT engage.
REPEAT, DO NOT ENGAGE. copy?

Copy, HQ! Do not engage.

Rambo, keep an eye out for that floatation device.
Pentagon places great importance on it.
report back as soon as the bogeys complete the research.
Copy?

Copy, HQ. Lurk and spot.

Good luck, Jhon. pull this off, and i see another stripe on your sleeve.
this is coming straight from General Boombaklaat!
you're point man.
remember you're the eyes and ears of the People's Republic.

and Goodjob on sneaking up behind that Mao upstart.
do that again, and yull get a post at the academy, training our COMPLETELY LEGAL, ON THE TABLE, NOTHING SHADOWY ABOUT THEM, Hit Squads

HQ OUT!!

The first skirmish with the Chinese, which were our first target was a great debacle (eh, another fancy word inserted ) proved to be bloody, but gave birth to CAPTAIN KILL MAIM formerly known as Reginald the hunter.
Well, I guess butchering countless chinamen will do that to an already not so stable person, led by a group of idiots with a pointy stick fetish.

Kill Maim’s glory continues to flourish in the Chinese wars, which left just 2 chinese cities, and will go on into the Geek Wars, where mighty Stone Chucks and brave Arrow chucks shall destroy all remnants of geek hopping lightly abouts.

check out the TALE OF KILL MAIM's Birth.

 

[jb1964]

Second take. Feedback still welcome.

What images are allowed? Suggestions?

 

[Tubby Rower]

Any images are allowed. Except ones that would disclose a MA resource such as saltpeter.

The bit about my peace-making with MAo.....We got 3 overseas cities out of that deal!!

 

[Minute Man]

@jb - Excellent.
I think the level of detail is good. Nobody's going to be looking to us for strategy tips, anyway.

As for images, a few screenshots (or minimaps) showing the progress of our empire over time (and particularly as of the spoiler writing) would probably be appropriate.

@sw - incomprehensible as usual. But still fairly entertaining.

 

[soul_warrior]

a much better version JB.

if you'll read KillMaim's Tail, you'll find i promoted him
not that its final...
have to add Rufus Longshank's tale in there too.
will finish it later and post the final version tomorrow.
comments?

 

[Admiral Kutzov]

MM has spewed the idiot perspective with remarkable brevity. jb's take 2 is a go. I almost think I understand what SW is jivin' about and it sounds good.

Pictures, pix, pix. Can someone post the link to ifan? got a new puter and idiot challenged. helpl

let's knock alex off and go commie. we are probably too silly to win, but we ain't gettin the wooden spoon thingy.

And dammit, where's the city Cuisnart? Can't have kitchen utensils without one.

 

[Beorn-eL-Feared]

We thy spoonness, JB. Killmaim's story sounds pretty darn accurate and unreadable too, sw, great job.

 

[soul_warrior]

unreadable, eh? wait till ive had 2 few more than i should have,

 

[jb1964]

Any images are allowed. Except ones that would disclose a MA resource such as saltpeter.

The bit about my peace-making with MAo.....We got 3 overseas cities out of that deal!!

I just tossed in a series of mini-maps at the end.

And I made sure to correct the fact that the three cities from Mao had come from beyond the water's edge.

 

[Tubby Rower]

jb. Add this to your post in the spoiler. It will give us an air of credibility.

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads10/mini_Cutlery.gif

 

[eldar]

Huh? Do we really want that? (Credibility, that is... the map is cool!)

 

[Tubby Rower]

Yeah your right. Credibility I think was lost when we had me as the "leader" and then lost more when we added AK .

 

[eldar]

This post is serving multiple purposes:
1) Agreeing that credibility for this team would count as a Gold Medal for any other!
2) Upping the team's post count.
3) Upping my post count, as TR is only 30 or so behind me - with 5 months less time on the forum.

 

[jb1964]

Despite the high level of impropriety we have managed some cogent discussion and pulled out a few nice moves. Getting anything out of Mono after finding Elizabeth already had it in hand was a good recovery. The Rep slingshot was certainly a highpoint for me. Any pick-up of a tech the AI neglects will be a good move for trades. Deciding to pull back from Beijing for a later assault was wise and was proven out by the victory the next time around. Let’s see how clever we can be taking out Alex.

The only thing I picked up from Team Tao’s write up was the idea of having a settler transported via eviction to another island. I’ll be interested to see if this paid off for anyone.

Our credibility is our score. So far we seem pretty middle of the road. It would sad to not only act like goofs but actually wind up in the cellar. That’s not going to happen.

Long-term thoughts…
What Techs can we monopolize that the AI neglects?
- Opinions/Experience? There is an article on the mind of the AI and what they'll research next. I can't get into the Academy while at work.
What Great Wonders do we want to start a pre-build for?
- Analysis
Keep Alex around so we can milk him for the free tech.
Do we keep Mao around as long as he can send settlers abroad?

 

[Tubby Rower]

The problem with keeping MAo around is that he only has one more city on our continent. I think that Teintsin will be there until Advanced Flight. So we could isolate him to the one city & then finish him off later.

I think that Alex will be in the same boat. We will need to take most of his core in order to get the iron (or are we not going for it now??) That will probably put his capital on the offshore property. Transporting a settler is a nice move but I don't think that it is feasible any more. we would get transported to a different part of the island or an island that is already almost fully occupied.