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The Lanun: Greed and exploits

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Fall from Heaven' started by Diamondeye, May 31, 2009.

  1. Diamondeye

    Diamondeye So Happy I Could Die

    Apr 20, 2007
    Dancing in the Dark
    This is an AAR-like writeup inspired especially by Shatner's brilliant AARs, most recently the story of the Amurites, "The revenge of the nerds". I am playing Falamar of the Lanun, on a large randomscript map with 11 random opponents.

    Scene I: Founding Saltstrickle
    Falamar - the ruler of the Lanun, a laid-back, relaxed ruler. Has something for the ladies (and boats!).
    Daniel - Falamar's little brother, who apparently isn't as good as his brother with the ladies. Has taken on hating goblins to work out his aggressions.
    Ol' Silvertooth - Falamar's mentor and master of exploits

    The Lanun are standing on a small hill. To the east runs a river, out into the ocean to the north. On a small peninsula to the northeast, a vein of gold has been spotted, which of course appeal a lot to the Lanun greed. to the southeast is a flat field of corn, and just south of that is a mighty pine forest.

    Falamar: So, uhm, we need to settle down on land so we can build boats and sail the sea? Why is that, really? Why can't we just build boats now and sail away?
    Silvertooth: Our people doesn't know how to build boats, and to find out that, we need beakers, from commerce. Only settled down villagers can provide commerce.
    Falamar: We are the Lanun, dreaded pirates of Erebus! Of course we can build ships. What you say is bunk.
    Silvertooth: No, it's a game mechanic. We need to settle down.
    Falamar: Whatever. Is this place fine for you, then? I need to feel the waves rolling and rocking a ship underneath my feet soon.
    Daniel: This place looks fine! We're on a hill, behind a river. If any goblins should attack, it'll be easy to defe-
    Silvertooth (interrupting Daniel): Actually, I think settling to the east to get the Pine forest over there inside our cultural borders would be smarter.
    Falamar: That's it then. What does the pine trees do?
    Silvertooth: They allow us to make peac- They have to do with a game mechanic, okay?
    Falamar: Sure. East it is.
    Daniel: But, what about if the goblins at-

    Spoiler Screenshot (Saltstrickle) :

    (same cast)

    Spoiler Screenshot (Muris Clan event) :

    Daniel: I knew it! I knew it! The goblins are coming! They are poisoning our forests!
    Falamar: Relax, Daniel. Silvertooth, ol' man, what can we do?
    Silvertooth: Nothing, I'm afraid. Since we are the Lanun, we do not have the body mana required to revitalize the forest.
    Daniel: Why can't our warriors just chase those nasty goblins away?
    Falamar: If you read the event text, they did. It was just too late. I guess this is another one of those game mechanics, right?
    Silvertooth: Well, not reall- oh, nevermind. Yes it is.

    Much later...
    (Same cast)

    Daniel: Falamar! We're in trouble again!
    Falamar: Relax, Daniel. What is it now? More Muris Clan goblins?
    Daniel: No, even worse! Our scout has run into a lion!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Scout and Lion) :

    Falamar: Ah, that looks like trouble. But aren't we safe on that hill, with "defense bonus" and all?
    Silvertooth: Strictly speaking, yes, we should have good odds. But as master of exploits, I regret to inform you that it is a universal rule that your starting scout is always killed at the first encounter.
    Falamar: Oh, bunk. Well, we can't do anything about it, can we?
    Daniel: Let's send out some Warriors to bash the lions!
    Falamar: I wasn't asking you. Silvertooth, is there any way to save the scout?
    Silvertooth: No, there isn't.

    The scout is killed by the lion.

    Scene II: Advancing in technology
    Falamar - the ruler of the Lanun, a laid-back, relaxed ruler. Has something for the ladies (and boats!).
    Daniel - Falamar's little brother, who apparently isn't as good as his brother with the ladies. Has taken on hating goblins (and recently lions) to work out his aggressions. Madly in love with Lisa
    Ol' Silvertooth - Falamar's mentor and master of exploits
    Lisa - The latest girl to fall for Falamar. Likes old-school pirating. A lot.

    The Lanun have just learned Agriculture, and are slowly and steadily advancing technology.

    Daniel: Falamar! We are in trouble, again!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Warrior and Lions) :

    Falamar (letting go of Lisa with a sigh): What is it now, Daniel?
    Daniel: We've run into... Oh, hi, Lisa
    Daniel blushes
    Falamar: Daniel, speak up. Lisa, your dress is on the chair behind you.
    Lisa blushes and puts on the dress
    Daniel: Our Warriors have run into a lot of lions!
    Falamar: Uh. What to do... This'd be a whole lot easier if Silvertooth was here.
    Silvertooth: Oh, I am. But the situation isn't grave. One of the lions is guarding its den; it won't attack.
    Falamar: Wait, how did you-?
    Silvertooth: I'm the master of exploits, remember?
    Falamar: Uh. Yeah. Spooky.

    The lion doesn't attack, and Falamar sends the Warrior north, into the forests, according to Silvertooth's advice. After everyone has shown up, they decide to keep council regarding other pressing matters of state aswell.

    Daniel: Oh, yeah, also, we spotted an even bigger danger, down south.
    Falamar: You mean "graver danger".
    Daniel: No, literally, bigger. It's a hill giant.
    Spoiler Screenshot (Hill Giant) :

    Falamar: Uh, so any way our Warrior will survive that?
    Silvertooth: Actually, he isn't even in danger.
    Falamar and Daniel: Is this another one of those game mechanics?
    Silvertooth: Indeed, it is. The Hill Giant has what is known as an "animal AI" - which is another game mechanic - which means that it cannot step on tiles - which is a unit the game splits up the map with - that contain ressources.
    Falamar: So, it cannot step on forests, or mines, or farms?
    Silvertooth: It only works for special ressources. If you look at the screenshot, you can see that the space between the Warrior and the Giant is blocked by, from north to south: a flock of cows, a mountain, a sun mana (from the mirror of heaven) and a mana deposit.
    Daniel: So a mountain is a ressource?
    Others (in choir): No, you moron.

    A little bit later, the Warrior in question is withdrawn to use as garrison in the new Lanun city, Heron Throne, which has just been founded.

    Spoiler Screenshot (Heron Throne) :

    Falamar: So, that looks like a nice spot. Shouldn't we send some Workers or fishermen down there to improve it a bit, though?
    Silvertooth: Actually, that won't help, since all the ressources are outside the cultural boundries of the city.
    Falamar: But that'll change, right? Saltstrickle's borders expanded all by themselves.
    Silvertooth: That's because your palace is here, and that provides culture. The Heron Throne has no buildings that provide culture. That could be solved with a monument.
    Falamar: Then why don't we just build a monument, then?
    Silvertooth: Because whoever rules the Lanun decided that he wanted to beeline teching towards Mining, to gain access to gold.
    Falamar: Whoever's leading the Lan- But, that's me.
    Silvertooth: Exactly.
    Lisa: Hey, greed is part of our pirate culture!
    Silvertooth: What culture?
    Lisa: ...
    Daniel: Then why is the city building a Work Boat instead of it's namesake, the Heron Throne?
    Silvertooth: Smart young man. It's bec-
    Lisa: I know! It's because we're the Lanun, so we can build Pirate Coves!
    Silvertooth: Indeed, it is. That city needs some food to support the miners that will build the Heron Throne.
    Falamar (waking up): But haven't we just built The Heron Throne?

    An awkward silence emerges, for quite some time, until Daniel breaks it...

    Daniel: More goblins! Lots of them! Our Warrior is going to die!
    Falamar: Surely, you are exaggerating. How many are there? Like, one?
    Daniel: Three! And one of them is an archer, and they have their own fort!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Goblin Fort) :

    Falamar: Blimey. Then it's good night for our Warrior, for sure, right?
    Silvertooth: Actually not, since the AI will always seek to garrison Goblin Forts with three units. It's a ga-
    Others (in choir): Game mechanic. Right?

    Ol' Silvertooth nods

    Daniel: Then how about the elephant? Surely, that'll kill our Warrior like that Lion did earlier?
    Spoiler Screenshot (Elephant) :

    Silvertooth: Actually, no. Elephants can only defend.
    Daniel: Why is that?
    Falamar: I bet it's another one of those game mechanics!
    Silvertooth: Actually, it's due to a balance issue.
    Others: ...

    A fair bit of time passes, and Lisa stops showing up at the palace. Also, the Lanun establish an amount of Pirate Coves, and soon, their economy is blooming (don't ask how the pirates gain such a profit without any foreign peoples to plunder, it's not some complicated background story, it's due primarily to the fact that pirates all have golden teeth, and tax loopholes.

    Joining the cast is Fimmel, a rather annoying dwarf adept who obviously have his spectrum of values completely askew.

    Falamar: Alright, now we finally have Mining, we can mine that gold!
    Silvertooth: That's right. We can also see copper now. There happens to be some just south of Saltstrickle, in fact.
    Spoiler Screenshot (gold mining) :

    Falamar: How come we couldn't see that bef- oh, it's another one of those game mechanics...
    Daniel: If we research Bronze Working, we could make proper weapons for fighting goblins and lions once we have built a mine on the copper.
    Fimmel (In a very loud voice): Or you could just allow me to transform the gold to copper!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Dwarf adept event) :

    Everyone, even Ol' Silvertooth, stares mistrusting at Fimmel
    Falamar: Dude, why would we do that? We have copper nearby and it's our only source of gold. Gold! Sheez, you're a dwarf, you should be loving gold.
    Fimmel: I'd only need 25 gold pieces to cover the expenses.
    Falamar: Okay, he is a dwarf, I can hear that now, but it's still a no. It's a bad deal.

    Soon after, it is rumoured that Orthus, the orc king, is roaming the lands to the far north-east, probably on another landmass. Also, the Lanun discover Animal Husbandry, and to Daniel's great pleasure, they also have Horses so that they can train horsemen to fight the lions and goblins with.
    Spoiler Screenshots :

    Furthermore, the Lanun settle their third city, Pearl Cape, near the Lion Den to the east, on the coast of course.
    Spoiler Screenshot (Pearl Cape) :

    Daniel: That's not a cape!
    Falamar: Shut up, Daniel! We've just made contact with the first foreign civilization...

    (That's roughly the first 80-90 turns. More later!)
  2. cyther

    cyther Lord of the Dance

    Jun 9, 2008
    Fane of Lessers
    Haha, everyone hates Daniel.
  3. Seon

    Seon Not An Evil Liar

    Jan 20, 2009
    Not Lying through my teeth
    :lol: Keep it coming :p
  4. Dumanios

    Dumanios MLG

    Oct 24, 2008
    This is comedy to the fullest!
  5. Ribusprissin

    Ribusprissin Warlord

    Mar 11, 2009
    Man, those goblins are annoying.
  6. far_wanderer

    far_wanderer Prince

    Dec 20, 2008
    Entertaining and educational - I didn't know animals wouldn't walk on resource tiles.
  7. Shatner

    Shatner Warlord

    Jan 24, 2008
    Austin, Texas
    Good stuff; I approve of meta-humor.

    I didn't know that either.
  8. Diamondeye

    Diamondeye So Happy I Could Die

    Apr 20, 2007
    Dancing in the Dark
    Scene III: A Foreign Nation
    Falamar - the ruler of the Lanun, a laid-back, relaxed ruler. Has something for the ladies (and boats!).
    Daniel - Falamar's little brother, who apparently isn't as good as his brother with the ladies. Has taken on hating goblins to work out his aggressions.
    Ol' Silvertooth - Falamar's mentor and master of exploits
    Fimmel - A rather annoying dwarf adept who obviously have his spectrum of values completely askew.
    Sandalphon - Ruler of the Sidar. Shady type.

    Spoiler Screenshot(Sandalphon) :

    Sandalphon: You have keen eyes to spot the Sidar, for we have passed through your lands many times before.
    Falamar (whispering to Silvertooth): How can they do that without Open Borders?
    Silvertooth (whispering to Falamar): It's just flavour text, what he means is that his people are hard to notice.
    Falamar: I see, well, hello there, Sandalphon. So, you rule the Sidar, huh?
    Sandalphon: Indeed, for in our lands everyone fulfills his purpose to perfection, and mine is to rule.
    Falamar: Uh-uh. Okay. That's fine, I guess. Anyway, since you've been strolling around Lanun lands already, why don't we agree to a deal of open borders?
    Sandalphon: I see no reason not to. It is done.
    Falamar: Great. Now, I guess your people needs your leadership... Back home...
    Sandalphon: It is so. I shall take my leave.

    Sandalphon leaves

    Falamar: Geez, that guy freaks me out! Are everyone out there that serious?
    Silvertooth: Lots of people out there are worse than the Sidar, but I believe none are as boring.
    Falamar: I figured that out. I bet they don't even like gold...
    Fimmel: Which is lucky, because I can transform it to copper! I'll need 25 gold pieces to cover the expenses, though...
    Spoiler Screenshot (Deja Vu) :

    Falamar (facepalming): Dude! Look, it's a nice offer, but we really can't afford it. So - get - lost!

    Fimmel leaves, grumblin.

    Silvertooth: I see you are following your land's economy closely, Falamar. It is true that we do only have 12 gold pieces right now.
    Falamar: Actually, it was just a bad excuse. Still, we should get some more cash. Can we plunder the Sidar?
    Silvertooth: We don't even know how to build proper ships, or where the Sidar live.
    Falamar: Dammit. Look, I'll look into that ship thing, Daniel, you can rule while I do so. Just find the Sidar. Use some Hunters or something.

    Falamar locks himself inside his room, taking with him only absolute necessarities such as plenty of beers and a rather cute redhead. Daniel is now in charge of the Lanun.

    Scene IV: The Goblin Wars

    Everyone knew how it would end with Daniel in charge. The Lanun slowly prepared to send out hunters to deal with any lions, goblins, and other oddities. However, this slow advance was hurried along by an unfortunate event...

    Silvertooth (with a serious concern in his voice): Uhm, Daniel...
    Daniel: That's "King Daniel". You too, narrator.
    Silvertooth and Narrator: Sorry.
    King Daniel: I forgive you. What is it, Silvertooth?
    Silvertooth: Well, one of our Warriors have been killed. Apparently, the goblin archers from the fort are on the move...
    Spoiler Screenshot (Goblin archer) :

    King Daniel: That's it! That's it! Declare total war upon the goblins!
    Silvertooth: Strictly speaking, since they are barbarians, we are at war with them...
    King Daniel: I don't care! All cities should be recruiting Hunters and Swordsmen! Get on it! When is that damn Heron Throne ready to do its job?
    Silvertooth: Now, in fact. And it looks to be a rather overpowered city, I must say...
    Spoiler Screenshot (Heron Throne) :

    Daniel: I don't care! How fast can it- Narrator! You forgot! Come again!
    King Daniel: How fast can it build Swordsmen?
    Silvertooth: Well, first, it needs another Pirate Cove, and a Training Yard, and...
    King Daniel: And that's it! After that, it's soldiers until the goblins are extinct!

    Spoiler Screenshot (Bronze Working) :

    Ol' Silvertooth sighs. Soon, one of the Lanun Warriors are killed by the roaming Hill Giant from earlier.

    Spoiler Screenshot (Hill Giant) :

    King Daniel: So, uhm, shouldn't we attack? It's wounded and all!
    Silvertooth: It's still way stronger than the Warrior. But if you let the Giant attack the Warrior, he has the advantage of terrain and fortification. Oh, and we have a Hunter who can reach the Giant next turn.
    King Daniel: Fantastic! Finally, We can teach those barbarians a thing or two about messing with the Lanun! How's the Goblin situation coming along?
    Silvertooth: Well, the archer is dead, and our hunters have established a base of operations. It needs a name, though...
    King Daniel: "Danielsfort!"
    Spoiler Screenshot (Danielsfort) :

    Silvertooth: Oh and by the way, it seems like we're not the only ones at war. Recently, the great orc hero known as Orthus was killed. And we have just recieved news from the sea that the Bannor have been destroyed.
    Spoiler Screenshot (One down, ten to go) :

    King Daniel: The Who?
    Silvertooth: No, The Bannor. Valiant warriors who fought their way out of hell.
    King Daniel: ...To be killed by people with clubs and axes?
    Silvertooth: Well, yes, most likely...
    King Daniel: Worthy fate.

    The Lanun Hunters do not only fight the goblins, they also manage to capture a bear, which is sent to The Heron Throne to fulfill the idea of Lanun entertainment: Pearls, Gold and dancing bears... Now all we need is some brew!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Bear) :

    Oh, and Falamar exits his room, a smile on his face, and his clothes in a mess. A redhead in about the same condition is seen dragging herself out the room while Falamar proudly announces:

    Falamar: I have done it! We can build pirate ships now! Ladies and gent's; Optics!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Optics) :

    A huge applause completely fails to emanate from the audience.
    Falamar: So, Daniel, how're things looking?
    Daniel: They're looking brilliant! I've invaded the goblin fort!
    Spoiler Screenshot (Goblin Fort) :

    Falamar: Uh, that's great, but I was thinking of the Sidar situation...
    Daniel: Sidar...?
    Silvertooth: Actually, one of our Hunters just found the Sidar border. We do not yet know if they have access to the coast, though.
    Spoiler Screenshot (Sidar) :

    Falamar: That's great. And I see Daniel's even founded a city named after himself. No surprises there.
    Silvertooth: Actually, we're about to settle another new city. Our first inland city, and it needs a na-
    Falamar: Inland city? No way! Who wants that Rat's turf anyway?

    Silvertooth decides to stay quiet and dub the city "Rat's Turf".
    Spoiler Screenshot (Rat's Turf) :

    (OOC: Initial save, turn 100 save and current save attached, for those interested)
  9. Jake the Peg

    Jake the Peg Chieftain

    May 26, 2009
    :lol: Ha ha, that stuff is brilliant! Good job Diamondeye, keep it coming!
  10. FireBlaze

    FireBlaze King

    Oct 6, 2008
    Turn 100? Dang you work fast 0_0
  11. Diamondeye

    Diamondeye So Happy I Could Die

    Apr 20, 2007
    Dancing in the Dark
    I'm glad you like it, but it's not particularly fast. I've just gotten Optics and I'm on turn 143. I have yet to research techs like Mysticism and Education. Seriously, what use are those to a Lanun Coast Economy?

    Perhaps I should adopt city states soon, seeing as I am not using GK and have 5 cities...

    I'll play some more tomorrow, I think. Perhaps 'till turn 200.
  12. Dumanios

    Dumanios MLG

    Oct 24, 2008
    Argg!I see that ye got thar a good story.
  13. DioBrando

    DioBrando Warlord

    Oct 10, 2008
    This is actually good. Really good.
  14. FireBlaze

    FireBlaze King

    Oct 6, 2008
    Ah. Missed the turn 143 save :lol:
  15. Diamondeye

    Diamondeye So Happy I Could Die

    Apr 20, 2007
    Dancing in the Dark
    Oh and by tomorrow, I meant "I just had to try and play a bit with the Balseraph again, and then the Clan attacked me, and I killed them, but then I met the Doviello and suddenly it was turn 240 and I was following AV and tried to keep up in tech with the Ljosalfar who had an entire continent by themselves, but then I realized it was almost midnight and I had exams the next morning."

    which, in short, means "in a couple of days".

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