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The Tale of William of Slacker

Discussion in 'Civ3 - Stories & Tales' started by Tribute, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Welcome, children, to the story of William of Slacker. Most people would love to meet this prideful noble. Others say, that it was his manservant all along. Whatever the case may be, this is his story.

    Records found dating 4000 BC

    Pippin: Sir! Ah sir, I've found you. Sir? Sir? WAKE UP!!!
    William: What is it, Pippin?
    Pippin: It's about the people, sir. They want to know where they should settle. Our slaves, err..., indentured servants also await instruction.
    William: Uhhh. I'm too tired. Can't we do this some other day. After all, I never age.
    Pippin: I respectfully disagree, sir. We must....
    William: *Snore*
    Pippin: *Sghs*

    Records found dating 2750BC

    William: *yawns* That was a nice sleep. Oh, Pippin! How long have you been there?
    Pippin: Oh not that long, just a few centuries give or take a millienium.
    William: That's not that bad. I feel ready. Uh, settlers should just sit down where they are, and um, the workers can do, whatever.
    Pippin: Why don't you let me lead, sir?
    William: Are you crazy?! You, my dear little Pip, are a commoner. Commoners know nothing about civilization. They form little villages where they make children and drool. I am a noble, and everyone knows that only nobles can lead.
    Pippin: Right....
    William: "Right, sir."
    Pippin: (quietly) Whatever.
    William: What's that?
    Pippin: Nothing, nothing.
    William: *stares*
    Pippin: What? I said nothing
    William: *stares*
    Pippin: Don't hurt me!

    Records found dating 2550 BC

    Pippin: Sir! We need to know what our workers should do after they finished irrigating.
    William: I didn't order an irrigation project. I don't even know what "irrigation" is.
    Pippin: Well sir, irrigation is supposed to make land produce more food.
    William: ... right. And exactly how does it do that?
    Pippin: (under his breath) Man, you're dumb!
    William: You'll have to speak up if you want me to hear you.
    Pippin: But I said nothing.
    William: ...
    Pippin: Oh! Right. So irrigation is where people put water from rivers or lakes into the fields by cutting little lines into the soil so that the water flows in better.
    William: So water makes things grow? Is that why there's always mold after you put water on a wall?
    Pippin: Um, yeah that's right. Anyways, I'll just go back and take control again. The workers will build a road now.
    William: What did you say?
    Pippin: I'll just go back.
    William: No, the bit after.
    Pippin: Take control again?
    William: No, though our empire will fail under a commoner. A bit after.
    Pippin: Build a road now?
    William: Yes! What's a road?
    Pippin: Geez! What did you do at school? Eat paint chips?
    William: *giggles* Why?

    Records found dating 2470 BC

    William: Pippin!
    Pippin: Yes, what is it sir?
    William: Fetch me a jar of gummi bears please.
    Pippin: I just put in a new one today!
    William: I know.
    Pippin: ...
    William: Well?
    Pippin: Fine, I'm going. Oh, and by the way, our population has doubled in size.
    William: Already? This calls for another rest. *falls asleep*
    Pippin: Ah, well, maybe it's better this way....

    Records found dating 2430 BC

    Pippin: Here are your gummi bears, sir.
    William: *grumbles and turns over*
    Pippin: Admittedly, a bit old and stale but good nonetheless.
    William: *yawns* Did you say gummi bears?
    Pippin: Yes. ... oh no.
    William: Me. Want. Gummi bears! *attacks Pippin*
    Pippin: No, sir! Desist!
    William: We wantsss the preeeeeeciousssss.
    Pippin: If you don't mind, sir, I'll just leave you to your gummi bears, jump onto this new curragh, and NEVER THINK OF THIS AGAIN.

    Chapter List:
    Chapter One: The Tale of William of Slacker
    Chapter Two: Enter Knarl the Devious
    Chapter Three: Enter Kindle the Cultural Advisor
    Chapter Four: Janet, Domestic Advisor or Hater of Men?
    Chapter Five: Doc-tor Nobel
    Chapter Six: Captain Sham
    Chapter Seven: Janice???
    Chapter Eight: The Plot Thickens
    Chapter Nine: Betrayal
    Chapter Ten: The Revolting Showdown
  2. Vind2

    Vind2 Woof?

    Nov 4, 2005
    New Jesey
    Looks like you got a decent start. Wat's up with the pics? Do you have some wierd mod or a graphical error?
  3. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Hee hee. Graphics problem. Game still functions though.

    By the way, I normally play Monarch/Emperor. This game is Regent, but I waited 25 turns before settling. Later on, there will be more delays. :) You can tell from the title, William of Slacker.
  4. conquer_dude

    conquer_dude Imperial Slave

    Nov 27, 2005
    Hattiesburg, MS
    Goddam fix those graphics! :dubious: Good lookin story though. :)
  5. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Welcome back, my friends. We continue the tale of William of Slacker. Before the extremely short break, we left our young heroes on the brink of destruction. Would William be forced to watch as his empire crumbled? Would Pippin make it to a new land? Only time will tell us. Err.... Only I will tell you. Oh, and by the way, what kind of freaks cannot use their imagination to achieve comedy. You must really hate play format. Parantheses for emotion or details and *action*. Also, a "-" signifies interruption. "..." means that one keeps speaking. "...." means that the person trails off. And Italics are for emphasis.

    Huh? What's that? You still do not get it?! Fine, I'll spell it out for you. Happy? "It" is spelled "I-T" Hahahahahaha-

    -Record found dating The End of 2430 BC
    William: Pippin? ... Pippin? ... Piiiiippin.
    Pippin: ... (out of sight)
    William: Pippin. Pippin?! Piiiippiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!
    Pippin: ...
    William: *sobs* Oh what have I done. I can't run an empire without Pippin. Our workers have already left the border's of Amsterdam in search of food. They say that extraordinary fields of wheat are out there. If such riches exist outside of the Netherlands, what reason would Pippin have to stay?
    Pippin: ...!
    William: Oh Pippin, if I could only see you once more....
    Pippin: *enters* My lord, do you really mean it?
    William: *sob* Of course, my dear Pippin. *gulps* Oh!
    Pippin: What is it my lord?
    William: It's just that you started me that's all.
    Pippin: Uh-huh.
    William: Yes, that's all.
    Pippin: *stares at William*
    William: What?
    Pippin: ...
    William: *speaks very monotously quickly* No, I did NOT hire another servant to replace you while I thought you were gone forever on a little dinghy.
    Knarl: Sir, you called.
    William: No, I did not.
    Knarl: Pippin, was it? You're wanted in the kitchen.
    Pippin: Who are you?
    William: Pippin, I'd like you to meet the one who would have replaced you, Knarl. He comes with good references... (continues speaking)
    Pippin: I believe we're going to be great friends. My first impressions about people are always right.
    Knarl: Nice to meet you Pippin. I'm sure we'll have a great time together. *lowers voice* I know I will....
    Pippin: What was that?
    Knarl: I said, "I know we will."
    Pippin: Oh, that's okay then.
    William: and knows how to milk cows. I think that's all.
    Knarl: You forgot master tactician.
    William: I said, "good planner."
    Knarl: No, you didn't.
    William: Yes, I did.
    Knarl: No, you didn't.
    William: Yes, I did.
    Knarl: No, you didn't!
    William: Yes, I did!
    Knarl: No, you did not!
    William: Yes, I did too!
    Pippin: Please you two, calm down!
    Knarl and William: STAY OUT OF THIS!
    Pippin: *smaller voice* I only wanted to help?
    William: Well, you can help by going down to the kitchens.
    Pippin: Fine!
    Knarl: So what of the ship?
    William: What ship?
    Knarl: What about the dinghy?
    William: Oh! (triumphantly) The dinghy! *nods* Yeah, you can find someone to go on it, if you want. I mean you don't have too....
    Knarl: Yes, my liege. Immediately. I'll let it explore.
    (Curragh set to explore. Worker sent to flood plains wheat.)

    Records found dating 2270 BC
    Pippin: Man, those dishes took a long time to clean. I even found one that said, "William, you have to clean this or no gummi bears tonight!" Of course, I might have been delusional by then....
    Knarl: Hello, fellow servant.
    Pippin: You. YOU! I oughta kill you for that backbreaking work.
    Knarl: What? Didn't you use the dishwasher?
    Pippin: *exhales while saying* Kill. (sudden recognition) The what?
    Knarl: The dishwasher, you fool. Excuse me. *leaves*
    Pippin: ... wait a minute! There are no dishwashers! Grr!
    (Amsterdam gains another population point to 3, set to wash dishes. Luxury tax upgraded to 20% to buy dishwashers. Writing in 34.)

    Records found dating 2190 BC
    William: Oh Piiiiiiiiiiiippin! Where are yoooooooooou?
    Pippin: *voice from far away* Can you hold on? I'm kind of busy here.
    William: Piiiiiiiippin! Pipino! Come on, PIp Pip.
    Pippin: Grr. Fine! *enters*
    William: Ah, so you're here. I was just about to ask Knarl what he wanted for breakfast.
    Pippin: Oh, thank you sir, you're so kind. I'd like-
    William: Not for you, Pippin. Knarl is here as a guest. Advisors are to be treated better than servants, you know.
    Knarl: That's right, my dear little Pippin. Run along now. And make sure nothing gets burnt. *hands him a list*
    Pippin: *unrolls the list down to his feet*
    William: We're waiting. If we finish our business before you finish cooking our breakfast and bring it here. It's off to the gallows with you.
    Pippin: *jumps up and runs off*
    Knarl: So about the new ship.
    William: The what?
    Knarl: The dinghy, sir. A ship is a dinghy. A dinghy is a ship.
    William: I thought it was a curragh. Curragh. Craw, Craw, Craw!
    Knarl: MO-VING A-LONG. I suggest we let it explore our western coast line as the other "craw" has decided to go east.
    William: I'm sorry. What did you say? I'm so hungry. You know what, we can do this later, can't we?
    Knarl: No, sir.
    (2nd curragh built sent manually west.)

    Records found dating 2110 BC
    William: I'm bored. ... That's good. No responsibilities...-
    Pippin: Sir! It's horrible!
    Knarl: It's true, sir! As much as I hate, erm love, my dear Pippin, I cannot hide the truth from you.
    William: *bursts out crying* Why religious beings? Why?
    Knarl: ... um, sir?
    Pippin: Oh, don't cry. Hey, Knarl, we need to ask someone to make this all better.
    Knarl: How about we just leave a note and our condolences?
    Pippin: *responds quickly* Yeah, that'll do. *the two leave after scrawling a note*
    William: *sighs and picks up the note* "We have spotted some wierd looking people out there. They seem rather more advanced than us. We'll be meeting very soon." Just what I need. More work. What's this? "PS: Our married couple awareness fund seems to have worked. There are even more citizens in our empire now." Why, oh religious beings? Why?
    (Spot purple border. Lux tax up to 30% for 4 citizens.)

    Records found dating 2070 BC
    William: So. It's you. Well, it's not really you, you're just a messenger. Must we do this now? I'm kind of losing my 18 hours of sleep a day. I get an even 25 hours on a good day.
    Scandinavian Messenger: ...
    William: Obviously you don't understand me. Guess what? You suck. Your people suck, and that's that.
    Scandinavian Messenger: So you declare war?
    Knarl: Let me handle this one, sir. You are a Viking.
    Scandinavian Messenger: Yes.
    Knarl: Take us to your leader. *lowers voice* I don't even know how we got to the "craw" on their border so fast but whatever.
    Ragnar: Ho. Ho. Ho.
    William: *lifts eyebrows* You callin' me a "-edited out-"?
    Knarl: I apologize for my leader? *aside to Ragnar* He's kind of an idiot.
    Ragnar: *back to Knarl* I could tell.
    William: *whispering* Why are we whispering?
    Ragnar: *whispers back* I don't ... know.
    Knarl: (normal voice) So then. To business. Pippin!
    Pippin: Yes? I don't see how you whisked me all the way from Amsterdam to here in a second but I'm here.
    Knarl: I need our treasury and designs for those plates you had to wash.
    Pippin: Alr- (is whisked away) -iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Woooo- (returns) -ooooooooooooah! (breathlessly) Okay. Here they are. *gasps for air*
    Ragnar: Eh? Is that it? Ho, ho, ho!
    William: I thought I told you not to call me that.
    Knarl: *looks meanfully at Pippin and nods* Pippin.
    Pippin: Sir, why don't we go back. You'll be able to rest there.
    William: Alright Pippin. Just carry me there. I don't want to walk.
    Pippin: But we've got a ship. You can lie down on the deck-
    William: I said, "I don't want to walk."
    Pippin: (defeated) Fine. *stares daggers at Knarl who shrugs and grins*
    Ragnar: Sorry. Your offer sucks. I am so insulted.
    Knarl: *imitates Ragnar* Ho, ho, ho! Oh really now?
    Ragnar: (angrily) Yeah really. Now git! You're so getting a lump of coal.
    Knarl: You wish that Norsy-boy.
    (Quite self-explanatory)

    Records dating 1950 BC
    William: *singing a Backstreet Boys Tune* I have a feeling. It tastes like cucumbers. I have a feeling of people encumbered. Tell me why I can't sleep whenever I waa-aa-aant. There's something there that-
    Pippin: Once again, I find you singing. And once again, my duty forces me to give applause. *falsely smiles and claps* Moving on.
    William: (unwillingly and tiredly) What is it now?
    Pippin: Same as last time we had something unfortunate that-caused-you-to-be-bedridden-for-a-year.
    William: (confused) And what was that?
    Pippin: Another border and more citizens.
    William: (with anguish) Why, oh religious ones? Why? (determined) It's gotta be those darned Norse gods. They're so full of themselves. What conceit!
    Pippin: Uh, right. I'll just be going....
    (another border and another population now at 5. 50% 50%.)

    Records dating 1910 BC
    William: Ooh, Koreans. Sounds rather spicy.
    Wang Kon: Some kim chi? *offers a wooden bowl with wheels on it*
    William: That's sounds lovely. *takes the bowl*
    Wang Kon: So how is it?
    William: I don't understand. Just how am I supposed to eat it?
    Wang Kon: You use the sticks on the side.
    William: Sticks? How barbarous! (No offense to anyone was intended.)
    Wang Kon: (ashamed) I know. (eyes light up evilly) Almost as barbarous as the Dutch are. You are so knowledgable. I admire your survival skills in this world of technology.
    William: Fine. I'll give you a great deal. All your techs for all of ours. Hmm?
    Wang Kon: New deal: Wood crafting into wheels and all the gold in our coffers for your little plates.
    Pippin: Sir, I wouldn't advise-
    William: Deal! As long as I can get out of here.
    Wang Kon: Excellent!
    Knarl: Sir, another border! Another tribe of barbarians, we hope.
    William: From what I've witnessed, it only means more work. *sighs*
    Pippin: My lord, what about Ragnar?
    William: The guy who thinks everyone is female?
    Pippin: I wouldn't know seeing how I was being whisked all around the world when you met with-
    Knarl: Yeah, alright we get it.
    Wang Kon: I'm confused. Who?
    Knarl: Butt out, y'old geezer.
    Wang Kon: Look at this hair! Not a single black one.
    Pippin: Don't you mean not a single white one.
    Wang Kon: (shocked and uncertain) Um, yes?
    Pippin: Then what's this bottle of black bleach doing next to your chair.
    Wang Kon: Um, that was for my daughter!
    William: Wait a guy like you has a-
    Knarl: Let's gooo now. *They pop into Ragnar's throne room*
    Ragnar: Halt! Who goes there?
    William: I, William of Orange.
    Ragnar: A hug, comrade! *hugs William*
    William: (muffled) You're crushing my ribs.
    Ragnar: *lets William go*
    William: *falls on the floor* (dazed) Oh, my ovaries!
    Knarl: Okay, I got the plans and their gold. Let's go!
    Ragnar: Hey, those're our plans.
    Pippin: Here! *tosses Ragnar an unwashed plate*
    William: Good shot! *tries but fails to get up* Ow....
    Knarl: He'll be out cold for a while. But weren't you supposed to clean all the dishes?
    William: Yeah. Weren't you?
    Pippin: Um, *teleports*.
    Knarl: Hmm, I'll get him later. *he teleports out*
    William: Um, a little help here?
    (Korea: Pottery for Wheel + 10 gold and Scandinavia: Pottery for Bronze + 10 gold)

    Tribute: So how do you like my story or play so far? Funny? If you have any objections to my work, please reply to this thread or send me a PM. Any confusions, PM. Any general confusion, thread. Finally, if you have any jokes or funny scenarios for my story please, PM me. Thank you.
    Kindle: Hey? When do I get to be a part of the action?
    Tribute: Next time, my lovely.
    Kindle: Oh, isn't that *exhales deeply* romantic? *blushes*
    Tribute: Yeah, right.
    William: Help? Anyone? I'm starting to lose consciousness here. ... (pleadingly) Please?
    Tribute: *ignrores William* Any comments or good job's go on the thread too please. Spam makes me feel better. :) Oh, and if you haven't guessed it yet. The variant is the 25 turn wait at the start of the game and general lack of micromanagement. There is only a general plan and an elaborate story plot.
  6. Starkow

    Starkow Baby Thor

    Apr 30, 2005
    The screen shots scare me... they're all fuzzy. *Hides under bed*
  7. conquer_dude

    conquer_dude Imperial Slave

    Nov 27, 2005
    Hattiesburg, MS
    The freaky thing is the scary Bismark that is staring you down on the diplo screen. *Does the same as Starkow*
  8. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Well, at least some people respond. Are my scenes too sucky? Noone thinks they're funny. :( And forget about Busy old Bismark.

    I'm sorry that my graphics suck. Oh, and the pictures are fuzzy because I save them as .gif not as .jpg or .png or anything of high quality.

    I invite you all to come out into the open and make comments. I would feel a lot better to see I have an audience. :)
  9. conquer_dude

    conquer_dude Imperial Slave

    Nov 27, 2005
    Hattiesburg, MS
    Alright, wat I can tell you are ready to pump out the settlers now.
  10. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Okay, right. An update comes today if you're lucky. Else, tomorrow
  11. Starkow

    Starkow Baby Thor

    Apr 30, 2005
    I can tell you that it's freakin hilarious, keep up the good work. The Vikings seem pretty close to you, and they're aggresive. Lots of :hammer: :hammer2:
  12. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    When we last were together, William was left in the halls of the Scaninavians to probably rot forevermore. Would this be the end of the empire on which he had worked so little? Only time would tell. Or rather, only I will tell. Oh, wait, we've already done that. Um, nope, done that. And that. And, oh dear, I do not want to read that.

    Records found dating The End of 1910 BC
    Kindle: Lalalalala.
    William: Help? Anyone? I'm starting to lose consciousness here. ... (pleadingly) Please?
    Kindle: Lalalalala.*sings* Looooooooooove is really never gooooooood enough. La la la la lala la la (opera finish) LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    William: Ow, now even my ears hurt too!
    Kindle: Hmm? Who's there? If you're ugly, please do not respond!
    William: It is, I, the slightly damaged, William of Orange.
    Kindle: I've never heard of you, but I'm sure if I ask around, people will have GREAT things to say about you. *blushes while looking at William*
    William: Uh, right. A little help here?
    Kindle: Oh, no problem. *lifts William to a standing position* So where do you want to go? I know a good doctor around here....

    Records found dating 1870 BC
    Pippin: Sir! You're finally back!
    William: Yeah, it only took 40 years 'cause somebody doesn't know where Amsterdam is!
    Kindle: Well, I said I was (hurtful) sorry!
    Pippin: How many times did you apologize?
    Kindle: In exacts or in general?
    Pippin: In general.
    Kindle: Many, many times. *starts to sniff*
    Pippin: And in exacts?
    Kindle: *wails* 4,381 times! *bursts out crying*
    Pippin: There, there now, don't cry. *looks angrily at William*
    William: What?
    Pippin: Couldn't you, after you had gotten better, teleported back here?
    William: (confidentially) Well, don't tell her this, but I kinda forgot where it was too.
    Pippin: (loudly) Whatta ya mean "kinda"?
    William: Shush! She'll hear you!
    Kindle: Who's she? She must be really unnattractive.
    Knarl: *pops in out of nowhere* (snarling) That's right, you think that.
    Kindle: Now, who's this little monster? You're such a cute baby!
    Knarl: *twitches* (with rising loudness per word) What - did - you - call - ME?
    William: She called you a "baby."
    Knarl: *reveals a fang and corners William* Don't you ever call me that.
    William: But, but she's the one who called you that! *cowers as Knarl continues to glare* Please don't hurt me.
    Knarl: Well, you're the one who brought her here. However, this does raise a point.
    Pippin: Yeah, I agree. Just who are you? *notices the door closes* She's gone! (Cue Sound Effects: Dun! Dun! Dun!)

    Records found dating The Middle of 1870 BC
    Kindle: All right people, it's time to go! Tee-hee! *poses*
    Leader of the Settlers: Where shall we go, dame Kindle?
    Kindle: Um, let's go east. 'cause east is "least" without the L. And we all know what that means!
    Leader of the Settlers: ...
    Kindle: That's right! The east (singsongy) needs a little love tonight!
    Leader of the Settlers: ...
    Kindle: What? *gives up her ruse of politeness* (angrily and screechingly) Do you not like love or something? What the heck is your problem? *calms down* (sweetly) It's okay old man, you can go now.
    Leader of the Settlers: ... anywhere but here.
    (Kindle sends the settlers off to the east. What will they find out there?)

    Records found dating The End of 1870 BC
    Knarl: My liege. It pleases me to see you well again.
    William: Well, guess what? I'm not pleased! I can't call in sick anymore.
    Pippin: But you can't call in sick, sir! You're our king!
    William: (matter of factly) Dictator, actually.
    Pippin: Yeah, whatever.
    William: *looks concernedly at Pippin for a while* ... so what is it, Knarl?
    Knarl: Ah yes, it's wonderful news.
    William: Yes? (eagerly) Yes?
    Knarl: We've met the brown Carthiginians!
    William: We have?
    Knarl: (evilly) Yup, that's right.
    William: I got no news of that.
    Knarl: ... I'm giving you the news now.
    Pippin: (regretfully) Well, shall we see them?
    William: No, let's not.
    Knarl: (sadly) As much as I hate to say this, we can't. Our ship ran away at the last moment.
    William: The what?
    Knarl: Something about the ports being too red.
    Pippin: I thought you said that they themed brown like we theme orange?
    Knarl: (full of glee) Red with blood!
    Pippin: Yuck! I hope we never get to meet them.
    William: (confused) I agree.
    Knarl: So it's agreed, we'll meet them in 40 years.
    William: (fearfully) I'm too young to be eaten!
    (See Leptis Magna but the curragh runs away. Set to manual control.)

    Records found dating 1830 BC
    Knarl: So you're Hannibal the Cannibal.
    Hannibal: Well, I'm not a cannibal....
    Knarl: So that's not human meat rotting out there?
    Hannibal: Um, nope.
    Knarl: And that's not a human vein sticking in between your teeth?
    Hannibal: No....
    Knarl: And you're definitely not salivating, right now as you look at Pippin?
    Hannibal: *starts to sweat* Um....
    Pippin: Knarl, how do you know about the aspects of cannibalism?
    Knarl: (loudly and quickly) NO, I HAVE NOT EATEN PEOPLE BEFORE! *takes out a pair of goggles*
    Pippin: So, Hannibal, how about it? We'll teach you how to make bowls with wheels on them, and you teach us to make bricks out of mud, stack them together, and okay, this kinda sounds really easy to do by myself.
    Hannibal: If I get to taste fresh meat, I'll throw in some gold too!
    William: That's a great idea, isn't it guys?
    Knarl: I know I'm your advisor of foreign affairs and all, but there are some things I just cannot sacrifice to a cannibal!
    William: Well, Pippin, I guess it's up to you!
    Pippin: ... *turns around and bolts*
    William: Knarl, did he just run into a wall?
    Knarl: Yes, sir, it looks like he did.
    Pippin: Ow....
    (Trade The Wheel to Carthaginians (polite) for Masonry and 10 gold. They've got 4 cities to our 1! Talk about 25 turn advantage!)

    Records found dating The End of 1830 BC
    Wang Kon: You're back! Some kim chi, perhaps?
    William: What is wrong with you, man? You're feeding people fermented vegetables!
    Wang Kon: (hurt) Well when you talk about it like that you make it sound so bad.
    Pippin: So, now that we're smarter than you.
    Wang Kon: (quietly) For once.
    Knarl: What's that, old man?
    Wang Kon: (quickly) Nothing.
    Knarl: I thought so. So, we'll give you some gold for your haircare products as well as how to make bricks. *mutters* Hmm, I still don't know how you made your throne room out of bricks.
    Wang Kon: Oh, it's not bricks. *pushes on a pillar, which falls*
    Pippin: Excuse me, if I'm wrong, sir, but did he just knock down his whole castle?
    William: Yes, Pippin, he has. That's almost as dumb as you.
    Pippin: What?
    William: *uses a mocking voice* Look at me! I'm Pippin! *lowers pitch and rate dramatically* And I run into walls !
    Wang Kon: Let's see, let me give you our plans for mining iron ore and making swords.
    Knarl: Why don't you show us your cool bowmanship?
    Wang Kon: I don't see why not. *takes out a bow* (a pinkish blur passes by him; the bow is gone and so are the others) ??? What happened?
    (Koreans get Masonry and 15 gold for Warrior Code and Iron Working; they've got 4 cities, and Scandinavia has 3 cities. Settler continues east. Lux tax finally lowered for writing in 19.)

    Records found dating 1790 BC
    William: Good work, Kindle (quietly) and nice legs.
    Kindle: Thanks.
    Pippin: Are you sure we should trust a thief, sir?
    Kindle: I know you can trust me! Love is the strongest bond one can share! *looks dreamily into the distance*
    Pippin: Eh.
    William: Now that's not nice Pippin. Kindle's the one who reminded me to lower the luxury tax. Asceticism is important for an empire's success.
    Kindle: Precisely, it helps the mind focus on the religious beings, which govern our fate so much.
    Pippin: Now, I know I've drawn a bad lot in life.
    Knarl: *enters violently* (louder per syllable) William!
    William: (nonchalantly) Yes?
    Knarl: (face is disgusted) Ooh, it's her .
    Kindle: Oh, the cute little- *sees Knarl is incensed*
    Knarl: I'd thank you not to call me that. We wouldn't want *flashes a fang at her* an accident to happen, would we?
    William: Oh, afterlives, no Knarl! We would not want that. *nods head approvingly.*
    Pippin: So you're our cultural advisor, I take it? I'm Pippin.
    Knarl: He's the manservant.
    Kindle: (disgustedly) Oh, the manservant. How dreadful! (to William) I suggest you raise the luxury tax again. The people may riot.
    William: Anything, for you my darling.
    Kindle: Besides, I like a little bubble bath, now and then. *smiles and leaves*
    Knarl: Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I wanted to talk to you about that ship we met the Carthiginians on.
    William: Oh, the ship. I do so ever like ships.
    Pippin: (under breath) I guess you do learn a new word every day.... *leaves*
    Knarl: Yes, well, that ship caused a little panic to the Carthaginians. They were impressed, you see.
    William: Excellent. Our dinghies are the best after all.
    Knarl: Yeah, we got so close that they tried to sink it!
    William: (incredulously) Naw.
    Knarl: We shot 'em back though, "impressing" them quite a bit. Boy, is Hannibal mad! They say that they had a big bonfire to their little pagan gods. Afterwards, the fires burnt out, yet nobody was seen to leave.
    William: That's some good eatin'!
    (Pop to 4 Settler in 6 Lux 30%. Carthage was not happy with our puny invasion in Leptis Magna.)

    Records found dating 1750 BC
    William: I've been thinking.
    Pippin: (sarcastically) That's new.
    William: Whatever happened to those people we sent out?
    Pippin: Why don't you ask Kindle?
    William: Good idea. Go fetch her, Pippin.
    Pippin: You could just yell for her like you do for me!
    William: There's no need to shout, Pipino.
    Pippin: I hate it when you call me that.
    William: Serenity is key to success. I do so love Kindle's lessons on culture and etiquette. We get to meditate every day!
    Pippin: Um, congratulations?
    William: I'm a changed man. Just let me go back to sleep. *starts to snore*
    Kindle: *enters* I heard some yelling. It's bad for the romantic spirit if one is always angry.
    Pippin: (almost boiling over with anger) I - am - not - angry. *twitches*
    Kindle: Yes you are. You should take a vacation.
    Pippin: There's no place like home.
    Kindle: Well, then we have a "sister" resort over in Rotterdam. Don't worry. You won't miss a thing.
    Pippin: Now that, I'm sure of. *looks at William who's curled in the fetal position*
    (Settler settles Rotterdam for a worker in 10.)

    Records found dating 1725 BC
    William: Hey, where's Pippin? I've got to tell him the good news!
    Knarl: This is the life i'n it? *lies down on a stone block* We actually get beds that are not made of dirt!
    William: I can't believe I was lying in sheets over such filth before!
    Knarl: I can't believe I'll be more civilized than those other fools!
    Kindle: And I can't believe it's not butter! (to none in particular) Thanks, Kindle, I'll be here all week.
    William: The woman I wanted to congratulate!
    Knarl: (with false cheer) Yay, the woman who repulses me!
    Kindle: I think you're just so cute , Knarl.
    Knarl: Whatever. *leaves*
    Kindle: I really like that man. He's so *exhales deeply* romantic. *blushes*
    William: Don't you like me?
    Kindle: (disgusted) You? *screeches* Why would I like you? You're so, so pale!
    William: Hmph, no reward for you then.
    Kindle: What?!
    William: Yeah, I was planning, or rather Pippin planned in Rotterdam, to have a party for your hard work.
    Kindle: Oh, it was nothing . I just pointed them in a direction and away they went. *giggles* They probably settled 'cause they were so tired! Ha!
    (In interturn, a palace expansion occurred.)

    Records found dating 1675 BC
    Pippin: I'm back! ... ... Uh, guys? Hmm, what's this slider thing, doing here? It's so out of whack! These two bars should be at the same level. *adjusts them a bit* There. *leaves* *the bars slide back a little bit*
    (Luxury tax back to 40% to accomodate for 5 population in Amsterdam.)

    Records found dating 1625 BC
    Pippin: It's been rather boring here.
    William: *enters* Pippin! When did you get back?
    Pippin: Just about 50 years ago.
    Knarl: Not too bad, huh?
    Kindle: We had a wonderful time in Rotterdam. It didn't rot so much as I thought it would.
    Pippin: Well, I think it highly unfair that I had to run the whole empire by myself. *pouts*
    William: Wait. You ran the whole empire by just yourself?
    Pippin: Yes.
    William: I thought I told you that only nobles rule the world.
    Knarl: (the "yeah" is lengthened out provokingly) Yea-a-a-ah.
    Kindle: You know, the first step to dating is going on a vacation together.
    Knarl: *jumps up and runs behind Pippin* (pleadingly) Hide me.
    Pippin: *pushes Knarl away* Sir, I thought you ought to know-
    William: But I don't want to know. Um, tell Kindle. I need rest. *exits*
    Kindle: Ugh, well? (a condescending expression appears on her face)
    Pippin: I kinda sent the settler to go near the fish. 'Cause I like fish. And they like fish. And we all like fish-
    Knarl: I don't like fish.
    Pippin: That's because you, my dear Knarl, *starts to nod* are highly suspected by the general Dutch community to be a vampire.
    Kindle: These nobs look all wrong. *looks at Pippin* Did you touch these?
    Pippin: Yeah, I kinda needed to-
    Kindle: (matter of factly) Well, don't. *sighs exasperatedly and moves them around*
    (Settler goes southwest. Amserdam starts a worker. Lux down to 20% for writing in 7.)

    Records found dating 1550 BC
    William: *yawns and stretches* That was a nice rest. *sees Pippin looking at him avidly* Woah, what is it Pippin?
    Pippin: Sir, I highly do not advocate your plan of indentured servitude for our empire.
    William: Just because you don't want to be one, doesn't mean that they don't.
    Pippin: ... but they don't....
    William: Ya know, this brings up a good point. Just so I won't be bothered anymore, Pippin, you've got a new task.
    Pippin: Yes?
    William: Find a good housewife. And if she's qualified enough, bring her here. She could be a servant, for all I care.
    Pippin: At ONCE, my liege. *bows his way out*
    William: Yup, he's never coming back.
    Knarl: *enters* Sir, a rather rude brutish looking warrior blocks the path of our people! They wish to settle a bit more south but cannot due to this unplanned blocking.
    William: Why don't they just go up to the warriors and settle down?
    Knarl: Didn't you know it's rude to occupy another person's settlement and even ruder to settle on another country's occupation?
    (Two more workers have joined our ranks. A Korean warrior blocks our settler advance.)

    Records found dating 1500 BC
    Knarl: *enters* Sir, another civilization!
    Kindle: *enters* Sir, another settlement!
    Pippin: *enters* Sir, another advisor!
    William: Why, religious beings, why?
    (to be continued....)

    Tribute: Yes, how fun it is to introduce 1 character a chapter. Ooh, and those italics are a pain to put up. As promised, this will have been uploaded on the last few hours of Friday.
    Janet: You said it would be Thursday if they were lucky. You shouldn't be so cheery since it's the end of Friday. Many are disappointed.
    Tribute: Well, (sarcastically) sorry for being SO happy.
    Janet: Is that a tone? (imperiously) Don't take that tone with me! *starts to hit Tribute*
    Tribute: Ow! Ow! (smaller voice) Sorry, mother. *runs off crying like a little girl*
  13. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Does nobody like this? Except for Starkow, of course? Hmm, well I guess we'll just have to continue with or without an audience.
  14. Sashie VII

    Sashie VII Balance of Power

    Apr 11, 2004
    Where people build cat statues
    You do have an audience ;)

    Keep it up. Rest assured that people are following your progress :goodjob:
  15. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Update comes on Thursday after my first 2 AP's! The short break between the next two will allow for more creative expression.

    Oops, now you know my age range....
  16. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Before time ran out on us the last time, we left William in his palace being bombarded with requests. Will he give up? Will he have a heart attack? Will it all be over? Will I lose the game? Oops, I mean, will the empire fall? *starts to sing* Abdication! It's what nation's do to fall! Abdication! After people give their all! Abdication! Maybe you can save the day! Hey! Abdication, nation, castigation, maybe I can stall!

    ... What? I wasn't stalling. Nope. I had the story prepared the whole time!

    Records found dating 1500 BC
    Knarl: *enters* Sir, another warrior!
    Kindle: *enters* Sir, another settlement!
    Pippin: *enters* Sir, another advisor!
    William: Why, religious beings, why?
    Janet: *enters* (sternly) Now, that's no tone to take, young man.
    William: Waaah! Who are you?
    Janet: (sarcastically) I'm the grim reaper!
    William: Noooo! I'm to young to die! *runs off*
    Janet: (to Pippin) Is he normally this dumb?
    Pippin: *has been staring at her* Mm hmm. Yeah, that's right.
    Knarl: *leaves and drags William back* Stop struggling you pansy!
    William: NO! Don't touch the face! Anything, but the face!
    Janet: *shouts* Relax! No one's going to hurt you. *looks around* This place is a mess! Who's the housekeeper here?
    Pippin: *raises his hand slowly* (small voice) Um, me?
    Janet: You! Dah! Stand still! *holds Pippin firmly* You really have got a thing or two to learn. Now run along, pip pip!
    Pippin: *exits looking back at Janet*
    William: *whimpers* (All look back at him.)
    Kindle: As I was saying, our old men, err... adventurous citizens have settled down.
    Janet: *crosses her arms* (coldly) That's my job! Clear out, you hooligan!
    Kindle: Hmph! *upturns her nose and leaves*
    Knarl: As I was trying to say, *lowers voice* and no one ever gets anything said around here very often, *raises voice* We met another guy. Some Brennus of the Celts.
    William: *can't take eyes off of Janet* Um, *gulps* and *sweats* what color, *peeks at Janet* are they?
    Knarl: Green, Blue, I don't know; I don't care.
    Janet: (imperiously) They had no technology?
    Knarl: I checked and they only had stupid religious burial techniques.
    Janet: Well, those "burial techniques," as you so boorishly called them, are ways to content the people. And as far as I know, *looks at William who cowers* are not happy. They are merely content. Bah! I could run this show better than all of you.
    Knarl: *exits*
    William: Hey, wait! Don't leave me here with- *exits*.
    Janet: *sighs* So cute but so stupid!
    (Note the plot point. The Hague has been founded. The Celts have been found.)

    Records found dating 1475 BC
    Pippin: I cannot believe that you made me carry you all the way here!
    William: (merrily) I know! You should be honored that you also get to carry me back!
    Pippin: *scowls*
    Janet: *has been lecturing* And on your left you can see the people who are in the city center constructing bronze axes. On this side, you can see the deer forest. Every day, in the wee hours of the night, the people go hunting. In the dark, they shoot at deer and bucks with bows and arrows. Most of the times, they miss! But if we weren't so despotic *glares at William who jumps up* maybe (slower and deeper voice) we wouldn't be wasting our potential. (rapid change to boring museum voice) Additionally, the people cut down the trees in the dark. Sometimes, they end up cutting each other up, and building their houses out of bones. Of course, (rapid change back to accusing) they wouldn't be so dumb, if it weren't for some people, William.
    William: Uh, got to go! *exits*
    Pippin: *looks at Janet* You're hot.
    Janet: (confused look) Excuse me.
    Pippin: (dumb look) You're hot.
    Janet: Yeah. *leaves*
    Pippin: Janet....
    (The Hague makes a warrior and its people work on the forested game. Science lowers for some reason to 10%)

    Records found dating 1450 BC
    William: (drunk) And then, I said, "That's cause you wear a helmet, bud!" Hahaha!
    Janet: *enters* Drunk pigs.
    William: Oh, Janet. Just the lady I wanted to see. Come, have a cuppa. Heh heh. *burps*
    Janet: *walks stiffly forwards* Um, no thanks. I just wanted to tell you.
    William: Can't it wait? Work is so, depressing.
    Janet: *slaps him* How can you say that? And you call yourself our "leader". Hmph! We need a doctor. *leaves*
    William: (wonderingly) What have I done? Kindle.
    Kindle: (drunk too) Yeah? Hee hee! What?
    William: *falls on top of her asleep*
    Kindle: Heh heh! *falls asleep on William*
    Knarl: *enters* What- the- heck? I guess I'll just write a real note now. Pictures are just so passe.
    Pippin: *enters* Hey, Knarl. *notices* Oh- my- gosh. What have you done?!
    Knarl: We met the blue Germans. Excuse me. *knocks Pippin over as he pushes him aside to exit*
    Pippin: *looks back at William and Kindle* Ewwww.
    (Writing is in, and embassies are out. Philosophy started as the Republic slingshot is unlikely. Germany found but not contacted, yet because I can. Philosophy in 21)

    Records found dating 1425 BC
    Bismark: Heh, heh, heh. Fine ladies you've got there.
    Kindle and Janet: Oh!
    William: Yeah, Kindle's a dear. *smiles*
    Knarl: Down to business, baldy.
    Bismark: What's that? Are you insinuating that I, the educated Bismark, am bald?
    Knarl: (cruelly) No, you're not bold. You're balding!
    Bismark: Am I to take this remark, oh pagan gods, from a mere baby?
    Knarl: *reacts violently* (louder per word) What *seizes Bismark's throat* did- you- call- me?
    Bismark: Gack! Ack!
    Kindle: No, Knarl! You can't do that! You'll damage your precious hands! Let me! *pulls Knarl off and starts to strangle Bismark*
    Bismark: *flails his arms*
    Kindle: You're going to pay for insulting my Knarl.
    Bismark: (chokingly to Bismark) You've, ack, got a girlfriend?
    Knarl: (to Bismark) She's not my girlfriend.
    Pippin: Yes, she is Knarl.
    Janet: Stay out of this, Pippin. *pulls Kindle off who struggles*
    Bismark: *gasps for breath*
    William: *enters*
    Knarl: Hey! Where have you been?
    William: I've been looking at the horses. They've got some great riding lessons here. Maybe I could be a horseman.
    Janet: (loudly) I'd rather be a Norseman!
    Pippin: You're hot.
    Bismark: I am now annoyed at you all.
    Knarl: Well, personally, I would be furious.
    Bismark: Don't push it.
    Knarl: So, here's a contract. Sign here.
    Bismark: What? I don't know these symbols! What do they mean?
    Janet: (in her annoying voice) You mean to say that "the educated Bismark" does not know how to read?
    Bismark: *scowls* Fine! Your alphabet should be taught to me. I'll give you your horseback riding lessons in exchange.
    William: And we'll even throw in an extra bunch of gold to you!
    Knarl: I know Pippin's supposed to say this, but he's too busy gaping at Janet.: "But sir!"
    William: No "but"s Pippin, err... Knarl. Now, Janet. You've got to learn to be more patient. Pippin's not going to hurt you.
    Janet: *eyes Pippin* (slowly) No. You're right.
    William: Well, then, let's go to Norseland! We can show them our horseman skills.
    Pippin: *snaps out of his thoughts on Janet* But sir! What about the lessons you haven't taken?
    William: I'm sure it should be fine.
    Pippin: What if you break your-
    Knarl: (to Pippin quietly) It'd all be for the better wouldn't it?
    William: *whispers and leans towards the two* What would?
    Bismark: (to Janet) How do you put up with them?
    Janet: Same as you put up with Knarl. Ignore them and focus on the job.
    Bismark: I know where I'd like to focus my job.
    Janet: *slaps him* Ugh! Men are so superficial it's disgusting!
    William: Well, you're sure you guys won't tell me what that was about? Well then, let's go! Kindle, you can go back to The Hague. *teleports with others*
    Janet: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *farts* *blushes*
    Bismark: I can smell that.
    Janet: Smell what? *teleports*
    Ragnar: What ho! A foe?
    William: I told you not to call me that!
    Ragnar: So? Get any coal?
    William: No, old man. I got a horse for Winter Holidays, thank you very much.
    Ragnar: Ho ho ho! Well, you were on the baddie list for sure... you stole it?
    Knarl: Very good, Norsy boy.
    Ragnar: What? You're such a cute little-
    Kindle: (meanwhile) Ok, axes over here. And warrior molds over there. That's everything, right?
    Citizen: Yes, the mold for the warriors are hot. So be careful.
    Kindle: I don't really understand. You put the people who join the army in the warrior molds.
    Citizen: Right. And then we put them on those racks. Once they're cool enough, they go in the refrigerator overnight to harden.
    Kindle: Oh, well that explains it.
    Knarl: Why you fat, old-
    Pippin: No, Knarl! Calling people illegitimate children is rude even if they really are.
    William: (as if he were commenting) Ooh, the burn! Surely, now Ragnar Lodbrock repents his words enough to trade with us.
    Janet: I've never liked Norsemen. Look at them, those women are forced to slave over everything. *crosses her arms* Men.
    Ragnar: Now, now. Um, wait, who're you?
    William: This is Janet, the housekeeper. Bit of a smart-
    Janet: Domestic advisor actually. And no, my butt is not smart. *turns red*
    William: She's gonna blow.
    Janet: No, I'm not!
    William: Yes, she is!
    Pippin: *mouth waters* Janet....
    Knarl: *starts to unclothe Pippin*
    Pippin: *realizes* Stop that!
    Knarl: *makes a face and exits*
    Janet: Hmm....
    Knarl: Ok, got the scrolls.
    William: ... And that is how I rode my first horse.
    Ragnar: I wanna be a Norsy horsy!
    William: Here you go! *hands him a scroll*
    Knarl: Let's go! We've got their scrolls! Something about counting and that burying thingy.
    Kindle: (meanwhile) *sneezes*
    Citizen: What is it, dame Kindle?
    Kindle: Nothing, it's just I had a feeling... of eating cucumbers.
    Citizen: Well, I had a feeling of being encumbered. Tell me why-
    William: (Pippin carries him) I can't sleep all of the time! There's something there that-
    Ragnar: Get back here!
    Knarl: Santy Claus ain't comin' to town! But Brennus the menace will! *they teleport out*
    Brennus: You wanna fight! I'm here! Come at me!
    Knarl: Uh, no. Just no. *shakes head*
    William: (still on Pippin) I don't get it.
    Pippin: Ow, my back.
    Janet: This looks like no fun. Brennus the Menace, eh? Typical of such brutes as men! *teleports*
    Pippin: Ah, wait Janet! *teleports*
    William: *falls* Say. Do you want my riding lessons? The Germans have taught me well.
    Brennus: The who? Sounds dirty.
    Knarl: Just give us your mystical powers and we'll give you ours.
    Brennus: But I don't wanna do that.
    Knarl: Now!
    Brennus: *lowers voice* Everyone knows mystical powers don't exist.
    William: Hmm?
    Brennus: *makes weird noises* Oooooooh, weeeeeeeeoooooh! *eyes roll* Your last image has just been deleted.
    Tribute: Hey!
    (Alphabet to Germans with 25 g for Horseback Riding. Vikings get Horseback Riding for Ceremonial Burial and Mathematics and 6g. Brennus the Menace gets Alphabet for Mysticism. The technology isn't so bad to get after all. We are now the most advanced of those we know.)

    Tribute: So who did Janet send a letter to? Will he/she come? Find out next time on, the Weakest- err, William The Slacker. Oh, and if you would like links to each update on the first post. Respond "Yes" or "Yes, please" to this thread.
    Janet: Just so you know, you lazy forum readers, it's a male doctor. Now clean your room! You too, Tribute.
    Tribute: Yes, muzzer.
    Janet: (louder on "that") What's that?
    ???: Did a homosapien order a cleric?
  17. Sashie VII

    Sashie VII Balance of Power

    Apr 11, 2004
    Where people build cat statues
  18. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Another Update Today. I guess I'll get to the linkin' during the update.
  19. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    Who's that ??? character? And aren't clerics female? Is this a planned oddity? Find out on the fifth installment of William of Slacker! ... I need a raise.

    Records found dating The End of 1425 BC
    Nobel: Did a homosapien order a cleric?
    Janet: You're the doctor? I expected better of you.
    Nobel: Allow Doc-tor Nobel to introduce himself to you. He is the Doc-tor Nobel, victor of the Nobel reward.
    Janet: Where's Doc-tor Nobel?
    Nobel: He is in front of you.
    Janet: Where???
    Nobel: He looks into your iris flowers and communicates to you. Surely you are pressed by his extraunordinary mentality?
    Janet: You do not make any sense. *leaves*
    Nobel: Wait! He lusts you! *follows*

    Records found dating 1400 BC
    Knarl: William! I thought I told you to be more careful!
    William: What is it Knarl?
    Knarl: *looks at Pippin who is fanning William and feeding him gummi bears* Bismark the Bald is not pleased with our recent incursion into their territory.
    William: What does "incursion" mean?
    Nobel: *pops in* "Incursion" means the act of incurring. Instead of concurring, you're incurring. It means you go, uh- *falls asleep*
    William: I'm confused. I'm not concurring. So I disagree? "Our little disagreement into their territory"?
    Knarl: It means we were in their territory. We trespassed! Don't let it happen again!
    Nobel: *wakes up* go into a cur. A cur is a cat.
    Knarl: Um, it's a dog.
    Nobel: Why do you insist on yammering about? I've no time to argue with babies! Research, research-
    Knarl: Die! *yanks Nobel and throws him onto Pippin, William flees*
    Pippin: (muffled as he is underneath Nobel) Ow!
    Knarl: *pounces onto Nobel*
    Pippin: Agh!
    Nobel: Ah, no! Not his cerebral cortex. You're masticating his cerebral cortex! Now you're sucking his medulla oblongata!!!
    Janet: *enters and yells* STOP!!! *everyone freezes* Here you can see the man in his natural habitat. They hit each other. They enslave one another. They play tackling sports. They take advantage of women when they can! They take advantage of each other when alone! (pause) Okay, you can start again.
    Nobel: I say, you're not allowing sufficient years for my little plates to spread.
    Knarl: (blood drips down from his mouth) *takes another bite*
    Janet: *pulls Knarl off and slaps him*
    Knarl: Nng. *leaves*
    Janet: *pulls Nobel off and slaps him*
    Nobel: Ow. His agony! *leaves*
    Janet: *picks up Pippin and slaps him*
    Pippin: What did I do?
    Janet: You're too cute. That's what. *kisses him*
    (Nothing really happens. Just a warrior is going to be created next turn. And Germany got angry when I trespassed. Ah well.)

    Records found dating 1375 BC
    William: Ooh, look at this Pippin!
    Pippin: What is it, sir?
    William: I, well, I've gotten a board last Winter Holidays.
    Pippin: Oh, yeah! That weird thingy. Did you figure out how to work it?
    William: Not really. Doc-tor Nobel gave it a look, but....
    Pippin: Hmm. Well, what about it?
    William: Something new popped up. It looks like a rudely dressed man in rags. And he's holding some sort of-
    Janet: *enters* Aha! I knew you didn't pay attention to my speech a while ago.
    William: Oh the one where, um, almost got it, uh, nope, I lost it.
    Janet: That's a warrior that you just described. Apparently, that board shows our empire and the people within.
    William: Oh. But what can it do?
    Janet: Well, nothing so far. We kinda need some sort of military advisor.
    William: Maybe one will just pop up!
    Janet: *mimics* Maybe one will just pop up! Like that will ever happen.
    Knarl: *enters* Sir, someone has wandered up to our borders.
    Janet: *looks at Pippin* I'll take control of the board.
    Pippin: Yeah, let Janet do it. Please, sir!
    William: Well, ok-
    Kindle: *enters* Now where has the little devil gotten to. *spots Knarl* Oh there he is!
    Knarl: Agh, not her again. *grabs William and teleports*
    Kindle: Hmph. I'm not going to stay here with you lowlifes. *teleports*
    Nobel: Eh? What's this rubbish? A new civilized nation? Ha! Let them quail in triumph!
    Janet: "quail in triumph" What kinda (exaggeratedly) freak would cower and be in triumph at the same time.
    Pippin: *sighs* You're hot.
    Janet: I know cutey. *hugs Pippin* He's not just a servant. He's my servant.
    William: *teleports back* Well, you know that that's not completely true.
    Janet: *slaps him* Yeah?
    William: (smaller voice) Okay, I got it. *teleports back*
    Abe: (singing) Money, money, money, MO-NAY! MO-NAY! Some people get the...
    Knarl: You done yet?
    William: Yeah, my ears.
    Knarl: Well, I suppose you've got nothing valuable to us. So we're just going to go.
    Abe: *stops singing* Rush, rush, rush. No time to waste. *exits*
    Knarl: What a freak. *teleports*
    William: Ye-ea-ea-ah. *teleports*
    (Met Abraham of the Americans. 2 gold 5 cities and no techs that I don't have. Warrior fortifies.)

    Records found dating 1325 BC
    Kindle: *enters* William!
    William: Oh, what is it now. I just got into hibernation mode. We've been so busy the last few days. What with Doc-tor Nobel arriving and Janet wanting to leave, I wanna go back to bed!
    Kindle: Well, this'll put you back to bed for sure. The other nations have started to build great buildings that'll make them SO much more appealing than we are! Isn't it romantic?
    William: So?
    Kindle: Well, I want to be the most attractive one of all. I'd say it suits me, doesn't it?
    William: (hinting) I'd say so.
    Kindle: Pssh, you're just saying that!
    Wiliam: Nope. I'm not just saying that.
    Pippin: *nods* He's just saying that.
    Kindle: Stay outta this, runt! *leaves*
    Pippin: Or maybe she could leave....
    (People are building wonders! How much culture do they have? How big are they?)

    Records found dating 1300 BC
    Janet: William. I've got a suggestion.
    William: You have my approval. Just get don't hurt me. Now, Nobel what were you saying?
    Nobel: Nobel's theory is that life is for happiness.
    William: I think it's about rest and gummi bears. I love gummi bears.
    Nobel: He theories that life is for the sensual fulfillment one can receive. *looks at Janet*
    Janet: *slaps him* Pervert! *moves to the board*
    William: Hmm? You don't know how to use that!
    Janet: All done! I've slowed our growth. And just so Doc-tor Nobel won't bother me. I've made a scientist.
    William: What? Are you crazy? Do you know what happens to people who don't produce babies at a decent rate?
    Janet: Let's see. No.
    William: I don't know either. Nobel?
    Nobel: ... *leaves*
    Janet: What's gotten into him?
    (Edit Amsterdam for same shield production. One scientist. If granary, before growth, 10 free food is stored.)

    Records found dating 1275 BC
    Janet: A shame, a shame, a sham....
    Pippin: What is it, Janet? *sits*
    Janet: Oh! Pippin, it's just you. (pause)
    Pippin: Well? I thought you were going to spill a dark secret to me.
    Janet: Right, um, I think I hurt Doctor Nobel's feelings.
    Pippin: Is that all? Cheer up! We can get together after the chores. *stands*
    Janet: No, that's not it. *Pippin sits down* It's just. We're losing money.
    Pippin: So? We've got plenty of money! *stands*
    Janet: That's not it either. *Pippin starts to bounce up and down* Sit down, Pippin! *sits Pippin down* Now listen closely. We're going to have to reduce our scientific output due to my mistake. We might fall behind in technology! And it's all my fault! *starts to cry*
    Pippin: (comforting) There, there now. I wonder what Knarl would do in a time like this.
    Knarl: (meanwhile) (angry) What did you call me, you Indian?
    Kindle: No, Knarl! *holds onto his arms*
    Montezuma: Actually, that's American Indian.
    Knarl: I'll call you whatever I want you, you ripper outer of hearts! Let me go, Kindle!
    Kindle: Never! You're too cute to injure yourself.
    Montezuma: Moving along. Er, William. Stop drinking that! That's our ceremonial cacao.
    William: *continues drinking* Your (some splashes on the floor) what? *spits some out on accident*
    Montezuma: We Aztecs have chosen not only to eat up the Mayan race but to take its ceremonial cacao and pray to the war gods for aid in war.
    William: I really should be writing this down. *takes out a feather pen, ink jar, and paper*
    Knarl: Let go of me! *teleports with Kindle around the room*
    Kindle: Ne- *teleports* ver! *teleports* You- *teleports* are-
    Montezuma: ... and then we demand tribute from those we conquer as well as fighters so that we can conquer other tribes.
    William: I see. So what do you do with the babies.
    Montezuma: The babies?
    William: Yeah, you know. You didn't mention anything about the babies.
    Montezuma: ...
    William: Well?
    Montezuma: We eat them. And pour their running blood into the ceremonial cacao.
    William: *takes another swig* What's that?
    Kindle: *teleports into Montezuma* too cu-aagh! *falls*
    William: *finishes off the drink* Well, that's that. Let's go, Knarl. You too Kindle.
    Knarl: I'm not done yet.
    William: No time for fuss; let's go! *teleports*
    Kindle: After you, sweetie!
    Knarl: Grr. *teleports*
    Kindle: Bye, baby eater!
    Montezuma: *throws up* Ooh, that baby didn't go down well.
    (Met Montezuma. Adjust sliders for the granary upkeep.)

    Records found dating 1250 BC
    Pippin: Party time!
    William: Yay, gummi bears!
    Janet: Ugh, male festivities. How barbaric!
    Kindle: Come on, Knarl! Let's go to the seat of loooove. Eh, what are you doing?
    Knarl: *pouring something into the punchbowl* Nothing.
    Nobel: *takes a drink* Say, Doc-tor Nobel thinks this liquid emits a bitter sense for the tongue like the juices that can be squashed from almonds. *passes out*
    (Amsterdam has reached a population peak of 6. Growth in 2. Would've been 1 if the irragtion had finished in 1 turn instead of 2. What a waste!)

    Tribute: Lalala. Done with 1225 BC, and who're you!?
    ???: Wanna fight? My steel shall clash with yours and when the dust settles the women will glorify me as he who struck down the-
    Tribute: All right. Let's go. I'm the author after all.
    (A few seconds pass)
    ???: Aghhh! *runs off*
    Tribute: (to audience in a neutral voice) What? I haven't done anything yet. On another note. Please give me ideas if you have any through PM. Please oh please! We're only on turn 71 or so with 5 updates!!! And that's all I've got to say. ...
    ???: Aghhh! *runs past*
    Tribute: Right.
  20. Tribute

    Tribute Not Sarcastic

    May 4, 2005
    Pacific Time Zone
    ... okay. Serious doubts are starting to grow in my mind. Anyway, an update will occur tomorrow afternoon, I believe.

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