The first league matches I’ve got are against Arsenal and then Chelsea, so it’s not like I feel I’m being thrown at the wolves or anything. ‘Cos I’m managing the Wolves. Little football-based humour for you there. Ha ha and all those other noises.
Arsene Wenger, manager of Arsenal, comes out in full support of my upcoming difficulties.
That’s lovely, Wenger. I’ll be sure to keep a copy of that quote hung above my desk at the office. I like to think that, instead of a thinly-veiled insult against my team, he’s actually saying he doesn’t think he’s that great a manager, and that he envies my confidence.
Sigh, yeah. Or my imagination.
The match itself goes about as much as you would expect in an away game versus Arsenal, with Wolverhampton losing possession at every opportunity, having no chances on the opposing goal and utterly preventing Arsenal from scoring. Wait...what?
So as it turns out the lads can put up a pretty solid defence if they want to and Hennessey proves to be a bloody good keeper, acrobatically turning away any shot on goal by the Gunners. Arsenal just gets bogged down and each of their attacks simply melt away. It’s a beautiful defensive play by Wolves, though I have very little memory of it, succumbing as I was to a nervous breakdown. It’s difficult to remain calm when there’s twenty minutes left on the clock and you’re trying not to think about the possibility you might come out of this match with a needed draw. Not that the ref was much help...
IT’S THREE MINUTES INJURY TIME, REF, NOT FOUR, NOT FIVE, NOT FIVE AND A BLEEDIN’ HALF! GET YOUR WATCH SORTED!
It was a tense draw, and a harsh reintroduction into competitive matches. But it brings some hope that maybe I have what it takes. Maybe I shouldn’t settle for a relegation battle – I can clearly hold off the big teams and, while there was a bit of luck involved, it came down to my tactics and my players dedication. I begin to think about the possibility of finishing in the top half of the league.
And then I get soundly beaten by Chelsea then Ipswich, and I remember I’m bloody Wolverhampton.
Oh shut up and go back to Suffolk
Shortly after the Ipswich match I get a phonecall from Rufus “Subi” Firefly informing me that he got about a dozen goals in his match, and how did I do and am I still in the League Cup. In retrospect I probably could have replied with less colourful imagery regarding exactly where he could place the League Cup, but I was a bit cross at the time.
The following matches aren’t so bad. Employing the same defensive strategy we used against Arsenal against an uninterested Everton would have resulted in a satisfactory draw, but when Stephen Fletcher is brought down by a horrific tackle by an unsporting Everton defender we’re awarded a penalty, which is duly converted. Win for Wolves!
Newcastle isn’t that great, and neither is the match. We go into the game hoping to get a win, or at worst a draw with a few goals, and instead get a back-and-forth game of footie where no-one seems willing to score a goal. It’s a bit of a worrying effort on our part.
It’s not a bad start to the season, considering who we were up against. Ipswich and Newcastle are our only disappointments, and the next three teams should be more relaxing than the previous lot. Or would be, if not for which team we’re playing next:
I WILL BREAK YOU, FIREFLY!
