100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard

[Chain n' Axe]

Lets try to put 100 of the funniest thigs you can put on your answering machine.
I can't think of any thing so somebody else start off, and links to web sites are ok.

 

[Lord_all_Mighty]

" OH MY GOD PUT THE GUN DOWN! PLEASE PUT IT DOWN! BOOM!!!" *beep*

 

[Bose]

You have reached the home of Tarzan. Sorry i can't answer the phone right now, please leave a message after the AAAHHHHHHAAHHHHHHAAHHHHHHHH

 

[Judge_Deadd]

-Leave a short signal after you hear the message.

-John, answer the phone!
-I can't!
-Mike, answer the phone!
-Shut up!
-Paul, answer the phone!
-I'm just leaving! (door slam)
-Robert, answer the phone! Oops, I am Robert! But I'm away now. See? You have to record a message...

-You have just reached Browns. We're arguing right now. Record a message: when we'll finish, the one that didn't move out to his/her mother will call you.

-Hello, here's Iraq Army HQ. We are out because we want to conquer the USA. When Yankees will kick our butts again, we'll call you.

 

[CivCube]

- Hello, you have reached the home of Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Who does not live here. No one lives here! This is all a big lie presented to you by the American infidels. You're not calling this number! Please leave a message after the beep, which by the way does not exist.

- HEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH *click*

 

[puglover]

 

[.:KNAS:.]

"Seinfeld" - Georges answering machines message anyone?

 

[Zcylen]

you guys are killing me, I feel like I want to buy an answering machin ASAP!

 

[Siegmund]

Any of you read Doug Hofstadter's Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid? If so, you'll understand the message I actually put on my office voice mailbox:

"Your message has just been sent to Tumbolia, the land of dead hiccups and burnt-out light bulbs. Have a nice day."

 

[WillJ]

Hello, you have reached the [enter your name here] residence. Please leave your message after the beep. [About a minute passes, no beep. The person decides to leave their message. Hopefully a particularly long one.] *beep*


Ohhhhhh, yes. Oh, yeah! Uh huh, ohhhhhh yeah... Ooohhh... Oh my God, is that thing recording? *beep*


If you are trying to reach [your phone number here], please stop. I don't like people calling me. I don't like people at all, really. If you have any will to survive, please do not decide to call me back. Thank you.


[Only if you don't live in a German-speaking place]: STOPPEN SIE, MICH, SIE ANZURUFEN DUMME LAUNE! ICH MAG SIE NICHT! GEHEN SIE ZUR HÖLLE! OH- UND VERLASSEN IHRE ANZEIGE NACH DEM SIGNALTON. *beep*

 

[K-Man]

*singing*
Believe it or not George isn't at home,
So leave a message at the beep.
I must be out or I'd pick up the phone,
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not Home!!!!

 

[tonberry]

Hello? Yes, yes, okay, okay, yes, wait a minute... bip!

 

[allhailIndia]

"You have reached the residence of ..... currently we are out hunting other people to cook and fry for dinner. Please leave your phone number and address and we will get back to you."

 

[bige2002]

"Hello?.... Wait, i can't hear you.... just a second.... BEEP

 

[puglover]

One of Dad's friends had an answering machine that said...

Hello? * you start saying message* Oh yeah! I'm not here! Please leave a message. *beep*

 

[cromagnon]

"You know what to do."

 

[taper]

We used this one in my college dorm room this year:

You have reached the room of Matt and Brad. I am busy throwing Brad out the window (scream, quickly diminishing), so please leave a message.

We had to try about 6 times before we didn't laugh while making it. Our RA came in and asked if everything was alright from my screaming.

 

[WillJ]

"Oh my God, the ringing, THE RINGING! Please, STOP THE RINGING!!! AAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!!!!" *beep*

 

[Irish Caesar]

A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.

So leave a message.

*beep*

 

[YNCS]

I don't feel like answering the phone right now. If you leave a message maybe I'll get back to you...or maybe I won't. If you don't hear from me in 72 hours, I decided not to return your call.