100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard

[Globber]

"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Haha, just joking, leave a message noob"
*beep*

 

[Gobbledeygook]

Sing this song: to the tune of 'the candyman'

What kind of worthless people,
Would fill the world with gloom,
Then run off to a cave
Because they know their ass is doomed?

The taliban
ooo The taliban can *beep*

 

[widdowmaker]

"Hello this is (insert freinds name here) your good buddy (insert your name) is wanking it to porn. He will be done shortly. Please leave a message after the OH GOD (INSEERT YOUR NAME HERE) PUT IT AWAY PUT IT AWAY!!! AHHHH!!!! *beep*

 

[Fr8monkey]

I actually have this on my cell phone:
Hello. You have reached 'My name's' cell phone. I am at home right now, so at the beep leave a message. When I get back to my car, I will return your call. *BEEP*

 

[Suppersalmon]

Hello you have reached Double glazing windows Inc and your number has been added to our database so you can now take addvantage of our special offers a sales rep will call you shortly

 

[Judge_Deadd]

Good morning, this is Smith. I have just killed everyone that were recorded on my answering machine and I'm sleeping now. When I'll wake up I'll check the answering machine again...

 

[Crowpocalyptic1]

I don't remember who had it, but it was taken from the south park movie when Big Gay Al sings "I'm Super, Thanks for Asking"... It goes from the start all the way till he says "but how are you?" then it beeps...

 

[MrPresident]

Leave a message after the beep. Unless you're that no good stupid son-of-a-*beep*.

 

[Japanrocks12]

i am watching you closely,
one false move and
*beep*
oh sorry i was talking to barney

 

[WillJ]

I am good.
I am great.
I may have reached the phone too late.
Maybe I have a date.
Whatever the case,
Please end your call now in haste.
If you leave a message,
Here's a presage:
I'll pump your head full of lead.
So if you don't like being dead,
Please go back to bed without a peep
And say nothing after the beep.
*beep*

(Made it up myself )

 

[TrailblazingScot]

Unfortuantly when I worked in Estate Agency I got too many crap answering machines...daft voices, incomprehensible voices and just the down right scarey!

 

[CivCynic]

Nice one WillJ!


"Hello! You have reached the home of Fat B. Leave a message after the burp. I will get back to you when I'm done eating. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! *burp*"

Fat B is never done eating though!

 

[WillJ]

Here's some good ones:

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads4/ansmachines.zip

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads4/ansmachines2.zip

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads4/ansmachines3.zip

http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads4/ansmachines4.zip

 

[Penguin Glory]

-Please leave a tone after the message.
-Hello, I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza with extra anchovies... WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T THE PIZZA PARLOR! YOU LIED TO ME, YOU LIED! WHY YOU (insert random profanities)! *beep*

more later

 

[polymath]

I used to have one I made up myself:

"I'm a busy man so make it quick! You know the routine!" BEEP.

 

[WillJ]

"Hello, you have reached the Society of Long and Tiresome Multiple-Choice Tests. If you have a question, please press 1. If you are dissastisfied with something, please press 2. If you would like to press 3, press 3. If this message is annoying you, press 4. If you meant to call someone else, press 5, but do NOT call that person; instead, order something from one of our dial-up catalogs. To order something, press 6. To press 7, put your finger on the number 7 on your phone and push down on it. To make me shut up, press 8. If I'm still talking, press 9 nine times. If you press it too many times this tape will explode. We don't want that, now do we? If you do want that, press 10. If your phone doesn't have a 10 button, press 11. If you're getting tired of this, press 3. No wait, that's already taken... Hmm... Well, go ahead and press 3 anyway. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, and if you are completely confused right now, please press all of the above. If you are very lonely and have nothing better to do but talk to recordings, please leave a brief message." *beep*

 

[Inter4]

Mine once said:
´´hello???.....hellloooooo????....HELLLOOOO????...I CAN´T HEAR YOU!!!!´´

My friends got pissed at me so I changed it

EDIT: The other one I had for awhile siad:
´´I´m busy right now´´
(after a few seconds you heard the toilet flushing)

 

[Eastern Knight]

"Hi, you've just reached <Insert Name Here>'s residence, to leave a message, please answer the following questions first."
"Name?" Beep
"Address?" Beep
Thank you for providing us with your information, congratulations, you now have a chance of 100% of being burglarized and ransacked by the anonymous telephone bandit, if you want to leave a message, please say something after the beep."
....................... beep.

 

[AlmightyFjord]

Make a normal one, like "yaddayaddayadda, leave message after the random noise yadda" And then breath heavily into the phone for at LEAST a minute. *BEEP*

 

[The Sims]

just for a laugh i changed the answer machine message on my mates mobile phone.

It was just a toilet flushing
and he still doesn't know i changed it

Hee hee