Nerowannabe
Warlord
This thread is inspired by a 7 year old thread I bumped 
. Most of these jokes aren't written by me.Enjoy and I hope this doesn't end up like the other post.
1.Accidentally" get stuck in one of the frozen food doors.Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
2.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3.Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
4.Around Christmas time, start caroling. Ask for money from the listeners.
5.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
6.Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
7.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
8.Ask Someone if they know were they sell little babies!
9.Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
10.Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell "ye-haw!"
11.Buy chrome hubcaps and put them on in the parking lot
12.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
13.Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
14.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
15.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
16.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
17.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
18.Dress as a Jedi and randomly tell other shoppers in you're best Yoda voice,"May the force be with you".
19.Everytime you walk out the door (or try waiting by the door for others to walk out), make a dinging noise then say mechanically "We're sorry. You have activated the Wal Mart inventory control service. Please step back and a Wal Mart associate will help you. Thank you."
20.Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
21.Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
22.Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
23.Try on bras over top of your clothes.
24.Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
25.Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
26.Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible) .
27.Get a group of friends together and take lawn chairs from the display then rewind the movie playing on the display TV in electronics, sit down and watch the entire thing.
28.Get one of those fake dogs that barks/sings, place it on the ground in front of a group of people and press the button to make it sing/bark. Then proceed to bark and growl like you are going to attack it
29.Go into the dressing room and yell real loud... “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”
30.Go to the express lane and get an item, and say "wait, I forgot something, and keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say "thanks, I forgot how much this costs," and walk away.
31.Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute the throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case when an attendant asks u what u are doing tell him your trying to change the game.
32.Go up to a guy and start crying saying I finally found you mommy! And see what he does!
33.Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.
34.Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do! (I know it will work I did it.)
35.Have a couple of friends go with you and dress up as power rangers. Battle the invisible enemy and tell shoppers to stand back.
36.Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “Pick me! Pick me!!”
37.Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a ball and yell "Pikachu I choose you!"
38.Hold indoor shopping cart races.
39.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
40.Joust with the electronic assist carts and wrapping paper (they usually won't throw you out)
41.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
42.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
43.Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
44.Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.
45.Make farting noises as you walk by someone.
46.Make the entire auto department smell by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
47.Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
48.Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
49.Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
50.Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say...“Oh that's me, I've got to go. Thank you.”
51.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
52.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
53.Play with the automatic doors.
54.Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
55.Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section.
56.Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
57.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
58."Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
59.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
60.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
61.Run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
62.Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
63.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
64.Set up like ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut..
65.Walk up to a person and say I'm the FBI and I heard that you have been shopelifting and we need to check you.
There you have it add as many as you can!
I've edited some and took some out.
. Most of these jokes aren't written by me.Enjoy and I hope this doesn't end up like the other post.1.Accidentally" get stuck in one of the frozen food doors.Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
2.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3.Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
4.Around Christmas time, start caroling. Ask for money from the listeners.
5.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
6.Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
7.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
8.Ask Someone if they know were they sell little babies!
9.Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
10.Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell "ye-haw!"
11.Buy chrome hubcaps and put them on in the parking lot
12.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
13.Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
14.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
15.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
16.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
17.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
18.Dress as a Jedi and randomly tell other shoppers in you're best Yoda voice,"May the force be with you".
19.Everytime you walk out the door (or try waiting by the door for others to walk out), make a dinging noise then say mechanically "We're sorry. You have activated the Wal Mart inventory control service. Please step back and a Wal Mart associate will help you. Thank you."
20.Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
21.Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
22.Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
23.Try on bras over top of your clothes.
24.Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
25.Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
26.Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible) .
27.Get a group of friends together and take lawn chairs from the display then rewind the movie playing on the display TV in electronics, sit down and watch the entire thing.
28.Get one of those fake dogs that barks/sings, place it on the ground in front of a group of people and press the button to make it sing/bark. Then proceed to bark and growl like you are going to attack it
29.Go into the dressing room and yell real loud... “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”
30.Go to the express lane and get an item, and say "wait, I forgot something, and keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say "thanks, I forgot how much this costs," and walk away.
31.Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute the throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case when an attendant asks u what u are doing tell him your trying to change the game.
32.Go up to a guy and start crying saying I finally found you mommy! And see what he does!
33.Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.
34.Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do! (I know it will work I did it.)
35.Have a couple of friends go with you and dress up as power rangers. Battle the invisible enemy and tell shoppers to stand back.
36.Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “Pick me! Pick me!!”
37.Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a ball and yell "Pikachu I choose you!"
38.Hold indoor shopping cart races.
39.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
40.Joust with the electronic assist carts and wrapping paper (they usually won't throw you out)
41.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
42.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
43.Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
44.Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.
45.Make farting noises as you walk by someone.
46.Make the entire auto department smell by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
47.Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
48.Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
49.Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
50.Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say...“Oh that's me, I've got to go. Thank you.”
51.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
52.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
53.Play with the automatic doors.
54.Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
55.Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section.
56.Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
57.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
58."Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
59.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
60.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
61.Run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
62.Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
63.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
64.Set up like ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut..
65.Walk up to a person and say I'm the FBI and I heard that you have been shopelifting and we need to check you.
There you have it add as many as you can!
I've edited some and took some out.
