Caesar of Bread
Trans Gordon Ramsay
2037, a laboratory in Illinois. NASA has been testing out time travel for almost a decade now. Professor Robert Chron had walked into the laboratories and decided on his next plan. Alexander the Great was in one container, and saw Robert. Robert managed to wave to the general. When Alexander the Great had came to the lab, he fell in love with grunge (Nirvana, Allison Chains, Stone Temple Pilots), so that’s why he usually sits in the back with headphones on.
Robert went to the center, where the “collider” was. He found Lissy Kawolski there (her first name is Elizabeth, she just goes with Lissy). Elizabeth saw Robert enter. They were the first two in the lab, and live in the same apartment. “Hey Lissy. Mind if we talk?” Robert questioned her with a shy voice. Kawolski agreed, and replied, “Hey, I was thinking: what if we created the ultimate band in history? Elvis or John Lennon (maybe Whitney Houston or Kurt Cobain) as the lead singer, Jimi Hendrix on the guitar, Beethoven or Chopin on piano, Miles Davis on whatever he played, someone on base…” Robert answered, “I have taught Beethoven English (as with all the other historical figures I needed to teach English to - Genghis Khan was a hard one to tackle, while Justinian helped me teach Alexander), but let’s try that!”
It ended up like the Beatles. Envy and greed got the best of the group. Lissy and Robert shook their heads as Elvis smacked his guitar onto Beethoven’s forehead, causing Ludwig to start shouting bad words in German. The great generals watched from their windows as Elvis and Beethoven got in a fistfight. “That was bad. How about we try the great generals on an AI scenario?” Robert asked. The two got Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Douglas MacArthur, Tokugawa Ieyasu Frederick the Great, Ramses, Shaka Zulu, and Zheng He all together for an amphibious invasion.
Nobody got killed, thankfully. McArthur was the first to be eliminated from the scenario, as he went rouge and caused his boat to sink. All else besides Zheng He, Genghis Khan, and Alexander were taken out of the scenario by machine gun nests. Admiral Zheng He stayed on the boat and decided to continue bombarding the coast. He too was defeated. Alexander the Great returned to the artificial beach to see Tokugawa. The two took out one nest, but Tokugawa Ieyasu was taken out of the fight. Alexander also was defeated. Robert shook his head in shame.
Then came the great statesmen. Cyrus, Bismarck, Justinian, Ataturk, Kofi Annan, Elizabeth I, Gandhi, Hammurabi, Wu Zetian, Abraham Lincoln, Tecumseh, and Pachacuti were all ready to debate over a simulated international crisis. Again, it ended with chaos. Bismarck was too busy switching sides all the time. Justinian and Tecumseh formed a bloc against Cyrus and Lincoln, causing Abraham to panic. Oh yeah, and Gandhi hit the nuclear weapon button that was supposed to end the scenario. Robert couldn’t believe that even outside of a game of Civilization Mahatma Gandhi could be a nuclear warlord.
Great philosophers were next - Socrates, Nietzche, Solomon (Ecclesiastes made him in this round), Confucius, Marx, Lenin, Martin Luther, Thomas Aquinas, Marcus Aurelius, so on… that led to the question if God is all-powerful AND dead at the same time. Mary Shelly, William Shakespeare, Murasaki Shibuki, Dante, Jane Austen, Tennessee Williams, and the other writers had a book-club meeting gone wrong. Einstein, Curie, and the scientists accidentally set off a fake nuclear bomb off. The plan had failed. Finally, Robert came up to Lissie.
“Hey, Elizabeth, I’ve been meaning to ask you this question. Could we make the perfect team…together?” Elizabeth Kawolski looked into Robert Chron’s eyes. “Yes!” answered Kawolski as the two hugged. Robert smiled.
“You ain’t nothing but a hound dog, Ludwig!”
“That’s it. Fur Elise!”
Robert went to the center, where the “collider” was. He found Lissy Kawolski there (her first name is Elizabeth, she just goes with Lissy). Elizabeth saw Robert enter. They were the first two in the lab, and live in the same apartment. “Hey Lissy. Mind if we talk?” Robert questioned her with a shy voice. Kawolski agreed, and replied, “Hey, I was thinking: what if we created the ultimate band in history? Elvis or John Lennon (maybe Whitney Houston or Kurt Cobain) as the lead singer, Jimi Hendrix on the guitar, Beethoven or Chopin on piano, Miles Davis on whatever he played, someone on base…” Robert answered, “I have taught Beethoven English (as with all the other historical figures I needed to teach English to - Genghis Khan was a hard one to tackle, while Justinian helped me teach Alexander), but let’s try that!”
It ended up like the Beatles. Envy and greed got the best of the group. Lissy and Robert shook their heads as Elvis smacked his guitar onto Beethoven’s forehead, causing Ludwig to start shouting bad words in German. The great generals watched from their windows as Elvis and Beethoven got in a fistfight. “That was bad. How about we try the great generals on an AI scenario?” Robert asked. The two got Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Douglas MacArthur, Tokugawa Ieyasu Frederick the Great, Ramses, Shaka Zulu, and Zheng He all together for an amphibious invasion.
Nobody got killed, thankfully. McArthur was the first to be eliminated from the scenario, as he went rouge and caused his boat to sink. All else besides Zheng He, Genghis Khan, and Alexander were taken out of the scenario by machine gun nests. Admiral Zheng He stayed on the boat and decided to continue bombarding the coast. He too was defeated. Alexander the Great returned to the artificial beach to see Tokugawa. The two took out one nest, but Tokugawa Ieyasu was taken out of the fight. Alexander also was defeated. Robert shook his head in shame.
Then came the great statesmen. Cyrus, Bismarck, Justinian, Ataturk, Kofi Annan, Elizabeth I, Gandhi, Hammurabi, Wu Zetian, Abraham Lincoln, Tecumseh, and Pachacuti were all ready to debate over a simulated international crisis. Again, it ended with chaos. Bismarck was too busy switching sides all the time. Justinian and Tecumseh formed a bloc against Cyrus and Lincoln, causing Abraham to panic. Oh yeah, and Gandhi hit the nuclear weapon button that was supposed to end the scenario. Robert couldn’t believe that even outside of a game of Civilization Mahatma Gandhi could be a nuclear warlord.
Great philosophers were next - Socrates, Nietzche, Solomon (Ecclesiastes made him in this round), Confucius, Marx, Lenin, Martin Luther, Thomas Aquinas, Marcus Aurelius, so on… that led to the question if God is all-powerful AND dead at the same time. Mary Shelly, William Shakespeare, Murasaki Shibuki, Dante, Jane Austen, Tennessee Williams, and the other writers had a book-club meeting gone wrong. Einstein, Curie, and the scientists accidentally set off a fake nuclear bomb off. The plan had failed. Finally, Robert came up to Lissie.
“Hey, Elizabeth, I’ve been meaning to ask you this question. Could we make the perfect team…together?” Elizabeth Kawolski looked into Robert Chron’s eyes. “Yes!” answered Kawolski as the two hugged. Robert smiled.
“You ain’t nothing but a hound dog, Ludwig!”
“That’s it. Fur Elise!”
