Another story poll

[Moss]

Even non-fiction has a plot...a story...a purpose...much moreso than most fiction in many cases. Non-fiction is real...and that, in itself, captures our attention.

My point is, and I think it's very valid, you can write for yourself, or you can write for an audience. By asking what we thought of this piece, I'm assuming he's writing for an audience...and if he's writing for an audience, and wants others to be interested in the story, long openning sentences aren't usually the way to go.

But with that said...you can't judge a story by it's first sentence...so the rest may be very good, but that sentence is all we have to go on, so that's all I'm going to comment on.

 

[punkbass2000]

Even non-fiction has a plot...a story...a purpose...much moreso than most fiction in many cases.

A purpose, sure, but not necessarily a plot or story.

My point is, and I think it's very valid, you can write for yourself, or you can write for an audience. By asking what we thought of this piece, I'm assuming he's writing for an audience...and if he's writing for an audience, and wants others to be interested in the story, long openning sentences aren't usually the way to go.

I think he can be interested in peoples' opinions without having a story to please an audience.

 

[YNCS]

Personnally, I tend to enjoy writing that deviates from the norm. Run-on sentences, sentences which end abruptly, etc.

When I was taking an English class in college, I had a professor who said "If you make your writing hard to read, people will not read it." Or are you one of those writers who believes that preparation and thought are for the weak and a real writer does not coddle his readers with decadent coherence and understandability?

 

[simonnomis]

"This night, or at the latest tommorow morning, according to my calculations the suplies of food i had transfered the day before yesterday in my bedroom will be used up, and therefore i will be made to cope with this issue as well, which may not be as frightening as the other one however it remains to be a real issue, and moreover one which due to its nature does not lay open to solutions which have been found for the other issue, since this one is not anything of the mind."

This night - or at the latest to-morrow morning - according to my calculations, the supplies of food i had transfered the day before yesterday, in my bedroom, will be used up; therefore i will be made to cope with this issue as well, which may not be as frightening as the other one; however it remains to be a real issue, and moreover one which - due to its nature - does not lay open to solutions which have been found for the other issue: this one is not anything of the mind.

Phew

 

[Kyriakos]

Many points there! I will try to answer some:

-The first sentence is a translation of the actual first sentence, since i dont write in english; in my view it isnt a long or complicated one, since i am used to complicated sentences of greater size.

-I am interested in the audience, however i do not try to write for it foremostly; i am writing something which makes an impression on me, and examine the reasons why it does inside the story as well, in an attempt to follow my inspiration back to its origin. Hopefully the journey to some deeper mental ground for myself is depicted in the story as well, and makes it interesting.

-The point about the reason why the character took food to his bedroom is very good, and yes there was a reason for that. As the story is now- at 8 pages, and already can be left at that- this reason isnt explained, however if i continue it i will definately mention it. One has to keep in mind that it is a narrative in real time, and therefore the character cannot be logically expected to focus on that part of his situation when he has to face other things which put him in immediate danger. Imagine that you had found a message in a bottle; written by someone in despair, who didnt realistically expect it to be found. He may have not written down how he got to be shipwrecked in the first place, or even may not have written down where he was either, had he been in absolute despair and just wanted to think of his situation. This isnt the same situation ofcourse, since the story doesnt explain whther this is being written down, or is a 'thought narrative'.

 

[conquer_dude]

So what are you gonna do with the other one?

 

[punkbass2000]

Or are you one of those writers who believes that preparation and thought are for the weak and a real writer does not coddle his readers with decadent coherence and understandability?

I didn't know I was a "writer" Anyway, what do you mean by "coherence" and "understandability"?

 

[shadow2k]

Cujo without the dog? You have to have the dog!

 

[Lambert Simnel]

-The point about the reason why the character took food to his bedroom is very good, and yes there was a reason for that. As the story is now- at 8 pages, and already can be left at that- this reason isnt explained, however if i continue it i will definately mention it. One has to keep in mind that it is a narrative in real time, and therefore the character cannot be logically expected to focus on that part of his situation when he has to face other things which put him in immediate danger. Imagine that you had found a message in a bottle; written by someone in despair, who didnt realistically expect it to be found. He may have not written down how he got to be shipwrecked in the first place, or even may not have written down where he was either, had he been in absolute despair and just wanted to think of his situation. This isnt the same situation ofcourse, since the story doesnt explain whther this is being written down, or is a 'thought narrative'.

Understood. But it's the effect on the reader that I'm thinking of, not on the narrator. As a reader, I'm left wondering about something which isn't what you, as the writer, want me to be focusing upon.

PS Ram is right, in that I tend to be amongst the harsher "critics" here (e.g. I don't think aneeshm has replied to me since I ripped into his "how the world will be fine once Pakistan is detroyed" piece..) - OTOH, you'll get plenty of people being nice and polite, and that won't usually help you're writing improve.

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

Sounds like a good read.

 

[Kyriakos]

Understood. But it's the effect on the reader that I'm thinking of, not on the narrator. As a reader, I'm left wondering about something which isn't what you, as the writer, want me to be focusing upon.

PS Ram is right, in that I tend to be amongst the harsher "critics" here (e.g. I don't think aneeshm has replied to me since I ripped into his "how the world will be fine once Pakistan is detroyed" piece..) - OTOH, you'll get plenty of people being nice and polite, and that won't usually help you're writing improve.

Imo if the story is really short (and 8 pages would be that) you dont need to explain even relatively important elements. For example in Poe's "the cask of Amodillado" you never read why exactly the main character thinks that he was insulted by Fortunato. The story begins with him claiming that he was insulted, and then explains how he murdered Fortunato. In such a short story the focus inevitably goes to the flow of events/descriptions/thoughts, and not on other concerns, whereas in a bigger story the writer can always crawl to every corner of the world created in it. If i continue it i will do just that crawling; this remains to be decided today, since i am thinking of starting another story too.
Due to the volume of my kept work- around 150 pages in total- i already have a core which influences me, from what i have already written and kept. I have been writing short stories for 8 years

 

[Kyriakos]

An updated overview:

The main concepts of the story are the following:

-The person is trapped inside the world of the bedroom. The bedroom is a small room, with three pieces of furniture, a large bedroom, a desc and chair for the desc, and a small secondary table, next to the bed. The corridor is opossite the desc, and through it the door of the apartment can be seen, in the distance.

-Paralysis happens when he is nearing the corridor.

-The bedroom itself has been seen as divided into two main areas, the bed area, and the desc area. The bed area is associated with food and sleep. The desc area is associated with thoughts about the trip to the corridor.

-Organised thoughts about the paralysis before the corridor are being made when at the desc. Disorganised fantasies about a completely different trip to the corridor, where the person has lost paralysis, but he has also lost all ability to control his feet, thus making the trip to the corridor very dangerous since he can crush his head in uncontrollable running there, take place in the bed, in the end of the poor meals.

-The story revolves around many different attempts. The central attempt is, ofcourse, the examination of the paralysis. However there are many other others, such as what the imaginations of the different type of trip to the corridor are about; what is to be done with the diminishing food supplies; is finding a way to getting out of the bedroom really possible at this late stage; why did he find himself in this place at all; other.

-The entire story takes place in a very confined space, and the goal is to gradually present it in its totality, along with the impression it makes on the person locked up there.

Currently i am at page 20, where the main theme is the comparisson between the peaceful walk into the corridor that is the goal, throught complicated thought, and on the other hand the violent run into the corridor, which is proposed by the fantasies while siting on the bed. The subtheme is that the person is entirely dependant on thoughts, and the small room is so filled with thoughts and concepts about it that he is crawling from thought to thought everywhere, in every corner, and ofcourse before the corridor.

Impressions?