Blonde Jokes

[stormerne]

(Background information for this joke: there's a big chain of department stores in Europe called "C&A".)

Q. Why do blondes buy all their panties from C&A?

A. So they can tell which way round to wear them.

 

[gatomarado]

How does a blonde makes safety sex?<br />She locks the car dors.

I don't know if it's correctly written, but the original version in portuguese is:

Como é que uma loira faz sexo seguro?<br />Tranca as portas do carro.

I hope that someone have a translator for this joke, it's in portuguese to.

Um cientista escolhe três mulheres uma loira uma ruiva e uma morena, para testar a inteligência.<br />Vai à morena, abre-lhe a cabeça e vê muitos fios.<br />Então decide cortar um para ver o que acontecia.<br />Cortou o fio ea morena continuou operacional.<br />Vai à ruiva,abre-lhe a cabeça e vê também muitos fios.Então decide cortar um para ver o que acontecia.<br />Cortou o fio e a ruiva continuou operacional.<br />Vai à loira e, para seu espanto, quando abre a cabeça só vê um fio. Então cortou o fio.<br />Ao cortar o fio, caem-lhe as orelhas.

 

[duke o' york]

I got this joke translated on Alta vista but it's not a very good translation. I have patched it up as best I can:

A scientist chooses three women, a blonde, a redhead and a colored person, to test intelligence. He goes to the colored person, opens up her head and sees a lot of wires. Then he decides to cut one to see what happens. He cuts the brown wire and she continues as normal. He goes to the redhead, opens up her head and also sees many wires. Again he decides to cut one to see what happens. He cuts the wire and the redhead doesn't register any changes. He goes to the blonde, and to his astonishment, when he opens up her head he only sees one wire. So as before, he cuts the wire. After cutting the wire, her ears fall off but she just keeps smiling and staring straight ahead.

This is an atrocious joke and I really wish I hadn't gone to the trouble of translating it. I would like to distance myself as far as possible from this joke and please do not connect me to this joke in any way in future. I apologise to all the fans of decent jokes on this site.

It's my birthday and I don't care.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

!happybirthday!

Or does that smilie exist after the big housecleaning? Anyways.....

 

[duke o' york]

Cheers Hippo!

Yeah, it's a shame that so many smilies have disappeared. Whatever happened to: !tank!, !smileyshot!, !king! and other favourites? I hope that !pimp! is still going but somehow I doubt it.

PS This is going to look really dumb if all these smilies are actually working.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

From "MostlyJunk.com"....

THE TOP TEN BLOND INVENTIONS OF ALL TIME

10...The water-proof towel

9...Solar powered flashlight

8...Submarine screen door

7...A book on how to read

6...Inflatable dart board

5...A dictionary index

4...Ejector seat in a helicopter

3...Powdered water

2...Pedal-powered wheel chair

1...Water-proof tea bag

 

[Dell19]

The solar powered torch is not actually that stupid because you are supposed to charge it up during the day and then use it at night...

 

[G-Man]

Actually, most millitary hellicopters have ejector seats - only the go down instead of up.<br />The Russians have hellicopter with ejector seats launching themselves up. Before the seat is launched, a small bomb seperates the rotor from the hellicopter.

 

[atawa]

Would all these jokes be allowed on this forum if you replace blonde by say.. ******, jew or paki?

 

[G-Man]

You're really getting on my nerves. This forum is for jokes - not for serious discussions...<br />But since you ask, this isn't the same, as a "******, jew or paki" can and had suffered from descrimination, so he'll be offended. I've never heard about a country descriminating blondes...<br />If it helps, imagine it's writen "a stupid woman" instead of "a blonde". It makes jokes less funny, but if you want PC you get PC.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

I spy with my little eye...one blonde.

Hippo reserves the right to mock his friends, many of whom are blonde. All those objecting can kiss his @$$.

 

[atawa]

hehe

<img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Smoke]" />

 

[Matrix]

I love blonde-jokes!

Here another one:

Three dumb blondes are sitting on a fence. Then a fairy comes and promises the dumb blondes that they may make a wish.

So the first one asks:<br />"May I have bigger breasts?" "Even bigger?" says the fairy. "Well, ok, I'll try"...and she succeeds and the dumb blonde's got even bigger breasts.

Then the second one asks:<br />"Can I be more blonde?"<br />"Even more blonde??" says the fairy. "Gee, that's a hard one!", but again she succeeds and the dumb blonde is even more blonde.

And now for the third dumb blonde:<br />"Could you make me even dumber?"<br />"More dumber? More dumber than now?? Ok, I'll give it a shot" And again she succeeds and the dumb blonde turns into a man.

<img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <img src="tongue.gif" border="0">

[ September 19, 2001: Message edited by: Matrix ]</p>

 

[GenghisK]

Mmm, delicious... Now somebody has some jokes about brunette, or even about Alicia please ? <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> <br />Matrix, c'mon, I'm sure you have a bunch of them.

 

[scorch]

hey... Atawa has a point.

 

[Juize]

Originally posted by Matrix
I love blonde-jokes!

Here another one:

Three dumb blondes are sitting on a fence. Then a fairy comes and promises the dumb blondes that they may make a wish.

So the first one asks:<br />"May I have bigger breasts?" "Even bigger?" says the fairy. "Well, ok, I'll try"...and she succeeds and the dumb blonde's got even bigger breasts.

Then the second one asks:<br />"Can I be more blonde?"<br />"Even more blonde??" says the fairy. "Gee, that's a hard one!", but again she succeeds and the dumb blonde is even more blonde.

And now for the third dumb blonde:<br />"Could you make me even dumber?"<br />"More dumber? More dumber than now?? Ok, I'll give it a shot" And again she succeeds and the dumb blonde turns into a man.

<img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <img src="tongue.gif" border="0">

!lol!
I've heard that millions and millions of times, but it always makes me to laugh!
(Sorry for minor spamming, but I'm a minor buttlicker )

 

[starlifter]

A redhead, a brunette, and a blond were walking across the desert, with miles of scorching torment before they would be out. After a time, the redhead asks the brunette "Why are you carrying that bag with you in this heat?" The brunette said, "It's got food in it... I might get hungry."

Later, the brunette asked the redhead about the bottles she was carrying. "It's water, in case I get thirsty in this infernal desert."

Finally, they both stopped and looked at the blonde, then looked at each other. It was the redhead that finally asked the blonde "Just why are you dragging that car door from a '57 Chevy behind you?" The blonde replied, "Well, silly, if it gets hot in this desert, I can roll the window down!"

 

[Graeme the mad]

I can think of lots but ill post this one for now:

Why do blondes wear thermal underwear?

To keep their ankles warm.

 

[willemvanoranje]

Greame, you're evil!

 

[Matrix]

Originally posted by Lefty Scaevola
What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

RUN! She has a grenade in her mouth! <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Take the pin out and throw it back!