Cannot seem to increase relations once someone hates me

[Coozer]

Once there are boarder tensions or an enemies ally gets dragged into war against me it seems like that's it. Improve relations does not seem to help much and they will not give or accept any diplomatic deal...what are my options?
Especially trying to be a peaceful trading civ I seem just screwed.

 

[LilBudyWizer]

Just to point out the not so obvious there's four buttons on the bar below the header which can give some insight. If you mean improve trade relations, rather than reconciliation, when you say improve relations then you should try reconciliation. When I found myself asking the same question reconciliation had scrolled off the bottom of the screen. Improve Trade Relations actually increases trade routes and I don't think it actually does anything to disposition.

 

[Coozer]

Reconciliation works if they really hate you but if they just dislike you it seems hard to improve that and remove or compensate for the debuffs. I did find out that improve trade relations does not improve relations but starting new trade route does.

 

[Yzman]

Reconciliation may just bring them to unfriendly but hard to improve upon that. They will still reject deals which brings them back to hostile. Seems like a vicious cycle. Only ways I can see to bring them better than that without fear of backlash is trying to comply with their agenda and starting a trade route. Clearing a hostile IP near them also works I think.

 

[LilBudyWizer]

Supporting an endeavor gets you 12 rep points while just accepting gets you 5. I tend to be loved on the left and hated on the right because I run out of influence. Reconciliation gets you 30 if accepted and 60 if supported. I'm not sure of much detail on how diplomacy works. It just seems if I keep supporting they love me, just accept they end up hating me. There might be some mods that give you better insight as to why your rep stands where it is.

 

[Coozer]

Once they dislike you they dont offer endeavours for you to support and they will not support yours.
I feel there needs to be more tools or mechanisms to heal relationships, like an espionage camping or something. TBF diplomacy has always been a bit weak in CIV though I do like the trade and influence changes.

 

[StargazingDog]

Trade routes increase relations. Also keep an eye on their relations with others. Do not openly ally with leaders they dislike unless you are prepared to go to war someday. I found that once I kept tabs on who likes who, I was better able to prevent hostilities in the first place. Sorry, Confucius, I know you want to ally, but two other leaders hate you. We will have to just be friends.

 

[LilBudyWizer]

I was thinking more along the lines of not getting hated to start with.

 

[Krikkit1]

Once they dislike you they dont offer endeavours for you to support and they will not support yours.
I feel there needs to be more tools or mechanisms to heal relationships, like an espionage camping or something. TBF diplomacy has always been a bit weak in CIV though I do like the trade and influence changes.

I think there is a problem there where the Relationship stat is affecting the AIs behavior. It shouldn't affect it too much... If the AI wants to have war with you, or prevent you gaining benefits from cooperation, then it should attempt to repair... at least accepting your expenses. On the other hand if the AI calculates a war with you soon would be to its advantage, or the mutal benefits would enrich you too much, then it should go with whatever strategies will worsen the relationship.

 

[evonannoredars]

Initially I thought the fact your relationship is based on what you both do was bugged behaviour due to how it means them rejecting your proposal worsens the relationship too, feeding into the downward loop. I've since come around to the way this works, but I do wish there was a foolproof way to improve the relationship with gifts of gold or something.

 

[vorlon_mi]

Digging out of a hole is hard, I agree. For example, Trung Trac is -90 hostile towards me in my current game. Her agenda is to dislike a leader who has more commander promotions -- which I do. And I intend to get more, on both army and fleet commanders. Don't know how to fix that.
I have an interesting challenge in this game with Jose Rizal. He was my buddy, even ally, in Antiquity. He was leading me in legacy points at the end of Antiquity, getting his first Treasure Fleet before me. I arranged to backstab him like this. He was actually allied with Trung (who hates me). I moved my troops near Jose's cities, then declared a formal war on Trung. Jose stuck by his ally and declared on me. I snatched up his island city and assaulted one of his big cities. Couldn't quite take it, due to his knights counterattack.
After the war, I'd like to patch things up, but Jose has LOTS of negative modifiers. I'm starting endeavours with other leaders, especially those in Distant Lands. But it is going to take a LONG time to erase the negatives.

Other leader agendas are harder to comply with. Isabella cares about Natural Wonders. Can't do a lot with that. Catherine will dislike me more and more, as I accumulate relics.