Civ4 humor

[Öjevind Lång]

mod was Road to war here

Oh! I thought it was "unrestricted leaders".

 

[Civ Khan]

Thanks Firestorm. I thought it looked like the Road to War but I wasn't sure due to me only having the BtS shipped mod for it.

 

[Eclipse-X010]

Today the great governments of the world convened at the UN. They decided that they had enough of Rome terrorizing people with nuclear weapons, they signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty forbidding Rome from building nukes. They then assured every nation in the world that they could sleep peacefully, knowing that there was no longer any threat of Roman nukes. Wasn't Carthage surprised 50 years later, when citizens looked up to find Roman nukes raining down upon them.

True story of when Non-proliferation was passed and I realized I still had leftover nukes that I had completely forgotten about

 

[Civ Khan]

Nice move Eclipse

 

[Eclipse-X010]

Thanks, can someone tell me is this just a glitch with my computer or does Nonproliferation simply prevent you from building more nukes but lets you keep the ones you've already built.

 

[Civ Khan]

It stops you from building more but doesn't destroy already built nukes.

 

[Eclipse-X010]

Thanks for the clarification

 

[BakingTheArt]

Hatshepsut looked at her three main advisors and sighed. They had been bickering for days about where to settle down and raise a civilization. Hatty raised her hand, and instantly all of the talking, yelling, screaming, punching and gnawing between her advisors stopped. "Okay, can you tell me again what the hell you're yelling about?"

The military advisor, Brutus Scin, quickly said, "We should settle further north, near the sea. We will have decent production, the ability to build a navy, and we can take out our rivals, the evil Arabians quicker."

Hatty nodded, and said "Logical, violent, evil... I like it. Orion, your view point?"

Orion Starr, the science advisor, stuttered, "Your h-highness, w-we should settle i-in place, were w-we are n-now. The abundant f-floodplains allow m-more growth, and the stone and m-marble near b-by g-give us production a-and commerce t-to g-get a head-start in science, and c-consturct The Oracle f-faster. R-right?"

Hatty nodded again, and said "I like it... now, go home and take a shower. You're sweating like a dog."

"W-we h-haven't invented sh-showers yet, m-m-ma'am."

"GO!"

"O-okay..."

"Anyway, Christen, your turn." Hatty turned to look at Christen Vishnu, the Religious Advisor, who was already standing up.

"My liege, we should settle west, towards the desert, the holiest land know to both man and gods. Besides, a vision told me that the abundant floodplains are nothing more than poison."

Hatty began cracking up. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Orion, we're going with your idea... Orion?"

Brutus spoke up. "My liege? His body just washed up outside. Apparently when you told him to take a shower, he jumped in the Nile."

Hatty suppressed a giggle, and said "How sad. Anyway, we settle here!"

Christen scowled, and said, "You'll regret this..."

Hatshepsut I was found in her palace, dead, five days later. She had died of eating poison crops, grown near the Nile. When Christen Vishnu was asked for comment, he just said "I told her so."

 

[Nerowannabe]

Hatshepsut looked at her three main advisors and sighed. They had been bickering for days about where to settle down and raise a civilization. Hatty raised her hand, and instantly all of the talking, yelling, screaming, punching and gnawing between her advisors stopped. "Okay, can you tell me again what the hell you're yelling about?"

The military advisor, Brutus Scin, quickly said, "We should settle further north, near the sea. We will have decent production, the ability to build a navy, and we can take out our rivals, the evil Arabians quicker."

Hatty nodded, and said "Logical, violent, evil... I like it. Orion, your view point?"

Orion Starr, the science advisor, stuttered, "Your h-highness, w-we should settle i-in place, were w-we are n-now. The abundant f-floodplains allow m-more growth, and the stone and m-marble near b-by g-give us production a-and commerce t-to g-get a head-start in science, and c-consturct The Oracle f-faster. R-right?"

Hatty nodded again, and said "I like it... now, go home and take a shower. You're sweating like a dog."

"W-we h-haven't invented sh-showers yet, m-m-ma'am."

"GO!"

"O-okay..."

"Anyway, Christen, your turn." Hatty turned to look at Christen Vishnu, the Religious Advisor, who was already standing up.

"My liege, we should settle west, towards the desert, the holiest land know to both man and gods. Besides, a vision told me that the abundant floodplains are nothing more than poison."

Hatty began cracking up. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Orion, we're going with your idea... Orion?"

Brutus spoke up. "My liege? His body just washed up outside. Apparently when you told him to take a shower, he jumped in the Nile."

Hatty suppressed a giggle, and said "How sad. Anyway, we settle here!"

Christen scowled, and said, "You'll regret this..."

Hatshepsut the 1st was found in her palace, dead, five days later. She had died of eating poison crops, grown near the Nile. When Christen Vishnu was asked for comment, he just said "I told her so."

Lol ha (maybe it was I).

 

[Civ Khan]

Nice one Baking!

 

[W|M]

Who will win...the spearman...or the tank?
How do you add screenshots? I don't know

 

[Harry Potter52]

That's a good one Hatty dying and all
Me, The funniest thing I've found is that poor Isabell was on an island and horribly technologically behind. SO I start building artillery and i am greeted by "Look I just build a conquistador. Now where shall i put it?" I say she'd better give the chappy some money and teach him how to use howitzers

 

[General Ege]

President Ragnar was sitting behind his desk in his presidential office drinking a cup of Korean tea, since evidently all the aristocratic Vikings were drinking imported tea those days... when suddenly his defense minister rushed through the doors.

"Sir! Our submarine the Valhalla was damaged defending itself from those Anglican Dogs and their frigates!"-said the Defense Minister

"How did it fair?"
-Ragnar replied

"She won the fight, but it was incredibly damaged in the fight. Had it not been for our shipbuilding expertise and the fact that it was constructed in the same city as the Red Cross, the Valhalla would be in her namesake Mr. President"

"Can it return to our lands Minister?"

"No sir, in the event of another attack, she would not survive. I already phoned the crew and told them to heal where they were in the middle of the ocean."

"Ah I see.. Good then! Excellent! Have them heal there!!! WTF?! HEAL THERE?!"

"Yes Mr President heal there."

"ITS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN HOW DOES IT HEAL ITSELF?!"

"Engineers onboard the submarine will reconstruct it and fill in any holes in the hull and restock the weaponry"

"IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN?! WITH NO OTHER SHIPS, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN, WHERE DOES IT GET THE SUPPLIES TO HEAL ITSELF AND REPAIR?!"

"The engineers sir..."

"WHERE DO THEY GET THE MATERIALS?!"

"They just have them..."

"SO IF THE SUBMARINE WAS FIGHTING AT EVERY OPPURTUNITY AND NEVER MADE PORT THEN WHAT HAPPENS IF ITS NEAR DESTRUCTION?"

"The engineers would fix it they have all the tools..."

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sir we now have the technology to upgrade our cavalry into gunships! Would you care to watch the upgrade happen?"

That's when Ragnar dropped dead

 

[W|M]

roflmfao!:roftfl:

 

[Crime Doesn't Pay]

That was an enlightening view on the civ military, and absolutely hilarious. On a related note, I actually used a chariot in the year 2015 during my "blitzrieg" (thanks to it, Saladin's size 14 city was mine on the first turn of the war) Difficulty:warlord

I did this once when I was playing as France with my musketeers. The reinforcements were just one turn a way from the city i attacked.

 

[Eclipse-X010]

 

[Crime Doesn't Pay]

Now there's a politician I wouldn't sleep with. - Catherine the Great

 

[BakingTheArt]

Little Johnny looked at his dad, "So, are going to visit Grandpa in San Diego?"
Dad sighed, and said, "Someone already landed in San Diego this year. We have to go next year."
"Aw Shucks."

 

[General Ege]

Evidently, civs created zoos as well... (See attachment)