Q: What do you call a Communist bottle cap?
A: A pan for steak.
Q: Could you introduce socialism to the Sahara Desert?
A: Yes, but then you'd need to deal with the sand shortages.
Q: How did the Soviet Union give everyone the meat they needed?
A: The butchers put up signs that read: "Closed. Nobody needs meat today."
Q: What did Romanians light their houses with before they started using candles?
A: Electricity.
------
An elementary school teacher was talking about the October Revolution, and said "raise your hand if you have a picture of Lenin on the wall."
Everyone rose their hands except for one boy.
"Why didn't you raise your hand?" the teacher asks.
"They live by the walls of the room, I live in the center."
------
Castro was giving a speech to a crowd of people one day, and was praising Marx.
A vendor walking down the aisles is saying "peanuts...popcorn."
Then Castro continued his speech, and started to praise Lenin.
The same man continued, "peanuts...popcorn."
Again, Castro continued his speech, and once again...the same man, started saying "peanuts...popcorn" again.
By this time, Castro was furious.
"Whoever is saying 'peanuts, popcorn' come forward and I will kick you from here to Miami.
The entire crowd started shouting "PEANUTS! POPCORN!"
------
Two Soviet men were talking in the street one day, and one exclaims:
"Did you hear the great news?"
"No, what is it?"
"The Communist Party has new orders for their manufacturing sector. They said this year they would need 100,000. Next year, they'd need 1,000,000. The year after, they'd need 10,000,000."
"That's great! So, comrade, what are they?"
"Out of order signs."
------
A Soviet boy was was talking to his dad and asked:
"Dad, can I borrow the car keys?"
"Sure" the dad replies, "but don't lose them. We don't get the car for another 7 years."
------
A Western trade delegation was visiting a Soviet factory and met with their foreman.
"How many people work here?" one of the delegation members asks.
"About a third, maybe less on Mondays." replies the foreman.
------
A man was eating in downtown Moscow, and and requested to see the waiter.
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"Shh!" the waiter exclaims, "be quiet or everyone else will want meat!"
------
If you've got any good communist jokes, put them here. These were my favorite.
The last one was told to me by my grandpa a few months before he died in 1999. RIP.
A: A pan for steak.
Q: Could you introduce socialism to the Sahara Desert?
A: Yes, but then you'd need to deal with the sand shortages.
Q: How did the Soviet Union give everyone the meat they needed?
A: The butchers put up signs that read: "Closed. Nobody needs meat today."
Q: What did Romanians light their houses with before they started using candles?
A: Electricity.
------
An elementary school teacher was talking about the October Revolution, and said "raise your hand if you have a picture of Lenin on the wall."
Everyone rose their hands except for one boy.
"Why didn't you raise your hand?" the teacher asks.
"They live by the walls of the room, I live in the center."
------
Castro was giving a speech to a crowd of people one day, and was praising Marx.
A vendor walking down the aisles is saying "peanuts...popcorn."
Then Castro continued his speech, and started to praise Lenin.
The same man continued, "peanuts...popcorn."
Again, Castro continued his speech, and once again...the same man, started saying "peanuts...popcorn" again.
By this time, Castro was furious.
"Whoever is saying 'peanuts, popcorn' come forward and I will kick you from here to Miami.
The entire crowd started shouting "PEANUTS! POPCORN!"
------
Two Soviet men were talking in the street one day, and one exclaims:
"Did you hear the great news?"
"No, what is it?"
"The Communist Party has new orders for their manufacturing sector. They said this year they would need 100,000. Next year, they'd need 1,000,000. The year after, they'd need 10,000,000."
"That's great! So, comrade, what are they?"
"Out of order signs."
------
A Soviet boy was was talking to his dad and asked:
"Dad, can I borrow the car keys?"
"Sure" the dad replies, "but don't lose them. We don't get the car for another 7 years."
------
A Western trade delegation was visiting a Soviet factory and met with their foreman.
"How many people work here?" one of the delegation members asks.
"About a third, maybe less on Mondays." replies the foreman.
------
A man was eating in downtown Moscow, and and requested to see the waiter.
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"Shh!" the waiter exclaims, "be quiet or everyone else will want meat!"
------
If you've got any good communist jokes, put them here. These were my favorite.
The last one was told to me by my grandpa a few months before he died in 1999. RIP.
