Current Resident status

[Xenonite]

Greetings Earthlings,

I am Squignu of Xiffto, a small but powerful world orbiting a class K star not far from where you have landed. I am here to inform you that you are in territory owned by the Xifftonian Empire. Your immigration is permitted provided you pay taxes, preferably in xenomass as there is an Empire-wide shortage presently. Once you have paid your taxes in the form of 750 xenokilograms of xenomass or 50000 XiffCredits per immigrant, chosen your most able-bodied 5% of your population and presented them for conscription, and announced your allegiance to Xiffto, the Emperor, and the Imperial Triumverate, you will be granted the status of Current Resident. This will grant you the right to live and work peacefully in our domain subject only to Imperial taxes, laws, and conscription.

It is assumed that, by your immigration, this is what you wish to do. Please signal your wish to comply and our bureaucrats will begin the paperwork as you begin harvesting xenomass. Otherwise, you are squatting illegally upon Imperial territory and are hereby given 90 Xifftonian days to evacuate peacefully or face annihilation as enemy combatants.

 

[Callonia]

Well boy oh boy, we sure screwed big by plopping down on a random planet as we please. This is not what I wanted in first contact! I am upset by lack of catgirl aliens!

 

[Xenonite]

Well, there are intelligent, sexually reproducing creatures that vaguely resemble Earth felines on Vebulon-2. They have a six-nucleotide genetic code though, and their gametes are fertilized outside the body, so I'm not sure if you're interested. Also, the planet's average temperature is 50 degrees C. I think they're too hot for you to handle.

 

[Manannan]

I'm just impressed the people of the Xifftonian Empire speak such amazing English.

 

[roscoepfox]

I'm just impressed the people of the Xifftonian Empire speak such amazing English.

We should hire them to work in our schools.

 

[stormtrooper412]

I'm just impressed the people of the Xifftonian Empire speak such amazing English.

I'm willing to bet it's a local dialect and it coincidentally sounds exactly like English

 

[joncnunn]

Moderator Action: Moved to Stories & Let's Plays and the Story prefix added to thread title

 

[Xenonite]

I'm just impressed the people of the Xifftonian Empire speak such amazing English.

By your admittedly primitive standards, we have very powerful translation software. From what we have determined, Earthling computers can't even translate one Earthling language to another in a reliable way. And they all communicate with each other the same two ways: vibrating the air and receiving those vibrations, and making marks on physical or electronic media.

I shudder to think of how they would translate our language. Our communication is what you might call "telepathic" if you weren't tuned into the right frequency with one of your radios. But even if you were, I doubt you'd be able to make much sense out of the transmissions. We have a small radio transmitter and receiver in each of our nervous systems which is our primary way of communicating. You may have noticed the pair of antennae on what you would call our heads.

Anyway, please get working on the xenomass. A Prefect and his squadron have been deployed and should arrive with the necessary paperwork within the next 7-10 Xifftonian days. Your Current Resident cards will arrive by Imperial Mail shortly after the bureaucratic process is complete. Please keep them with you at all times and do not wrap them with conducting material. They broadcast weak radio signals in Xifftonian that allow us to identify Imperial subjects. You really don't want trouble with the Colonial Patrol.