Followers Of the Random Number god In Celestial Ageless Eternity [FORNICATE]
(Note: The name was decreed by the RNGod Hirtself, and having nothing to do with the chosen tools of random whorsh--worship: the Holy Kinky Dice (
http://dmcconkey.com/dice/). It has nothing to do with piss-poor rhyming skills on the part of the prophet.)
You have 30 turns to complete objectives. The first objective gets 40 turns.
Dice 0:
This roll decides the number of dice that will be done. Meaning, someone who rolls a 1 will only roll Dice 1, whereas someone who rolls as 6 will use every rolls, from Dice 1 to 6!
(Note: if the number is 3, the parenthesises tasks are what are considered; religious confusion, "Let's take the safest path")
Dice 1
The main will of our god, to be interpreted in one of the following ways:
1: (Cultural) Acquire a wonder (building or conquest) OR give border expantions to 5 cities OR give a border expantion to the largest city.
2: (Religious) Spread State Religion to 3 cities (Acquire state religion if none) OR build either 6 temples/6 monasteries/1 cathedral OR Capture a Holy City
3: (Technological) Learn a technology leading to at least 4 others OR Learn a technology leading to a new era OR learn 8 technologies
4: (Military) Hook up 2 ressources (Repairing pillage does NOT count) OR Kill 3n enemies (n = 2 dice throw) OR Give one unit 2n experience
(Note: The objective must be chosen before the dice rolls!)
5: (Domination) Acquire 3 more cities, in any way OR Capture a capital city OR Capture a city with more than n+6 population, or the one closest to it
6: (Diplomacy) Complete 8 trades (If rolled during the first throw, Meet 4 AIs) OR Get 6 +points with one AI OR get 3 +points with 3 AIs.
Dice 2:
You may not start building:
1: You may not start building Terrain Improvements
2: You may not start building Economic building (Anything that can give +gold in the current Civic/wonder setting)
3: You may not start building Religious buildings (Anything that requires a religion to build)
4: You may not start building Cultural buildings (Anything that gives +culture)
5: You may not start building Wonders (National or World)
6: You may not start building Military Units
Dice 3
The RNGod, being a whisi--no, the word is not strong enough... fick--no, not quite... Hm... The RNGod, being a totally random entity of... well, randomness, is often fit to attitude changes towards people; Hirt whims must obviously be respected.
1: Declare War on (Declare war on 2 AIs)
2: You may not declare War on (Cannot declare war on anyone)
3: Trade ONLY with (Cannot trade with anyone)
4: You may not trade with (note: Rolling another 4 means you must CANCEL trades with...) (Cancel all trades, with everyone(!!!))
5: You must spread your religion to 3 cities of (Spread religion to 3 cities of the same AI)
6: You can only attack units of (Cannot attack units at all)
Dice 4:
Player qualifier based on their position in the score, to go with dice 2 use 2 dices, 2=1, 3=2...
Rolling 4 (5) means you have to cancel all trades with the rolled player. If the number lists an empty position, or yourself, the parenthesises are what are considered.
Dice 5:
Every now and then (randomly, of course), the RNGod's infinite (well, sometimes, it depends on the time of the day and the weather (...sometimes), really) wisdom will touch our government and enlighten them with the truth. (ok, you can stop coughing now) By the end of the 30 turns, the civics must follow these conditions:
1: Set all civics to the most expensive ones
2: Set all civics to the newest ones
3: Set all civics to the cheapest ones
4: Set all civics to emulate the AI player mentionned in 4 (even if that means reseraching a new technology!) (If none, your civics must be kept the same way)
5: Set all civics to the lowest ones on the list
6: Set all civics to the highest ones on the list (Despotism, Barbarism, Tribalism, Decentralization and Paganism)
Dice 6:
Phobias: Because our god, despite Hirts great Random... um... Greatness, is deathly afraid of some things every now and then...
1: Aquaphobia: None of our units can cross rivers or sea, and all boats must return to the nearest port (open border counts).
2: Altophobia: None of our units can be on hills; units must leave the hills by taking the shortest possible path.
3: Dendrophobia: Our units cannot be on forests or jungles; units must leave the forests or jungles by taking the shortest possible path.
4: Xerophobia: Our units cannot be on deserts, including flood plains; units must leave the deserts by taking the shortest possible path.
5: Altophilia: Given a choice, all units must cross over hills, and as many hills as possible (Even if that means attacking a hill-fortified unit).
6: Aquaphilia: Given a choice, all units must stay near the ocean and rivers.
Punishments: Each are taken in consideration with which commandments were broken; if #2 was broken, Dice 2 is used. Punishments take priority over commandments, and the next dice roll happens only after the punishment is done (exception to "for X turns" punishments, like D1-1), and no actions other than those aiming at completing the punishment can be done (if the punishment requires you to build a settler and make a new town to complete it, all cities MUST build settlers).
Dice 1:
For failing the main will of our god:
1: (Cultural) Set sliders to 100% culture (0% science if otherwise impossible) for 15 turns
2: (Religious) Change state religion to the one with the fewest followers in your civilization
3: (Technological) Learn the most expensive tech on the list; no new rolls until there, and must build nothing but the poorest military unit available until then
4: (Military) Cancel a trade to or try to extort the civ with the top score, or the second on the list if impossible.
5: (Domination) Whip all cities
6: (Diplomatic) Cancel a trade to or try to extort the friendliest AI. If Ex-equo, take the closest one.
Dice 2:
For failing to follow the Lord's commandments:
1: Disband the 6 most promoted units
2: Upgrade 10 units
3: Build 2n missionaries of the same religion
4: Make the highest possible number of specialists of each kind in the largest city (If ex-equo, use the one closest to growing) and keep them for 10 turns, ignoring starvation
5: Build 13 Work Boats (6 non-whipped workers if impossible)
6: Set all cities to building the same wonder for 10 turns (must be stopped after 10 turns if next commandment forbids building wonders)
Dice 3:
For Failing to follow the whims of the RNGod:
1-4: Xenophobia: Refuse all trades until next roll
2-3-5: Xenophilia: Accept all trades, no matter how screwed (Pushover-style), until next roll
6: Turn on the hints and obey their whims, Automaton-style, unless dictated otherwise by the RNGod, until next dice roll.
Dice 4:
...can't really be failed...
Dice 5:
For daring attempting to lead Hirt Great People in another way that what Hirt has specifically dictated:
1: That player skips his next turn
2: The next player is skipped
3: That player's position is moved one up on the roster
4: The player who played before that player plays again, and that player is skipped (3, 4, 3, 5)
5: The next player to submit a re-rolled roster (must be different by at least 2 players) plays
6: That player is put either to the end or the start of the roster, whichever is furthest.
Dice 6:
For daring believing yourself superior to the RNGod's all-randomizing greatness and trespassing on lands Hirt would be afraid to:
1: Pillage your own 3 most production-productive tiles in your 3 best cities and keep them unimproved for 15 turns after the next roll
2: Pillage your own 3 most food-proctive tiles in your 3 best cities and keep them unimproved for 5 turns after the next roll
3: Pillage your own 3 most commerce-productive tiles in your 3 best cities and keep them unimproved for 10 turns after the next roll (If cottage, pillage to Hamlet-level)
4: Pillage 2 of your own strategic ressources until they become unavailable and keep them unimproved until next dice roll
5: Pillage 3 of your own Happiness ressources and keep them unimproved until the next dice roll
6: Pillage 3 of your own Health ressources and keep them unimproved until the next dice roll
(Note: complete as much as possible and forbid all hook-ups until next dice roll if the punishment cannot be completed)
(Note that taking punishments to complete other, 'more important' tasks is fine... so long as you can TAKE them!
)
," a research path shall be set contrary to our Lord's wishes and the empire of minions shall be riven in three.
... it wasn't intentional, I swear! 
... you know what they used to say, the sly old fox, yeah right, that's yours faithfully.
.
