How do you know...

How do you know...

... that you'll have an awful map full of tundra and desert ?
You have a great start with 3 food resources and marble or stone in your capital's cross.

... that Isabella is on the map ?
The game hasn't fully loaded yet and Buddhism has already been founded in a far away land.

... that Pacal is on the map ?
The Oracle has been built in a far away land before 2000 BC.

... that Huayna Capac is on the map ?
Every wonder you've ever heard about has been built in a far away land.

... that Mansa Musa is on the map ?
You're researching Civil Service and he's the first to discover Liberalism.

... that Gandhi is on the map ?
Seven great generals were born in a far away land the last turn. None was his.

... that Saladin, Isabella or Justinian is on another continent ?
Nobody around you has a clue of what a religion is before 1500 AD.

... that you need to train more axemen ?
You've just been greeted by Shaka, Monty, Ragnar and Genghis.

.. that you're in for a world of pain ?
You're near a Caesar, he has iron, and he doesn't like you.

...that you're one turn away of circumnavigating the globe ?
Every civ you know pops on the screen and asks to trade maps.

... that you've just discovered a really cool tech ?
Joao pops on the screen and asks for it.

... that you really should build a bigger army ?
Asoka asks a tribute.

... that you've trained more than five axemen ?
Gandhi wants to become your vassal.

... that you're not doing so good ?
"The most advanced civs" panel pops on the screen, and you don't find your name in the list.

... that Civ A will attack Civ B this turn ?
Both pop on the screen and ask you to join the war.

... that your enemy is about to capitulate ?
Somebody else declares war on him.

... that you really should learn to read the Diplomacy panel ?
You declare war on someone, and the whole world declares war on you.

... that your enemy rules the Apostolic Palace ?
Every trade you have gets canceled every twenty turns. And the whole world declares war on you.

... that you have too much time on your hands ?
You read this thread, and continue it.

 

That is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! Seriously, I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard at them... egad. ROFL is actually a accurate description of this, wow.

OK, I won't taint this thread with poor rip-offs, but I will say my favorites, just so you can feel proud

Gotta love India in Civ IV

 

You missed one of my favourites:

... that Civ A is about to make peace with Civ B ?
Civ A asks you to join the war.

 

Good stuff

 

... that your tanks are going to have some fun slaughtering longbows?
Sitting Bull is on the map.

 

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats some funny . .. .. .. . man!

 

..That you thought you declared war on ethopia, But you declared war on the Ottomans because you mistook the color.

 

Thanks.

... that you're leading the race for a wonder ?
Some natural disaster blows up your forge in the city building it. And the barracks or the granary, while it's there.

... that you have indeed discovered Scientific Method ?
Some natural disaster blows up two monasteries in your main science city.

... that you're soon to be at war ?
A volcano destroys your only well of oil. The one on the ice.

... that you really pissed off your neighbour ?
Your mine/well/farm/plantation of bananas/whatever is sabotaged every three turns.

... that it's time to run another counter-espionage mission ?
Your mine/well/farm/plantation/whatever has just been sabotaged again, dammit.

... that you're about to win the space race ?
The most powerful civ on the map goes berserk and declares war on everyone to vassalize them while he keeps sending "diplomacy victory" resolutions.

...that you're out-teching Mansa Musa ?
He camps on your palace's frontdoor and keeps asking for techs every two turns.

... that you're doing good in the diplomacy department ?
A furious leader keeps asking you to cancel your trades with everyone around.

... that a civ will build hundreds of caravels ?
You just sent a lone privateer to their shores.

... that it's gonna be a good game ?
You've just warrior-rushed the dude who founded the religion and built Stonehenge in his only city.

... that Monty will declare war on you from another continent ?
He finally discovered Astronomy. It's 1900 AD and you're waiting for your spaceship to reach Centauri while building tons of mech infantries.

 

...that it's going to be an open map?
A barbarian horde spawns in the first few turns

 

...that Montezuma will soon declare war on you?
Montezuma is in the game

...that you're two turns from completing The Colossus?
Your forge burns down

That that desert tile far away is the only iron on the continent?
a) There is a barbarian city next to it
b) there is not an AI city next to it, but somewhere else in the desert.
c) You're first to IW and on the other side of the continent.
d) Per experience

That Genghis Khan is leading that little lost island nation?
...He has Horseback Riding and Feudalism, but not Agriculture (happened to me!)

 

... that Alexander will backstab you ?
You just met him.

... that Tokugawa is on the map ?
There's a red-bordered blackhole on your map. No matter how many maps you buy, it will stay black.

...that Shaka will declare war on you ?
That's a stupid, stupid question. Don't ask stupid questions.

... that your nuclear plant is built ?
It melts down.

... that you've finished to build the AP or the UN ?
Somebody else gets elected.

... that you're about to finish the Manhattan Project ?
The nuclear non-proliferation treaty pops on the screen.

... that your scout will feed a bear ?
You sent him scouting.

... that your neighbour has discovered Flight ?
His first plane crashes in your backyard.

... that you're the first to discover Flight ?
One of your planes is the first to fly over the north pole. On its way home it crashes in your neighbour's backyard.

... that someone is researching Flight ?
All your planes crash in his backyard, and he refuses to hand them over.

... that almost everybody has Flight ?
Planes crash all over the place. Going out isn't safe anymore.

... that the Pyramids are good but the Great Wall is better ?
You are likely to take the bulk of the barbarian horde's fury.

... that you've discovered Industrialism and Plastics ?
Your elephants are now teethless and all animals run around naked.

... that Physics is better than Combustion ?
Your shiny fleet of destroyers you were so proud of has just been drowned by caravels, thanks to the airships.

...that someone is reading Civ Fanatics ?
In the endgame his army is made of modern armors, gunships, mobile SAMs, and a half-naked scout from stone age with a giant toolbox.

 

...that you will be attacked?
You left your capital ungaurded.

Also, hilarious thread.

 

...That your unique unit is easily countered by the neighboring civilization

 

I have two... finally

How do you know you are one turn away from researching a tech?

...The AI offers you it for a reasonable price, for once

How do you know that you landed on the 'special' continent?

... Your caravel meets a battleship on its way from your continent. Its not yours. Its not even anyone you know...

 

How do you know you're about to discover Liberalism?

The AI finally spread the majority religion to you.

How do you know your landmass has no iron or copper(outside of your opponent's capital's BFC, of course)?

You have an axeman/swordsman UU

 

The best one so far is the one about Joao asking for your shiny new tech. SO true!

 

...that you're about to lose your shiny new Tank?
He encounters an enemy Spearman on the open plain.

...that you're in the race for Liberalism/religion tech/Wonder where every citizen is needed?
A slave revolt occurs in your capital. And doesn't end for several turns.

...that your hill-working citizens are some of the stupidest people in the world?
That same mine keeps collapsing, despite all the gold continually spent on "improved safety measures."

 

... that it's time to run some deficit research?


Sitting Bull threatens you for your gold.