How to Kill Yourself: Episode I

[Moshe Dayan]

5. Play the One-City Conquest Challenge-No Military Units-Always War Variant against Shaka, Montezuma, Ragnar, and Genghis Khan on a small, cold Pangaea map on Deity with the Aggressive AI option on.

As soon as I saw this posted in the Civ 4 bad advice thread, I knew what I had to do.

What follows is my attempt to achieve one of the most epic fails possible, and see how long I could last against the AI. Will I survive and win a time victory against my adversaries?
Doubt it.

So here we go.

Step 1: Set up the game.

As you can see in the attachment, I did my best to create a scenario somewhat close to what Farsight outlined. I checked all of the aforementioned boxes, chose all of the leaders, and specified the map type in tandem with his post. However, I couldn't figure out how to get a "no military" option, so I'll just not build any military units in the game

I arbitrarily decided to play as Mansa Musa, for no real reason.
This is gonna be fun.

To be continued...

 

[Bobbtjoe]

As soon as I saw this posted in the Civ 4 bad advice thread, I knew what I had to do.

What follows is my attempt to achieve one of the most epic fails possible, and see how long I could last against the AI. Will I survive and win a time victory against my adversaries?
Doubt it.

So here we go.

Step 1: Set up the game.

As you can see in the attachment, I did my best to create a scenario somewhat close to what Farsight outlined. I checked all of the aforementioned boxes, chose all of the leaders, and specified the map type in tandem with his post. However, I couldn't figure out how to get a "no military" option, so I'll just not build any military units in the game

I arbitrarily decided to play as Mansa Musa, for no real reason.
This is gonna be fun.

To be continued...

Let the carnage begin! Try building a wonder or two and found a religion in order to look like a good target.

 

[Moshe Dayan]

Step 2: Settle
Mercifully, we spawn near a hill and some resources. Our Settler moves up into higher ground, as though this would make any difference later on in the game. Also, we have a warrior at this point, and that simply won't do. He is discharged from our military on our second turn:

Spoiler :

Step 3: Go on the offensive
There's really no point in researching any military techs, so we decide to go for agriculture. Only a few turns in, we meet a scout from Mongolia, a nearby country with a much higher score and, one assumes, a much stronger military presence.
Naturally, we declare war immediately :

Spoiler :

Step 4: Get the resources
After agriculture, we make a beeline for Animal Husbandry, in order to make use of the wild hogs near the outskirts of Timbuktu. Our worker is nearly finished; immediately after he is born, he will start work on a farm. We are so nice to our citizens <3
We also meet up with an explorer from a faraway land, which apparently is even more powerful than our neighbors to the south. Obviously, we go to war:

Spoiler :

Step 5: Get moar (non-military) techs
So far so good. No one has invaded us in our first 47 turns, meaning for the past thousand years, no one has threatened our "might", other than a lone barb warrior that occasionally strolls past our borders. After Animal Husbandry, we build a second worker, and a pasture for our pigs. Once that's finished, we build a barracks. It will make a lovely barn for our new farm animals
Also, Pottery:

Spoiler :

Wow this is pretty boring so far. Oh well, something's bound to happen eventually...

Spoiler :

To be continued...

 

[pesgores]

How the heck can you survive without any military units?

 

[Moshe Dayan]

How the heck can you survive without any military units?

The only possible way i think I would be able to win is if a bunch of barbarians attacked and destroyed everybody else by a freak accident before anyone managed to take down Timbuktu. Not very likely >.>

Also, I'm gonna be hecka busy for a while, so expect an update as early as Wednesday.

 

[BurnEmDown]

You could try to spam settlers and hope you can keep on making new cities faster than they AI will destroy them, but sooner or later you're going to run out of room in the continent.
BTW are you from Israel?

 

[W|M]

It's an OCC...

 

[BurnEmDown]

Ah woops, no chance in hell then .

 

[Moshe Dayan]

Welcome back to another exciting installment of The General's suicide special.
I'm gonna be trying a slightly different style with this update, feedback is appreciated.

Step 6: Build a wonder
"You know what this city needs? A big-a$$ pile of rocks in the center of town. You know, that way our citizens can climb up on them if we get attacked. We don't need no stinkin' Barracks! Why fight harder when you can fight smarter?"

-Louison Clark, Defense Minister of the Mali Empire​

Spoiler :

Step 7: Warmonger
"Never shall we surrender in our mighty battle against the evildoers. We will instead teach our enemies to fear the mighty staffs of our settlers, and the invincible hammers, pickaxes, and shovels of our workers. Let the war continue."

-Emperor Mansa Mosha, responding to a great mediator for the Mali and Aztec Empires​

Spoiler :

Step 8: Pray
"Multiple enemy contacts spotted directly outside the city walls. Everybody grab a stick or something."

-Police Chief Edward Maullen, on the eve of the 5-Minute War​

Spoiler :

Step 9: Apply sunglasses
"Looks like Genghis Khan...

...Genghis DID."
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

-Genghis Khan, in a speech to Mongolian troops immediately after the anti-climactic end to the 5-Minute War​

Spoiler :

fin​

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Step 9: Apply sunglasses
"Looks like Genghis Khan...

...Genghis DID."
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

-Genghis Khan, in a speech to Mongolian troops immediately after the anti-climactic end to the 5-Minute War​

Spoiler :

fin​

 

[Moshe Dayan]

You could try to spam settlers and hope you can keep on making new cities faster than they AI will destroy them, but sooner or later you're going to run out of room in the continent.
BTW are you from Israel?

nopeee

 

[BurnEmDown]

I see, just thought so because of your username.
Well I was hoping this game would last at least more than one update, but I guess it was too much to ask for
Nice story anyway, at least you knew not to accept peace against aggressors and attackers!!

 

[MrBanana]

Genghis is the new boss in Timbuktu, but he'll be just like the old boss.

 

[eduhum]

NOW EPISODE 2!
-Lakes
-Tiny map
-18 civs.
-Deity
-Always War
-Gandhi
-Ragging Barbarians
Excitement is served

 

[W|M]

Classic Agressive civs (Monty, Genghis e.t.c)...

 

[Moshe Dayan]

NOW EPISODE 2!
-Lakes
-Tiny map
-18 civs.
-Deity
-Always War
-Gandhi
-Ragging Barbarians
Excitement is served

I'm actually considering this
Or something like this. i'd really like to make another story sometime, preferably an episode II. Hopefully it'll last longer than this one did. Any suggestions?

 

[georgjorge]

Personally, I'd love to see the suggestion someone else made, trying to stay alive by making cities faster than your opponents can destroy them. Can you stay in the game until 1AD...? How many cities can you settle...? How big will the stacks coming to destroy you get...?


Settings: Probably the same, no OCC of course.

Strategy: Tech to Bronze Working, use two or maybe three workers to follow your settlers and chop out new ones faster than the cities fall. Don't ever grow a city to population two, because then it won't get razed and you will run out of space...

Leaders: Joao would be great fun, but the Indians are better, because they have the most broken unit for this approach: FAST WORKERS! They are never caught by clumsy Axemen or Chariots (until there are too many of them, that is), they run around their territory and laugh at them, they might even manage to show up right near their capital and take an admiring look at it before they run away again.

 

[Moshe Dayan]

Spoiler :

Personally, I'd love to see the suggestion someone else made, trying to stay alive by making cities faster than your opponents can destroy them. Can you stay in the game until 1AD...? How many cities can you settle...? How big will the stacks coming to destroy you get...?


Settings: Probably the same, no OCC of course.

Strategy: Tech to Bronze Working, use two or maybe three workers to follow your settlers and chop out new ones faster than the cities fall. Don't ever grow a city to population two, because then it won't get razed and you will run out of space...

Leaders: Joao would be great fun, but the Indians are better, because they have the most broken unit for this approach: FAST WORKERS! They are never caught by clumsy Axemen or Chariots (until there are too many of them, that is), they run around their territory and laugh at them, they might even manage to show up right near their capital and take an admiring look at it before they run away again.

AWESOME
ill prolly try this (after all of my AP/IBs are done >.<)

 

[Proditor]

I think you should've tried to actually win. What I mean by this is don't declare war on everyone. See if it's actually possible to win some kind of victory. Needless to say, you'll have to never have a city close to a rival city, as the close borders will lead to war. Also, you'll have to always agree to any tribute the AI demands.

 

[Moshe Dayan]

I think you should've tried to actually win. What I mean by this is don't declare war on everyone. See if it's actually possible to win some kind of victory. Needless to say, you'll have to never have a city close to a rival city, as the close borders will lead to war. Also, you'll have to always agree to any tribute the AI demands.

No can do. One of the prerequisites was to have "always war" on