Shortly after our trebuchet stack headed into Clan lands, Amelchier (our neighbor on the South side of the inland sea... where the
grass really is greener) decided our lands were lacking in
dwarf-mulch and decided to do some
aggressive gardening. Hed come around the East side of the sea, whipping through those forests that Treb had been so
keen to demolish, with a force of satyrs and swordsmen to attack Khazak.
Uh, hello?!* The elves were attacking us at our
proudest fortress, with
SWORDS?!? Where was the
mighty elven magic, the
terrible treants and the
archers of infamy? The grounds outside Khazak became
killing fields littered with
cratyrs (
50% man, 50% goat, 100% dead) and the faint pine scent of
elf blood.
*Building the walls around Khazak had been a sort of
pastime for the various mason-guilds within the kingdom and so there was a
palisade, a
mighty wall, an
additional wall maintained by our adepts (
they may not know magic, but they know rocks),
a moat brimming with
dangerous sea creatures (courtesy of the Heron Throne, a relic from the
Age of Magic we found in a musty basement back in 115),
crenellations patrolled by slingers and mercenaries (even though we never actually
HIRE mercenaries, housing the organization was found to be a
loop-hole in the tax-code) AS WELL AS
a mighty citadel in an adjacent field to further bolster the capitals defense. All told, Khazak was just a
culture-expansion away from having
200% defense.
Treb was oddly thrilled about our
slow moving cavalcade of carnage being sent to
thrash the elves; I guess he figured that by whipping the
pointy eared gits wed show those trees
once and for all whos boss.
Eodd fell,
Dendrum was
razed and
Bruti was
captured (
finally a city on a hill!). Still going strong, we rolled up to Evermore, a city
older than the dwarves themselves, and began to pelt the walls from an adjacent hill. Even after the walls had crumbled, Evermore
remained defiant because Gilden Silveric, hero of the Ljosalfar, made a frontal assault too costly (
our health care doesnt cover arrow wounds). Around the time the McGyvers were preparing to build a
tunneling device using only
bamboo,
axle grease and a
hand-winch, Bambur grabbed a tower shield, approached the wasted city and
shouted a challenge to the elves. He offered to fight Gilden in
single combat and the army of the defeated champion would
depart the city in shame. Gilden signaled his acceptance by shooting an arrow and
not actually hitting one of us; where the arrow fell, the two would do battle.
On the following morning, the
two paragons of their respective races dueled. The
blow-by-blow of the battle has an
entire mural within the
Kings Palace depicting it, so I will spare you the details. Let it simply be known that after a
titanic melee, Bambur was
bleeding from holes in his ruined armor but stood over Gilden, whose
bow and wrist were shattered by Bamburs hammer. With his one good hand, Gilden
pulled a bauble from around his neck (
a single seed encased in polished amber) and prepared to speak. My associates degree in
Narrative Causality informed me this would be
bad.
Very bad.
You have beaten me and my people have all but fallen to your abominable machinations (
uh oh).
Though the elves are lost (
not good),
Sucellos will have his children avenged (
crap!). He shattered the amber (
preparing to run) on a nearby fragment of Bamburs armor and then...
he went still. Why do all heroes have time to utter some
parting curse before
they die? And why did Gilden die; his wounds
werent fatal? And why do the elves have a
doomsday bauble?
We dont have a doomsday bauble*!! And why is a
big tree sprouting out of his chest and WHY ARE ALL THE OTHER TREES AROUND HERE GETTING AMBULATORY?!?
*We just have an
80ft tall mithril statue awaiting the
end days to carry out
Kilmorphs wrath. As far as
over-the-top retaliatory measures go, it is in no way
travel sized.
...
The McGyvers were
all dead. For six days, Bambur had fought off the treants and the satyrs; on a hill Bambur
drew upon the strength of Kilmorph and became a
mountain of defense. On the seventh day,
six treants attacked in unison and Bambur,
immortal champion of Kilmorph, was
overwhelmed. We fled; Treb
shouted obscenities, firing his trebuchet with
murderous accuracy (it turns out the crazy old miner/inventor was right... the trees
really were out to get him) while I had to count my
trousers among the casualties. For two weeks Treb and I were forced to
commit premeditated herbicide while leading our machines south to an unforested peninsula. Near the tip of this peninsula we were
surprised to uncover a ruined dwarf fortress from before the
Age of Ice; an obscure outpost that we
cowered in while
awaiting rescue. Though little remained, the
elephant bones and
lava-scarred landscape showed this to be the fabled lost outpost of
Boatmurdered. There were
worse places to die...
but not many.
For years Treb and I lived at
Boatmurdered, taking
pot-shots at any goblins that wandered too close. Eventually, we were approached by a
band of champions (
oh, those are new) and told that the
elves had been defeated but
Decius, his
vassal Tasanke and his
angelic ally, Basium, were at
war with the dwarves. It turns out the three had made a
short joke within earshot of Kandros; a new motivational poster was being distributed throughout the kingdom that showed a human by a tape measure and said
You must be at least this tall to be brutally dismembered.
When Bambur had died, Kilmorph had lost her
most devoted champion. However, word traveled through the
Umber and Maros, last of the
Umberguard, resolved to cease his crusade with
The Order and return to
safeguard his people. Needless to say, while he guarded Khazak, the world would
never move the dwarves from their capital (he actually
lowers our
insurance premiums just by being there).
Im glad to say Im back at my desk and that my ax (signed by the
late,
great Bambur himself) is the
envy of the office. The world seems to be changing for the worse;
Stephanos, the first
harbinger of the Armageddon, has arrived. Khazad now controls six cities and several civ-slayers (
champions from the McGyver clan, a
stonewarden, several
trebuchets and one or two
adepts with Enchantment 1) are methodically
crushing our enemies abroad. We dwarves have gotten our foothold and now we,
without respite,
without powerful mages,
without allies, are
challenging the world.
Personally, I
pity the world.
Unused Motivational Posters
An auditor standing in a doorway in front of a pile of
mangled enemies, his feet somehow
melding into the stone beneath him with the caption "
An object at rest cannot be stopped."
"
Invest in Khazak Mutual Funds. To do otherwise is treason."
"
Don't worry, everything is going to be Arete."
That's it for this AAR. The dwarves have lots of unfinished business that YOU can finish if you want to
download the save game. I will come back and post some general observations about my experiences tomorrow; I have to get to bed early because my new job starts tomorrow and I have no idea what to expect from the commute.
If you didn't notice (or don't follow through on links) this AAR referenced
Dwarf Fortress, an awesome little game that can suck you in if you let. For those so inclined,
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD read the wiki before attempting to conquer the game. It has a learning curve that can
charitably be called steep.