Judge this writing

[aneeshm]

Prarambha - The Beginning

I came across this while browsing Ashok Banker's site. This is by an aspiring author.

I'll explain my own interest in it later.

 

[JonnyB]

Well. I think, he uses too many commas, and periods. It has no flow, and, is hard to read. Because of that. I gave up after a few paragraphs.

 

[LucyDuke]

I'm not impressed. When something's well-written, it's easy to read. The writing there is forced and awkward. Now, the story might be great, but I can't get through the wording to the story. Like JonnyB said, it has no flow.

 

[warpus]

I don't see much dialogue.

 

[Gogf]

It doesn't flow very well, and it's not good enough to hold my interest for very long.

 

[Elrohir]

It needs longer sentences, with only a few very short sentences to break it up. Fewer commas and more dialogue would help.

 

[Abaddon]

Same - i got to '2' The initial paragraph is very short and fast (an attempt to show how nervous character feels?) then slows to a more readable pace.. but still in the end i gave up.