Life, for dummies

Originally posted by Cunobelin Of Hippo
Don't try to tuck your discman between your chin and your chest to hold it while taking a p!ss :eek: Sometimes it doesn't stay put!

That could be messy depending where it falls. :cringe: :eek:

If you were using a toilet you might have had to fish it out and just pray it still works :fish:
 
Do not have a sister with an ego larger than Texas and a body size to match and not refer to her of Queen of All that she surveys:D
 
Don't talk while waving a 5 foot cardboard tube and knocking a neon light above your head onto your friends!

Wotta laugh!
 
Do not carry a coffee table leg around London in a blue plastic bag unless you want to be shot from behind by police like this.
 
Always, always remember to put the next foot down when walkng
 
Your knees are not fixed with safety wheels, esp. on tarred roads.SCRAAAAAAAPE
ouch.:aargh:
 
-After having several teeth pulled, wait for a little while before you drink Coke, even if you're really thirsty, or you will be introduced to the pleasure of blood-flavored Coke. :cringe:

-When you're dissecting a fish and your partner is removing the heart, you should be careful incase she slips and flings a piece of fish matter at your pants. :splat:

-You shouldn't put two CDs in your CD drive at once. :blush:
 
Don't put dry ice in your mouth to make smoke.
Even if it looks cool, it can slip into your throat and freeze it with -70 degrees celsius.
I know :eek:

No worries mate though, nothing happened to me, I was okay after a few days :D
 
Always remember Murphy´s laws: "If something can go wrong, it will".

Especially if working with computers.
:D
 
if wearing contacts, be sure to remove them before collapsing into sleep...

Don't put dry ice in your mouth to make smoke.
on a related note, not so long ago a friend of mine decided to drink a quantity of fuel from an artificial smoke machine of some kind. half an hour later he collapsed and claimed to be suffering from acute pins and needles down one side of his body.
how we laughed. :D
 
Never get names and other things tattooed onto your body in haste.

Never be me.

Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on earth.
 
uh... well this thead was susposta be for long, deep, and heart felt comments on life... :(

I'm gonna edit mine in here in a few


edit-well, to tell you my life's lessons, I better start with my life's story!
it all starts out in 1984, when I was born!
then stuff happened
then I was 12. when I was 12 I started to think about how cool it'd be to fall in love, etc, and I invented the KEE Empire, and so forth. it was the summer of 1997, august to be exact, and I think I had reached that time in your life when you begin to think more maturley. Anyways, things werent good. I wasent very popular, and dident have too many real freinds. I began to take less interest in school, and spend more and more time in the KEE Empire, refining the story, etc. things began to go downhill from there... it was about at that time I began to think of myself as a nation. I made a senate, which reflected my values and ethics, and I made a house, which reflected my feelings and emotions. I also made a few other positions:
the Emperor, (me) who made speaches, etc. the Chief Advisor, who told the emperor things (the little voice in your head) and a few other positions (other voices) they dident have strong "party" affiliations, but the senate and house had parties, based on my thinking. for instance, if I was having a large moral debate about weather or not to steal something, one party would take one stance, the other, the other stance. the parties seemed to take the same stance also, AKA, one would always support stealing. when I was 12, there were no real parties, and I just kinda coasted through everything. all the time my economey (well being) was falling, and falling. hitting new lows each day. soon, one party started coming out through the multitude. one rose in strength above all the others. the
XXX Party which wanted to make the empire self destruct... AKA, to end it. they slowley grew, and grew... things were growing desprate. I invented a numbering system, making each month a year, and in that case the empire began in the year of our Tedofsky, 152 (august 97, when I was 12) by the year 172 (apr99) it was clear that the empire was in deep trouble. the economey was now lower then it was when the Empire began, and things were getting worse and worse. in 173 it all began to go crazy... the XXX Party rose from its, KEE Empire record, 5 our of 400 seats in the house, to an amazing 10, then 25, and 75, and 150 by the end of the year. the other parties began to get worried, and though the year 174, it only got worse. it all came down to a climax, on the 25th part of the 174th year (june 25th 1999) when the XXX Party managed 200 seats. they now had the power to destroy the empire. to fight this evil, the other parties all had to unite. they formed the Ki-Ju Federation Party it looked like it was all going to end, as the constant-vote system, which makes seats flow, with no general election needed, was about to give the XXX Party 1 more seat, and therefore, a majority. thereby ending the empire. luckley, an un-expected ally of the empire, helped puch the XXX Party back, and it lost a seat of its own... from there on it, the XXX Party was no more threat. the Ki-Ju Federation Party had won! but things werent going well. the economey was at its lowest recorded level, and recording began back in year 80 (aug91, when I was 8, and invented Pellaken) the Ki-Ju Federation Party therefore declared a Reformation. that all would be changed. the empire taken apart, bit by bit, and rebuilt. unfortunatley, the Ki-Ju Federation Party was extremy Lazyist (lazy) and so not much happened. during 175, the economey was stabilized, and the senate's power was increased. quickley, a party began to emerge in the senate. The Love and Lust Party captured about 30 of the 100 seats. the rest held by non-partisans. the Love and Lust Party even extended thier influence into the house, taking about 100 seats, under the name the Republican Party as senatorial and house parties must be independant. in return, the the Ki-Ju Federation Party opend up its own Senate party, the KEE Party the Love and Lust Party belived that sex, specifically casual sex, wasent necessarley a bad thing. nethier were things like drinking, etc. the KEE Party however, belived that these things were wrong, and that most things "fun" are somehow bad and wrong. therefore, fun=bad. the Ki-Ju Federation Party belived that one must coast through life, while the Republican Party belived that action was needed, immidetley, to make the empire better.
things went on like this, untill the year of our Tedofsky, 176. (august 1999) it was then that I fell in love. and needless to say, the economey SHOT up, and by the end of that year, was where it was in 172, an increase of 500%. the victory was dedicated to the KEE Party and its allies. they benifted at the polls, gaining most of the seats.
the next year, however, was to knock the empire back to its sences. during 177, a great tragidy happened. a really hot girl asked me to the movies, but I dident go cause, me bing such a big looser, I dident think it was for real... then I made some STUPID mistakes. the KEE Party and its allies suffered for the mistakes, specifically, the Ki-Ju Federation Party infact, the KEE Party withdrew its support for the Ki-Ju Federation Party and took half thier members, and formed the KEE Empire Party pretty soon, the Ki-Ju Federation Party was no more. the battle now came a real 2-party battle. yet these constant battles were not good for the empire. often, the battles themselvs caused great distress. although strong the Love and Lust Party and the Republican Party never formed the government they susually got between 200-192 seats in the house, and 48-50 in the senate. infact, no party, other then the KEE Party had ever had a majority in the senate. htings kept on going this ay, untill the year 192 (dec00) when the pessimistic Chief Advisor was fired. things then heated up. election after election resulted in 200-200 and 50-50 splits. the 2 parties went to war with eachother, actually a commen occurance, when they split half/half they usually go to civil war untill one gets an advantage, usually the KEE Party and allies. this time, the wars dident end, and the empire was spending so much time and resources, the economey began to fall again. This dident stop untill the year 196. when a friend ignited a spark of a battle. she said she liked me, and wanted to go out with me, but later changed her mind (to later change it back, as you'll see later) that night, I came to the realisation. if the civil war dident end, it'd end me. I needed to focus on my work, but with the civil war, I couldent. so I set it up, for a final battle. and in the end.... the Republican Party won. 201 seats! for the first time, they formed a government. as thier policy dicatated, immideate action was taken to fix up the empire. things from there on in went well. later that year, the 2 house parties came togethor, to form a colation. the KEE Empire Party and the Republican Party came togethor, then broke off into the Tedofsky Party and the Ki Party. the Tedofsky Party was optimistic, and theKi Party pessimistic. for the first bit, the Ki Party held majorites. then, in the year 200, the economey began to rise. I made real friends. the economey's been generally up ever since. the Ki Party was totally discreted and the Tedofsky Party later captured 400 of the 400 seats in the house, the first party to do so. they still hold most of them today. the action began to be concentrated in the senate. in the year 207 (march02) the Love and Lust Party gained its first majority. they began to reform the empire, as they saw fit. when the KEE Party threathened to come back, the 2 formed a governing coalation. both views were modified, and lessened. a few people, about 40, refused to sit in the coalation, but the moderates controaled the seante. it soon became clear that the empire was doing very well. so well, that in the year 210 (june 02, this month) a new party came up from the back. the Do whats Right for KEE party they got elected to a 52 seat majority, and ended the reformation, that had been going on since 174. today, the empire is a great and strong empire, better then it has ever been...


what I learned? I'm not sure. but this is what has happened to me. I've started to love myself, and after doing that, I dont have the feeligs that used ot rule my life. I used to feel full of love, and I needed somsone to love, I also used to feel that I needed somsone to love me. by loving myself, I cure both :D smart, eh?
 
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