Light Bulb Jokes

[Håkon]

(WARNING: Some of these are a bit stupid)

How many doctors is needed to replace a light bulb?
One, but he needs a nurse to tell him how to do it.

How many English teachers is needed to replace a light bulb?
Two - one replaces the bulb and the other conjugates the verb "to replace".

How many monsters is needed to replace a light bulb?
Ten - one replaces the bulb and the rest repairs the house.

How many bureaucrats is needed to replace a light bulb?
Four - one replaces the bulb and three writes a report.

How many psychiatrists is needed to replace a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb must be in the mood.

How many rockers is needed to replace a light bulb?
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go...

How many lawyers is needed to replace a light bulb?
At least two - one replaces the bulb and the other defends the old one.

How many jugglers is needed to replace a light bulb?
One juggler and three bulbs.

How does David Beckham replace a light bulb?
He holds the bulb up and wait for the world to revolve around him.

How many real men is needed to replace a light bulb?
No one - real men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many mafia members is needed to replace a light bulb?
Three - one replacing the bulb, one witness and one shooting the witness.

How many actors is needed to replace a light bulb?
Only one - actors doesn't like to share the limelight.

How many North Pole explorers is needed to replace a light bulb?
Four or five. One replaces the bulb and the rest goes sponsor-hunting.

How many masons is needed to replace a light bulb?
Hey, that's the electricians' work!

How many electricians is needed to replace a light bulb?
Only one - this is what he's educated in, but he forgot the tools at home.

How many lift electricians is needed to replace a light bulb?
Wait a moment. I'll go and check the standard contract.

Civ Related:
How many Italian Prime Ministers is needed to replace a light bulb?
No one knows, the Prime Minister went out before the light.

How many radicals is needed to replace a light bulb?
No one really knows that either. First their leader has to read a foreign book about light bulb trends, and then a committee must be created in order to check if light bulb-replacing don't violate the party's traditions.

 

[vladmir_illych_lenin]

What's the difference between a virgin and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb!

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The ususal number, 2.

 

[allhailIndia]

How does George W. Bush change a light bulb?
He does not, he gets his dad's friends to do it.

How many Indians(Asia) does it take to lchange a light bulb?
None- thay sit in the dark and blame the government

How mant Pakistanis does it take to change the lightbulb?
None-they sit in the dark and blame India for it.

 

[VanillaCube]

how many flys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

two, but dont ask me how they got in there!

------------------
my words of wisdom

1.Square meals often make round people.
2.You Cant Argue With Stupitity!
3.an Eye for and Eye(and while your at it take 2)

 

[Håkan Eriksson]

How many whomen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, to call her husband.

------------------
<IMG SRC="http://w1.316.telia.com/~u31613053/sign.gif" border=0>

 

[Henrik]

Ho many microsoft programers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
none, darkness is a feature.
How many apple programers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
15, one to do the unscrewing and 14 to make the T-shirts
How many ibm people does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
None, darkness is standard...

 

[Captain Pugwash]

How many object-oriented programmers does it take to change a light bulb ?

None. They send the light bulb a message and it changes itself.

 

[Warlord56]

Your actors one was wrong.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
100 1 to screw it in and 99 to say I could have done that.

 

[GenghisK]

And how many blondes does it take to change it?
I suppose at least 6. One to hold the bulb, the others to turn the table clockwise...
I know, I'll be hated by female readers

------------------
Genghis K.
<IMG SRC="http://www.leader-values.com/images/Genghis%20Khan.gif" border=0>

 

[stormerne]

How many Vikings does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light from the burning monastery is enough thanks.

------------------
<IMG SRC="http://www.anglo-saxon.demon.co.uk/stormerne/stormerne.gif" border=0>

 

[vladmir_illych_lenin]

Originally posted by stormerne:
How many Vikings does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light from the burning monastery is enough thanks.
<IMG SRC="http://forums.civfanatics.com/ubb/viking.gif" border=0>

Good thing Haakan's gone now!

 

[Sir Isaac Newton]

Here are two more:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None; the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. (Civ related!)

------------------
"It's good to be the king." --History of the World, Part I

 

[GenghisK]

Do communist have money enough to buy a bulb?

What does a blonde say after making love?

<FONT size="1">so you're all in the same team?</FONT s>sorry. It's too gore.

------------------
Genghis K.
<IMG SRC="http://wsphotofews.excite.com/003/LZ/ic/CX/Kx78690.jpg" border=0>

 

[Håkon]

Here's another one from the starter of this topic.

How many feminists do you need to replace a light bulb?

Two - one to replace the bulb and one to write a book about how fun it is to do it without a man.

------------------
<IMG SRC="http://www.vg.no/vg/sport/fotball/elfot96/sbodo.gif" border=0><IMG SRC="http://www.vg.no/vg/sport/fotball/elfot96/sbodo.gif" border=0><IMG SRC="http://www.vg.no/vg/sport/fotball/elfot96/sbodo.gif" border=0>
forever!!

And may this man <IMG SRC="http://www.vg.no/grafikk/frontbilder/1225.gif" border=0> recover!

 

[scorch]

how many women does it to change a lightbulb?
5, 4 to ***** around about it, the other to get her husband to change it.

how many teenage sons does it take to change a lightbulb?
just one, but you have to ask him 50 times first!