Nation Jokes

Belgium produces more chocolate than anywhere else in the world.

Germany produces more beer than anywhere else in the world.

Columbia produces mroe coffee than anywhere else in the world.

Mexico produces more Americans than anywhere else in the world.
 
Afghanistan produces more opium poppies than anywhere else in the world.

India produces more babies than anywhere else in the world.

The USA produces more spam than anywhere else in the world.
 
A norwegian, a dane and a swede were on a jungle expedition when they were caught by some cannibals. Luckily for them, the tribal leader was a civilized man, and let gave them all a chance to get released. First they had to find fifty edible things of the same type. First the norwegian (of course) came back with fifty berries. He was told to put them all in his mouth at the same time. He just made it, and was set free. Then the dane came back with fifty peaches. He was charged with the same thing. He barely made to squeeze the last peach into his mouth. Then the swede came with fifty coconuts...
 
Why do the British, Australians & Americans seldom bother to learn a second language?

- The British are too proud to learn a second language;
- The Australians are too lazy to learn a second language;
- The Americans hardly know there ARE any other languages!
 
Oh, these are absolutely fantastic. I had several good laughs!!! I have heard variations of a couple before, usually involving Canadians. Lot of Scandinavian Animosity, and anti-French, i can see.

Anyway, a Canadian one:

A Ontarian, Quebecer, and Newfoundlander are each granted one wish. The Newfoundlander says, "I want all the money in the world". The Quebecer asks, "Build a giant wall around Quebec, that does not let anything in or out, completely seperating Quebec fro Canada." The Ontarian says, "Fill it with water . . . "

Hehe, I have always liked that one. There are many variations n the exact wording, but that gives the just of it. I am part Quebecer, apparently, ust in case you guys are wondering, but they really are quite the whiners, taking all our tax money, then whining, bloody Easterners . . .
 
Another Aussie one:

An American, a Frenchman and an Australian were sitting in a bar overlooking Sydney Harbour. `Do you know why America is the wealthiest country in the world?' asked the American. `It's because we build big and we build fast. We put up the Empire State Building in six weeks.'

`Six weeks, mon dieu, so long!' snapped the Frenchman, `ze Eiffel Tower we put up in one month exactement. And you,' he continued, turning to the Australian, `what has Australia done to match that?'

'Ah, nuthin' mate. Not that I know of.'

The American pointed to the Harbour Bridge. `What about that?' he asked.

The Australian looked over his shoulder. `Dunno, mate. Wasn't there yesterday.'
 
And some more Scandinavian Animosity:

A norwegian and a swede were swimming a 1000 metres the norwegian won. But the swede was so exhausted that he turned around at the 950 meter line and swan the whole way back.

And the next day this stood in the (swedish) newspaper:
"Results for yesterdays swimming competition:
Swede second first, norwegian second last."
 
During "Vinterkriget", the war between Finland and Russia in 1939, Pekka was stationed in the trenches. Being an inventive bloke, asked his captain what the most common name in Russia was. "Ivan," answered the captain.

Pekka then cried out "Ivan" across the trenches, and one Ivan answered "Here!" and saluted - resulting in an easy hit for Pekka. This process repeated itself several times, until one of the Russians understood the trick and asked his captain what the most common name in Finland was. "Pekka," answered the captain.

"Pekka!", yelled the Russian.

"Yes, Ivan!" answered Pekka.

"Here!" the Russian said, and Pekka got another victim.
 
Originally posted by Håkon
During "Vinterkriget", the war between Finland and Russia in 1939, Pekka was stationed in the trenches. Being an inventive bloke, asked his captain what the most common name in Russia was. "Ivan," answered the captain.

Pekka then cried out "Ivan" across the trenches, and one Ivan answered "Here!" and saluted - resulting in an easy hit for Pekka. This process repeated itself several times, until one of the Russians understood the trick and asked his captain what the most common name in Finland was. "Pekka," answered the captain.

"Pekka!", yelled the Russian.

"Yes, Ivan!" answered Pekka.

"Here!" the Russian said, and Pekka got another victim.
Click to expand...

:rofl:

The version of this I heard was the good, old fasioned:

Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman in the trenches in WW1. Sargent tells them they can go for some R'n'R after they kill a german.

Englishman says "Easy!". Takes aim on the German trenches and yells "Hans!" A german stands up saying "Ya!". BANG!!! And the Englishman toddles off.

Next goes the Scot. Same routine. "Hans!" "Ya!" BANG!

Lastly the Irishman takes aim. "Hans!" "Iz zat You Murphey?" "Yeah!" BANG!
 
Originally posted by Håkon
During "Vinterkriget", the war between Finland and Russia in 1939, Pekka was stationed in the trenches. Being an inventive bloke, asked his captain what the most common name in Russia was. "Ivan," answered the captain.

Pekka then cried out "Ivan" across the trenches, and one Ivan answered "Here!" and saluted - resulting in an easy hit for Pekka. This process repeated itself several times, until one of the Russians understood the trick and asked his captain what the most common name in Finland was. "Pekka," answered the captain.

"Pekka!", yelled the Russian.

"Yes, Ivan!" answered Pekka.

"Here!" the Russian said, and Pekka got another victim.
Click to expand...

:thanx: :rotfl: :rotfl: :ar15:

Awesome- gun down them Russkies.
 
Q-how do you get 50 mexicans in a Phone booth
A-throw in a 1 dollar bill

Q-you know how to get 50 mexicans OUT of a phone booth?
A-throw in a job aplication.

p.s. i admit i can't spell
 
A Chinese, Americian and Russia took part in 50 years experiment in outer space.

The Russia said, " I want to study all the laguages in the world " and so he brought along 1000 books with him.
The Americain said, " i want to study the effect of Human reproduction " and so he brought along 1000 women.
The Chinese said, " i want to study the effect of smoking " and so brought 1000 tons of Cigerettes and cigars.

50 years later they returned to earth. And all the reporters rushed to interview them.
When asked.
The Russian said," Now i can reply all of u guys in ur native language"
The American said," Now , im the father of 10000 children."
The Chinese said, "F***, forgot to bring lighter !"

Ramius
 
An Americian, French and Chinese were captured by a group of tribals.
The Chief of the tribal commanded the 3 nationals to gather 10 of their favorite fruits from the forest or he will killed them all.
30 mins later the Chinese returned with 10 Lychees.
The chief said "Shaft the fruits into ur ass and do NOT make any noise. Else u will be speared alive!!!"
The chinese slowly shaft each fruits into his ass while the French returned with 10 strawberrys.
The chief said to the French "Shaft the fruits into ur ass and do NOT make any noise. Else u will be speared alive!!!"
So the Chinese and the French had no choice but to shaft the fruits, bearing the pain.
Suddenly, the Chinese laughed out very loud and the French asked him "Why u laugh out, you only got one more to go "
The Chinese said " I can't help it, the stupid Americian back with 10 pineapples !! "

Ramius
 
A Welshman, Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar and the bartender says "Is this some kind of joke?"
 
How do you stop the Polish Cavalry?
Turn off the Merry-go-round
How do you stop a polish tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
How do you sink a Polish sub?
put it in the water.
What do you do when a Polak throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back.
How do you stop a polish plane?
Shoot the ballons holding it up.
 
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