Needing to belong versus needing to be different...

Veritass

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I would like to put forward a little pet theory of mine, to get opinions from you all, and to see how you think it might apply to you. I don’t claim any special training or knowledge in psychology or sociology, but this is just something I came up with from my observations of people.

#1) I believe that at some basic, instinctual level, human beings have a need to belong to a group. This may be a descendant of the mammalian family instinct, a more basic herd/hive instinct, or something even more fundamental than that. I believe that humans take this even further, though. Animals primarily stick to the family and herd units they are born into, until they graduate to setting up their own. Humans, however, have the capacity for abstract thoughts, and thus set up more social structures to represent these thoughts. We establish neighborhoods, countries, corporations, religions, partnerships, shopping co-operatives, bridge clubs, labor unions, country clubs, sports leagues, car clubs, rock bands, brownie troops, computer game user groups, etc.

#2) I also believe that at some basic, instinctual level, human beings have a need to set themselves apart, to be special. This may be a descendant of food chain dynamics, cave-man competition for natural resources, evolutionary pressures, testosterone, etc. I believe that humans take this farther as well. We have more ability to conceptualize and distinguish this from that, us from them, a myriad of characteristics that separate “those that are like me/us” from “those that are not like me/us.”

#3) I think these needs are at conflict within us, and that this conflict is reflected in the mass of social systems that we erect. At every level of society, we identify ourselves as members certain groups and certainly not as members of others groups. There are the groups that we are thrust into, such as ethnicities and social strata, but beyond that, we continue to break ourselves up further: I am a Republican and certainly not a Democrat. I am a Christian and certainly not a Muslim. Oops, that’s not enough; I am a Protestant and certainly not a Catholic. No, wait, I am a Baptist and certainly not a Lutheran. And on and on.

#4) We have a deep need for self-justification. Therefore, every group that I am a member of is right and all of the other groups are wrong and inferior and must be put down, demonized, disposed of, eradicated, or worse. Even when a different group and mine agree on 99% and disagree on 1%, they are wrong and must be abolished. I am thinking about Baptists and Lutherans here, or Sunnis and Shiites. Whether it is one clique ostracizing kids on the playground, Yugoslavia breaking up the country, whites wanting to segregate blacks, one gang shooting the members of another gang, the “haves” and the “have-nots” resenting each other, or the Pope excommunicating the new Chinese bishops, it all boils down to needing to be in one group and distinguished from another.

#5) Until we learn to recognize our similarities more strongly than our differences, we will not be able to come together and end war, or end hunger, or religious intolerance. We need to have a higher idea of what it means to be human.

For discussion, I am interested in your personal viewpoints:
- What groups do you associate yourself with and disassociate yourself from?
- Do you have any other good examples than the ones I have supplied?
- Do you have counter-examples or counter-arguments from the model I provided?
- Is there an answer to #5 that does not include the elimination or assimilation of all those that are “not like me”?
 
Veritass said:
For discussion, I am interested in your personal viewpoints:
- What groups do you associate yourself with and disassociate yourself from?

None, really.

- Do you have any other good examples than the ones I have supplied?

I don't know that it fits within your schema, but it does occur to me that you're assuming "human" is one identifier.

- Do you have counter-examples or counter-arguments from the model I provided?

No, I think it's pretty good.

- Is there an answer to #5 that does not include the elimination or assimilation of all those that are “not like me”?

Can't we just accept others?
 
Me first, family second, tribe third, country fourth, race fifth.

Veritass said:
- Is there an answer to #5 that does not include the elimination or assimilation of all those that are “not like me”?
I have no problem with others who are 'not like me'. Live and let live, I say.
 
Good OP :goodjob:
Veritass said:
- What groups do you associate yourself with and disassociate yourself from?
Given that I've spent most of my childhood playing rugby I usually gravitate to 'sports groups'. I find it easier to talk to, and get along with, sportspersons more than say musicians. Simply because I know more about that field. At the minute I'm finding that I'm losing touch with alot of my older friends as I spend more time with people who work in the same field as me.

I'd say that I disassociate myself with anyone who I percieve as being 'extreme' in their views. Even if I share the same beliefs. For example, I'm a believer in Human Rights, I've donated some money to Human Rights Organisations however, I'm not likely to give up my job and travel the world with those people protesting.

In so far as Number 5 is concerned I can see no answer to it. It seems that putting oneself above all overs is a trait seen in too many people.
 
I agree very much with points 1-3. Point 4 puts it a little too strongly; only some people think that way to a large degree. That's a psychological problem called "black-and-white thinking".

The need to "set yourself apart" may have something to do with attracting a mate. You need some reason for her to pick you over some other guy. This doesn't translate into demeaning or beating up on the "other" groups though. That anti-"other" stuff would fit more with competiton over resources, as you mentioned.

The world has evolved, mostly through culture, and its consequence, technology. Cooperation, among the sorts of groups people classify themselves into, is now generally more profitable than warring over resources. The question is how long it will take our evolving brains to catch up. Genetic engineering, anyone?
 
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