New Story!

[Plotinus]

thinking about sending it in to Rick Riordan when it is finished.

Don't do that. Authors never want to see work by unpublished authors, and even if they did, there's nothing they could do about it.

On the story, I wouldn't start with a dream sequence. Readers hate dream sequences. Also, don't say things like "he responded" or "he stated". Just "he said" is fine. Look carefully at some dialogue in novels you like and study the way speech is presented there. Otherwise, a good start!

 

[adarknight]

Thanks! Will do. I'll work on that!

 

[sophie]

I'd recommend not putting the greek script in there either. It doesn't make much sense from a character perspective for him to have no idea what any of the characters mean and yet to be able to transcribe it perfectly into the book. It's also really jarring for an everyday reader who doesn't know the first thing about Greek and will take them out of the immersion as he'll either try his best to pronounce it, put the book down to look it up online (breaking the mystery and changing his focus) or skip over it entirely (making its existence pointless). The best way to do it is something along the lines of "I saw some strange inscription that appeared Greek (if his character is familiar with what the Greek script looks like, otherwise he'd say instead "that I couldn't understand at all".

I'm not much of a writer, but that's what I thought.

 

[adarknight]

What you say makes a lot of sense. You are right if the reader does not understand anything about that line they are more than likely going to skip over it. I could leave that subject more "broad" and once he starts to understand Greek later in the book, we could talk about it more in depth then. By the way for all who haven't seen I have just finished up typing Chapter 3 so go back to page one and check it out. Thanks!

 

[sophie]

What you say makes a lot of sense. You are right if the reader does not understand anything about that line they are more than likely going to skip over it. I could leave that subject more "broad" and once he starts to understand Greek later in the book, we could talk about it more in depth then. By the way for all who haven't seen I have just finished up typing Chapter 3 so go back to page one and check it out. Thanks!

Wait, those whole things are chapters? You might want to expand those out a bit if you want this to be a novel. You could probably stand to be quite a bit more descriptive. Set the scene. Give the reader more than just the bear bones facts.

 

[adarknight]

I agree with you on that. Like i said it's a work in progress so I hope you enjoy it though.

 

[Save_Ferris]

Be specific, and avoid words such as "random", "thing" and "like".

 

[adarknight]

Okay. Sounds good. Do you like it though?

 

[sophie]

To be honest, I don't really know what to make of it. It's very raw, and you definitely have an idea of the story you want to tell, but I think you need to take more care with the way in which you tell it, and you should work at cultivating your own personal style.

 

[Save_Ferris]

I personally like books that are a bit more deconstructed and less of fact-by-fact, but that's just me. Although I do think you should read some Hemingway.

Yet I like the general outline and characters. How old are you, by the way? This is honestly better than what I can write.

 

[adarknight]

I'm pretty young I'm only 15. I've never really cared for writing much before doing this I'm hoping that it will only get better and better and i hope you see that as i write and post more and more. If i have time ill post another part tonight. Again Thanks for the feedback. If you would like feel free to edit and send me what "you" think it should be.

 

[sophie]

I'm pretty young I'm only 15. I've never really cared for writing much before doing this I'm hoping that it will only get better and better and i hope you see that as i write and post more and more. If i have time ill post another part tonight. Again Thanks for the feedback. If you would like feel free to edit and send me what "you" think it should be.

It's not about what we think it should be. We're giving you constructive criticism and you fix it.

 

[adarknight]

Haha Okay. I hope you understand it means a lot that people will take time out of their day to read this.

 

[Save_Ferris]

Haha Okay. I hope you understand it means a lot that people will take time out of their day to read this.

Of course. That's why we're helping. You don't even have to take all of our advice, we're just throwing stuff out there.

 

[adarknight]

Haha okay. Well I just typed up another segment so I hope you enjoy! These next few were written before I started posting so they may not have all of your suggestions in them. Please go check it out!

 

[adarknight]

I'll be adding a bit more today and tomorrow stay tuned! Also if you haven't done so already please check out my first three interments. Enjoy!

 

[sophie]

I'll be adding a bit more today and tomorrow stay tuned! Also if you haven't done so already please check out my first three interments. Enjoy!

The word you're looking for is "installments"